Happy Thoughts

..And with one phone call, the once happy thoughts and happy living..umm rather forgotten thoughts and ignorant living get completely squashed. Wise men once said, ignorance is bliss and it truly is. Truth is a powerful weapon and one must know when to get exposed to it. If you dont have the courage to muster up to its power, then be the submissive one and step back.

Current Status - Lesson learnt. I should listen to Ma. (Muaah.. Love her)

That's Why

The little things you do for me
And nobody else make me feel good
The little things you do for me
Making me smile when no one else could
That's why, I like to sit next to you
And hear your mad stories
I know they're not true
And I like that we share a secret or two, together...The little things you do for me.

HT: A

Current Status - Skipping a beat

Lonely

Happy Diwali :)

I love this festival. It is so ingrained in me and my traditions spark up on this day. My childhood memories are so vivid in my mind, that everytime I am alone on this day, I cannot control my tears. It used to be beautiful.. Just serene, calm, and beautiful.

And today, like never before, I am so very lonely. Not just physically but even virtually. Yes, in today's world virtual friendship and love counts!!! It hurts to sit back home all by oneself writing this blog when one should be dressed up in bright sarees, lighting diyas, doing pooja, and bursting crackers.

The indifference hurts, hurts like never before. But I am determined to tread this path myself. I have done it once before, shouldnt be that difficult all over again.

Current Status - Keeping faith alive.

Ohhh... One Fine Day..

I have never in my search of songs found something so apt..

One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl...



One fine day
You'll look at me
And you will know our love was
Meant to be
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl
The arms I long for
Will open wide
And you'll be proud to have me
By your side
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl
Though I know you're the
Kind of boy
Who only wants to run around
I'll keep waiting and
Someday darling
You'll come to me when you want to settle down oh
One fine day
We'll meet once more
And then you'll want the love you
Threw away before
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl
One fine day
We'll meet once more
And then you'll want the love you
Threw away before
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl.....

Current Status - So happy to have found this song.. :)

My Sassy Girl..

Destiny is the bridge you build to the one you love..

I wish you a story with a happy ending and the wisdom to look for it..

Such is the story of my life...

her

I look at her
Again and Again..

Beautiful big black eyes with the softest locks
And the caressing warm smile

Love it and not get lost in it
Is what I need to learn

You are what you are
And no one can change or comprehend that..

Face the Truth
For it is what it is
And love yourself.

Oreos

Since childhood I have hated making decisions. I now stand in a position where as a manager making decisions is my bread and butter. This combined with my low risk taking ability only makes the matters worse. Thankfully business school has armed me with enough resources to get over all these anomalies and position myself as a better manager.

But what happens when in your real life (considering that the professional life is only a dream or a virtual game on an expensive gaming console) you cannot make those decisions...cannot move out of this mould. Calls for disaster.

Take a step away Garima. I think its worth it. Loosen the strings and stop entangling yourself in the imaginary ties. Coz if at all they exist, they will bring you back...hopefully when there is still time and your wings aren't clipped already. And if not, then your destiny was only to fly away.
(Did I say destiny.. Since when do I believe in it? I no more know where I come from.. As far as I know where I am headed)

Current Status - Looking for determination

Blue skies..

Its very important for a man to know what he is doing. Experience is the key..but bad/foul experience can kill the joy.

Riddles

So based on my last post, howmuchever I seem to not belong.. I really do want to belong. Its been 4 years of meandering and now I want a nest. Age gets to you. Not only do I look mature, I feel mature. Its funny that nothing that I wanted to accomplish is anywhere close to being achieved, but I still want to settle...settle for my better.

Its Halloweens today. Last night at a party I dressed up as a pirate. Yeah, I looked really good. Not too sexy, but still so good. mmmmm.. Nevertheless, even though I was in someone else's skin, I could still feel my emotions...very strong and piercing. I have to deal with it and settle. I need to find a sense of direction, before I get too lost in the woods and never be able to trace the reality back.

Even though I am like a bird and I want to fly away, I do want a nest now.

This post is so cheesy. Looks like I am becoming an expert in cheesiness if nothing else.

Wings

You're beautiful, that's for sure
You'll never ever fade
You're lovely but it's not for sure
That I won't ever change
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

I'm like a bird, I only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is
(and baby all I need for you to know is)
I'm like a bird, I only fly away
I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is
All I need for you to know is

Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you don't know me that well
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away
And though my love is rare
And though my love is true
Hey I'm just scared
That we may fall through

I wanna grow old with you.. :)

I post this and I dont know why! I feel something but I dont know what! I wish it were true! I wish this lasts for as long as a breathe!



Another day
Without your smile
Another day just passes by
But now I know
How much it means
For you to stay
Right here with me

The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

A thousand miles between us now
It causes me to wonder how
Our love tonight remains so strong
It makes our risk right all along

The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

Things can come and go I know but
Baby I believe
Something's burning strong between us
Makes it clear to me

Lovely Mausam

So its been so beautiful these days at Tempe that I have formulated and tested a theory on myself. The theory states: Probability of Lovely mausam has a positive correlation with decline in work efficiency.

And this might be true for a lot of people, but the correlation value is really high in my case.

Current Status - Enthralled by the smell of rain

Persistence

If I tell myself something everyday, every minute... Will I start believing in it at some point of time.. ? Does it work like that?

I hope it does for world happiness.

Itrr aur Sugandh

I know now why I am so pleased, pleasant, and relaxed today. Coz I have three different very awesome perfumes on me.* One must never disregard the power of good smell..a beautiful fragrance. It can kill many and take over an empire..(I am sure the history has one such story out of its so many..!!). That said, I truly just realized - it was like an epiphany - that it was the smell that calmed me and helped me relax and love whats around.
Damn, I didnt intend to sound like this. But come to think of it, a walk seems so much more satisfactory if you can smell raat ki raani. Reminds me of my walks in the dark of the Koregaon Park roads... shhhhhh.. I never said anything.. :)

Adios!

Current Status - Smelly Cat.. Smelly Cat..

*Mom has ordered a few for me to get those to her in Dec..when I go HOME.. :D

Welcome October

I just love the month of October :) Its gorgeous.

Fo Sho coz it contains my birth date.. But there is more to it than just that.. Its just a beautiful month.. just beautiful.

That lasts Forever...

Living away from your home country gives you a different perspective on things and situations you never thought were even a part of your existence. Things that you used to laugh off as they were so umimportant or made jokes about as they were so lame. Now for example take these:

Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Hero Honda Splendor 80km/Litre.

2 Cockroach ICU mein ek dusre ke bagal waale bed mein admit the.
Pehla Cockroach: "Kya dost Baygon se?
Dusra Cockroach: "Nahin re Paragon se."

Now, dont throw paper balls at me. I truly understand the frustration you might have reading these. Even the lamest of the people dont find this funny enough to chuckle at. And I didnt either till about a couple of months back. I dont know what has taken over me. I was in despair and felt grossly sad that the next generation might never know what a legacy Paragon was and how their advertisements were the worst ones ever made. They would never understand what pride those tight pant romeos with rumal around their neck had when they zoomed past by a seedhi saadhi Indian ladki on their Hero Honda Splendor. There are these small things in life that have made me the Indian that I am. I have fallen in love with these things unknowingly and I am fond of them. There lies a beauty in these imperfections.

If I plan to live in US and raise my kids here, how will they ever know the likes of Shammi Kapoor, Dev Anand, and Rajesh Khanna? And worse still they will never be able to mimic any of these lengends in the Uncle-Aunty gatherings. (Oh God.. How much I hated when I had to dance in front of an un-interested audience). Recently I was listening to "Isharon Isharon mein dil lene waale - Kashmir ki Kali" and I couldnt fall in love with Sharmila Tagore once again.

These are all memories from my childhood and my kids will surely will have their own memories, but where will all this go? Who will carry the name of Paragon ahead? I am just getting paranoid. I guess I am growing old. I do see some wrinkles next to my eyes!! Anyway, so this has been my concern for a while. The question is which is better? - The traditional upbringing with my kids fighting the scarcity of water & electricity, crazy bus travels, and love for people - tooo many people. Or the higher quality of life in US with clean air and clean water, higher quality of education but still dumb people around, and lots of beer? Very difficult choice indeed!!

I am too proud of an Indian. I always respected the culture in India but now I appreciate it too. Its bold, vibrant, rich, and deep-rooted.

Current Status - In love with my coutry and my upbringing.

Power

For a strong, independent and working woman like me, its really difficult to give your Power away. We thrive on that power; its our weapon, its our support, its our strength. That power comes from the confidence that we hold in ourselves. When shaken, the repercussions could be deadly. And one must not even go close to that. But what happens when this power is nurtured by someone and respected enough only to be led by sheer breaking of the bubble to let it crumble under someone's feet you once thought you loved.

How confusing is Love?

I spend so much time weaving my own web with the careful details that at the end of it I am super proud of myself about my web, only to realize that I have no one to live with in that web. But isnt that the nature of the spiders? They live alone in their webs. But, Alas! I am a human. Sadly, a human.


************

Is it that the person understands and loves me...?? Or is it that the person takes me for granted and loathes me...?? Is it the lack of drama that interests me and keeps me going..? Or is there enough drama that I dont see it through my naked eyes..?
I cant believe that I am asking these questions. I didnt believe these questions would ever exist. But they indeed do. They just did!!

How do you decide how many compromises to make? Are they directly proportional to the nuisance that you have created in your own life or are they inversely proportional to the degree of the dramaless life that was created for you?

************

Saw this band perform yesterday and if I were a guy I would have made love with the lead singer. She was beautiful. Just yesterday, I explained my definition of "beautiful" to someone.



This was an awesome awesome band. Loved their attitude and their performance. :) And I see a relation with them.. as I plan on getting a starling on my chest for a tattoo.. :) I hope I see that day...soon.

I wish there is a Bright Light..

Su..Su.. Su...

And I just closed one of the most beautiful chapters of my life. I am ignorant. Forgive me, o dear lord, coz I don’t understand. But how I wish, I could turn that page back and re-read every single word of that chapter. I wish for a puff of wind to turn the pages for I am too stubborn to tread the same path all over again. More so, I am just exhausted.

I like myself a lovely poem and not a suicide note. I fear that reading it all over again will open up a side of it which I am not willing to see and so I chose to close the book instead.

Love is not lost. But life is cruel. Aint gonna make you the happiest person on this earth. Wish that particular chapter came with a translation to make certain that I understood the love poem as its meant to be. I aint no scholar. I am just a layman.

I hope I can keep the book till all of it is read. I hope those last chapters still have love phrases in them coz I am a lovebud and I can only get that far without it.

Wish you all the luck and love in the life to come. You deserve the very best. And I don’t insult myself when I say that I have loved you with all I got and I always will.

Current State: I sincerely wish that I am dreaming. I don’t dream much, but these days I have been. And I so wish that I get woken up to your sweet voice reading those pages again.


Dated 11/02/10
Haha.. In hindsight, I feel sorry for this post.. Nothing is stronger than the power of time. And indeed I woke up to his sweet voice.. :)

Khoyi Khoyi Si

khoyi khoyi si hoon main
kyun ye dil ka haal hai
dhundhle saare khaab hain
uljha har khayaal hai
saari kaliyaan murjha gayin
rang unke yaadon mein reh gaye
saare gharonde ret ke,
lehrein aayin lehron mein beh gaye.

raah mein kal kitne charaag the,
saamne kal phoolon ke baag the
kis se kahun kaun hai jo sune,
kaante hi kyun maine hain chune
sapne mere kyun hain kho gaye
jaage hain kyun dil mein gham naye

saari kaliyaan murjha gayin
rang unke yaadon mein reh gaye
saare gharonde ret ke,
lehrein aayin lehron mein beh gaye.

Kya kahun kyun ye dil udaas hai
ab koi door hai na paas hai
chhoo le jo dil wo baatein ab kahan
wo din kahan raatein ab kahan
jo beeta kal hai ab khwab sa
ab dil mera hai betaab sa

saari kaliyaan murjha gayin
rang unke yaadon mein reh gaye
saare gharonde ret ke,
lehrein aayin lehron mein beh gaye..

Tunnel

I dreamt of him.
I never dream! I generally dont dream!
And now that I did, it was him. It was a happy dream though. We hugged. :) And it was a goood hug.
Its unbelievable though.

Does he ever dream of me?

Magnetic

So Mom sent me this forward. Generally I just glance at her forwards, but this one was small so I actually read it. Its very 'forwardy' and not much appreciated by me but I think it does have a good meaning. Its strange how the wrong things fall in your lap at the right time. :) Moms know it all! Hell, how do they?

Here you go.


One day I decided to quit...

I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. "I would not quit." He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant... But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots.

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots."

"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. " Don't compare yourself to others .." He said. " The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern ... Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

Your time will come, " God said to me. " You will rise high! " How high should I rise?" I asked.

How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can? " I questioned.

" Yes. " He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can. "

I left the forest and bring back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

He will never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you happiness

Bad days give you experiences;

Both are essential to life.

A happy and meaningful life requires our continuous input and creativity. It does not happen by chance. It happens because of our choices and actions. And each day we are given new opportunities to choose and act and, in doing so, we create our own unique journey." Keep going...

QSQT

How can one not know about this movie. I love all the songs of this movie. I think I am going to spam my blog today with the 90's songs. This is actually 1988. So a little older, but I love it. It has a very free, rustic feel to it. Smells freedom. Two young lovers living it on their own and living happy. I get goosebumps everytime I listen to this song.

Sleepless in Seattle

One of the most beautiful mornings of my life was recently in Seattle. I dont know what it was about it that just made it so perfect. Was it the lift of pressure as my presentation at Amazon's HQ was over, or that I had such an awesome evening with my mid-western country loving manager who has two horses, or the beautiful view of the Space Needle through my window, or was it the perfect weather, or the outstanding song - O mere sapno ke saudagar, or was it the realization that I am just awesome, truly awesome? I cannot itemize it. I dont know what exactly was it. But it was just one of the most beautiful mornings of my life after a very very long time. It just made me realize so much and made me think that I need to love my life a lot more than what I already do. I am truly blessed. But I do know one thing that it was because of me for once and not someone else who made my life so beautiful. And I feel great!!!

Here is that view from my bed!

The unmatched 90's

No one can ever have anything more over-the-top than the 90's. Even the 60's and 70's were better than the 90's. The puffed sleeves, the pointed blouses, the thin glossy lips, the sparse bangs, colored smoke on the movie sets, heroes with long hair (and a horse!!), and so much more drama... its unbeatable!

Off late I have been listening to some of the bollywood 90's music and its outstanding! uncomparable! Just takes me back to those times that were mine. These are my memories and when I grow up, I am going to be talking to my kids about exactly these songs. HAHAHA. You have to listen to these, to understand what I am saying. And people from my generation who grew up in India will undoubtedly relate to these else their upbringing is a shame!

Typical #1


Typical #2
(All Ashiqui songs qualify for this list. I am having a very hard time choosing which ones should go on my blog)




Especial mention to the lyrics - "Zeher zindagi ka pee lenge hum"

And then there are some that even though they are typical, they are just timeless marvels and I cannot mock them.

#1


#2


Current Status - Nostalgic and loving the 90's

Strength

Its sad that I am not as well aware of the world around me as I used to be. Its sadder that I am not even aware anymore of my own country!

Heard of the recent cloudburst in Leh only today. And I am deeply upset. I had been there when I was a little girl and no other memories are comparably as beautiful as those ones. To see the city lose its beautiful landscaping and people coz of a natural phenomenon hurts me. But thankfully it didnt get ruined at the hands of a few gunmen.

The river with a huge stone (that had my name etched on it) is not there anymore. I wanted to go back and visit it. The trees with yellow flowers, the rustic smell, and the barren landscape will all be missing. I am just so glad that atleast I have those memories to live by and I do hope that Leh can recover.

**********

Rahul Gandhi should be a little more responsible about his and his family's well being. I totally understand where he is coming from when he choses to go to the interiors of India with minimal security. But one must not forget Rajiv Gandhi's demise could have been avoided if it was for better security. And India cannot afford to lose another Gandhi. It is a great attitude to serve the countrymen and not intimidate them with the crazy security that follows these politicians. The informal setting helps the young politician to build a better rapport and oneness with the masses. But in doing so he is being overtly ambitious and emotional. By trying to ape his father's style he is making me nervous. I really like him and I hope that I dont hear of any unnerving anytime.

Year

Its been exactly one year since the time I stepped into US for my graduation. Time flies. I cant think of any other span of twelve months where I had grown so much. I have grown on a personal and a professional front immensely. I didnt know of so many of my capabilities until now. Its just great to discover and then re-discover yourself over and over again. Just astounding! And at the same time, it sucks to see yourself fall flat on the ground with same problems over and over again!

Its been a year and one week that I have been away from home. I never feel homesick. The last time I did was probably first semester during engineering! That was my first time away from home and that was way long back. Currently I wouldnt call myself homesick, but there is this hollow feeling inside of me and I want to be home, be in my country, among my people. There is nothing like home and I talk of India when I say home. I miss the butt grazing, cotton kurtis, barista, bollywood music, and all that. Cant wait for Dec to come to dance in Munira's wedding!!

I have many more years to go and I intend to stay here for years to come. Past is always missed and should be thought of with fondness but one must move towards future with values learnt from the past. I love my country and my people but right now this is the best thing for me to evolve. Like I said, I havent grown and learnt as much as I have in the last one year ever before. And there is lot more to come.

Current Status - hopeful.

Another Day in Paradise

Has anyone ever seen what paradise looks like? Well, it was beautiful! But prolly because it doesnt exist in reality, it doesnt last. Its like a dream within a dream. Yes, just like Dicaprio's inception. Surreal.

If there exists paradise, then there definitely exists its opposite. Is it called hell? And indeed it does exist, coz its haunting me.

Today has been a roller coaster ride coz such varied and extreme emotions were visible in a span of 20 hours. Very intense!

I do understand the concept of "the balance". To experience the good, you have to experience the bad. But I dont want to. Id rather not have the good, to not have the bad.

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Does everyone have a limit to being indifferent? How long can one be indifferent towards something? 1 day, 1 week, a month, a year, 10 years..or it depends? But is there a finite limit? Is it limited by time or is it limited by quantity? How much can one take? If its time, then do things and people start mattering to you after a certain period of time? You could choose to either like them or dislike them. But you cannot be indifferent towards them! You do feel, don't you?
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Is it just me or does it happen to everyone? How long can one continue to give an ear to someone. They sure need it and they are your people, but are you invincible? Dont you have enough problems of your own? Will they stop being your friend if you refuse to be a part of their mundane talks? Well! Its entertaining, dont get me wrong. But you are a human too. Or arent you?

Current Status - Irritated

Clarity defied

Never thought I would have had to deal with being overweight. Fat. I am officially F.A.T. Can anybody come up with a full-form for this acronym.
Can I sue Starbucks for making the best icecream in the world-their java chip frappuccino. I sure should be able to. You can sue anyone and everyone in this country. I am lazy. I would have never ever gone out in my tattered PJs to Walgreens and gotten myself one of those evil things. But I just did. At midnight!

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I want to work in an Amir Khan movie and pair opposite Abhay Deol. I want to get into movie for these two awesome awesome men. I have mentioned this before in my posts about Amir Khan. But Abhay Deol knows is acting. Can beat the likes of newbies like Ranbir, Imraan etc. I love them both, but there is something that draws me towards Abhay Deol. I wish Sonam Kapoor could be as good in her acting abilities as she is in her looks. She looks s-t-u-n-n-i-n-g. I really want to watch Aisha. Love this song. I know I am going to listen it long enough. :)



Current Status - Confused emotions.

The Soup

Some ideas and ideals are so specific and unusual that it is hard to explain to others. You might catch a few estranged glances and you might even hear a giggle. But the satisfaction that it gives to the vision holder is unparalleled. He can live a lifetime through these little perfect "times".

It could be the idea of reading a book by the windowsill, or having a hot cup of coffee by a bay window when its raining outside. It could also be having a perfect bowl of soup at your fav cafe while browsing the internet, or it could be looking at the stars up in the dark sky while camping. These, by no means, are unachievable targets in the grand scheme of things. Some of these are things that people are capable of doing everyday. But then what makes them so special? Its the Calm. Its the way these things make people feel. Special. At Peace. Calm. Beautiful. et al..

In the busy life that we all live, I have had numerous incidents where people are so busy giving time to others and nurturing beautiful relationships that they forget to pamper themselves..they forget to spend time with their own self. And thats why these lone "times" are the perfect gifts even though they might seem uncanny to others.

And then there are those few who do understand your ideas and these are the people that you think you love... and you probably do. :)

Current Status - Taking a resolution to spend more time with myself when back in Phoenix.

Speed Racing - Race against time!

I hope I get a place of my own...soon. Its about time!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Optimism is overrated, just like love. I dont want to get entangled in the complexities of either.

-------------------------------------------------------------

A friend!
Sometimes you stand at the threshold wanting to take that leap, but have no idea in which direction.
I want to talk, but dont know what. I want to share, but dont know with who.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Expectations can get you across or can drown you. Such opposing possibilities and so much at stake. All at the mercy of the interpretation and delivery of those expectations.

Current Status - Cul-de-sac

A wanderer's wish

I LOVE TO TRAVEL. Can I say this in any other way to emphasize it further.. !! I just love to travel. (Mind your brain with the overusage of the word 'Love' in the next few lines). When I travel --> I love what I learn, I love what I feel, I love to explore, I love to experience the culture, I love to shop at the local markets, I love to walk and walk, I love to talk to the people, I love to inhale the new air, I love making new friends, I love being a wanderer without a plan, I love to be spontaneous, although I love to plan the day, I love using a map, I love.. I love.. I love it... (that said, I hate to learn a new language.. I dont like the communication barrier.. damn.. !)

But yes. I do enjoy travel a lot. I would prefer the more exotic locations and unchartered territories but I still do enjoy the regular everyday big cities. At this point with limited time, I will take what I get. I have been to a number of places in the last 2 months. And each and every city had a certain something about itself. Not many could differentiate, but I certainly could. They smelt different, so different!

I really liked Boston. Thanks to a certain someone in my life that I enjoy history so much now (let me take this opportunity to mention that I was one of those students who cried before her History exam unlike other kids who did so before Mathematics). Charles River, the age old buildings, Cambridge (house to two of the best universities of the world), jazz, the rustic bars and what not.. It was surreal. It enchanted me. It grew onto me. The suburbs only added to the story of Boston.

On the other hand, Seattle was a different world. Its a very modern city with a country feel to it. The age old country feel still resides in the heart of this modern and upcoming city. Its gives the feel of a small SFO like town, but the country feel takes it far far away from SFO. And I am glad it does. Public Market - a sure place to visit. Its my kinda day well spent!! And the little Cheesecake shop - The Best! Seattle also grew onto me coz of my immense love for the "idea" of coffee. Its the coffee capital of the world. I liked the feel of Vivace, but surely not the best that I have seen. But soooo my kinda place. Gotta find something like that back home.

Now that I write about coffee, Bangalore's Open Barista at Barton Centre still remains my fav. Nothing can beat that.

Indianapolis - What it brings? Its people! Nothing like the people from the Midwest. They speak from their heart and are very straight forward. The feeling of warmth just seeps into you and you are a part of the family. Amazing. Suits me and my nature perfectly fine. But very country and that clearly doesnt suit me. But Lady Daze Cafe is a lovely find.

Haha.. I am digging coffee places these days. Hi-Fi to that..

I have learnt so much by just travelling. I LOVE TO TRAVEL. But dont get me wrong. I dont want to be a wanderer. I do want to come back to my home. My very own space. But I soon need to get on the road and do some hard-core travelling. We talking real stuff here.. ! :)

Current Status - Dreamy

The Ephemeral Life

A lot has been said about life
..Life is a journey
..Life is a game
..Life is what you make out to be..

And in fairness to all, these perspectives are all acceptable. But more often that not what strikes me the most about "Life" is the fact that everything in it is so temporary. There really isnt any 'forever' to Life. Its like a sitcom with every episode narrating a new story, a new chapter, a new incident.. Although a few characters remain same to not confuse the audience but in your Life all that is constant is YOU.

I have been dealing with variables a lot off late. Just too many of them. I could not come to realize what my scholarly b-school professors were talking about uptil now. I didnt even realize that my answer to the infamous 'ambiguity' question in the interviews was what I actually will have to deliver. The world is suddenly real..sometimes surreal. That said, I have started to respect variability even though I am not ready yet to handle it.

But did I ever realize that I have actually been dealing with it for a long long time. My life's chapters have been fairly short although with ever lasting effects on the remaining ones. Its a nice story build-up utilizing the characters from the earlier episodes. The audience always enjoys when a long lost character is brought to life..dont they?

Recently, another episode that had grown over the last 9 months ended. But unlike all other episodes in this sitcom, this didnt really reach a climax. I think that should add a different twist to the series called Life. Something different is always appreciated, isnt it?

Just glad that this time I didnt give in.
Better luck next time..

Current Status - In my own company... !

Sneaky Bastards

So .. b school is really sneaky.. And I need to get rid of it as soon as possible..

G bye blog..

Killer ada..

KOBE BRYANT ....
I am completely in LOVE with that guy.. Arrogant, not a team player, aggressive, has charges of rape, horrible taste in tattoos and there are more not-so-nice qualities as a person associated with him. He never smiles.. But when he does it is totally KILLER.. man.. ooooh HOT.. Its been a while that someone has made me melt like that..


But my heart is with Celtics and I hope they win tonight.. :)
LETS GO CELTICS..!!! LETS GO CELTICS..!!!

Current Status - Totally melted and oomphed out.. !!

Sunrise

How beautiful can my morning get... to be woken up to this song.. :)

(And to somebody's baritone voice)

Good morning Life.. !! I am smiling at you..

Current Status - Living life.. and loving it..

Return

And I always.. always.. without fail.. see myself returning to the old cave that has given me food, support, shelter, and everything that I needed for survival. Seasons come and go, friends part ways, and I get disappointed over and over again. And thats the time this little tigress coyly turns her feet to her old little tattered rock of a cave.. Love it.

Love him. Thanks for being there.

Current Status - Thankful

Sailor's Swallow

I have come a long way since last December. The ups and downs that I have seen are aplenty. B-school, a new country, different people, different standard of living, different priorities et al have all thrown me off the edge and taken me a lot of time to understand. I had questioned my learning graph. B-school kept me so busy that my interest in politics was dying, my ability to be aware of the world around me was dying. All I found myself being entangled in was the politics and nuances of a small community of the b-school. I always wanted to know and experience a US high school feeling and I guess with a bunch of 'popular girls' and a bunch of 'cool guys' and a certain set of 'supporter idiots' all existing in my b-school I got that experience first hand. And I dont want to rule out the possibility that I might have been a part of this high school drama at some point too. You know its so strong a thrust that you just get sucked into it without knowing. And by being so closely involved in all this, I felt that I was losing out on all the good learning. Business learning also seemed to stop after the first trimester and didnt keep me as involved as I thought it should. But now that the summer is here, its doing a very good job helping me recuperate. I still havent had time to breathe, but its still my time!

As I look back to the last nine months that I have spend here in US, I realize that I have learnt so much. I have experienced life first hand. I feel blessed to have lived a life the way I just did. How many get the opportunity to visit countries and cities and meet people and live life completely unfazed all by oneself. I cant bring myself to describe how grateful I am to the freedom that I am enjoying. I am living a life that I want to and I call my shots. Totally unfazed by anything that is binding. Its scary sometimes. We all like some restrictions and as a result create some for our own selves. But currently I have managed to fight that natural instinct and live life that I have designed. And I am loving it. But somewhere I know, this will not last. I will not let it last.

Current Status - Loving the smell of freedom

Nocare..

..Connecting people, but with a disconnect!

Shit happens..

..but life moves on.

In this weird scenario that I find myself dealing with there are some small good things that happen to you and you realize that world is a better place than what you thought it was.

Cheers! to Life.. that stops for no one..

The show must go on... Looking forward to Boston and then Indianapolis.

Love Undone

And.. history repeats itself but everytime it adds a new touch to it.. just so that we are not bored.. Oh it takes care like that.. (sarcastic sarcastic smile).

Or I wonder.. isnt this a work of circular existence. I googled the idea of circular existence, but the theory isnt well developed and is mostly retorted back at by the cynics who want to take the blame for everything that goes wrong and just dont want to leave it to the fate.

But oh well.. ! Whatever it is.. life kicks you in the butt right when you think you have a very nice ass...! Such is life..

Why are guys so confused?..yes these days my posts are clouded by guy-thoughts but they are indeed holding a lot of my attention off late.. I understand I am here to study and make a career for myself and blah blah blah.. But Im still 25 and enjoying life... So..

Why are guys so confused? I always wanted to have a relationship with a bad guy... and I have it now. All my guy friends and boy friends have been men of the highest honor and I couldnt have been treated better. But I finally have had my share of a bad experience - an experience with a bad guy. A guy who cheats, who lies, who is scared of commitment (so am I with this guy.. but woteva), who hides things and makes excuses. Well, he opens the doors for me...all the possible doors in the world - car door, restaurant door, home door and on and on goes the door opening. It really gets irritating sometimes.. Yes, it gets irritating esp when you know he aint in love with you. Partly he is not the best guy in the world and partly coz he is American! They are so slow in getting involved with someone. And they are always so polite and make things seem otherwise. I never falter in seeing through guys.. or for that matter people. But this is my first mistake.. or may be I was looking forward to this mistake.. and made it deliberately. I dont know.

What hurts is the fact that they prefer the chase. I could have been all "hard-to-get" and my life would have been amazing. Weird law but is indeed true!

Anyways. It was a weekend of horror! But who cares.. walk away is the new policy. Its surprising how easy that is for people and it is so opposite for me. I can forget (not forgive) and keep up than just let my relationships fall through.

Anyways, now I am hungry and I cannot type anymore.

Current Status - Angry/Pissed/In need for a drink

Referral

I feel loss of words today as I write this post. My mind is a 'mela' of all sorts of thoughts right now but I cannot bring myself to comprehend what each one of them is indicating and getting at and how can I organize them all. For an overtly organized person, this gives nightmares. These are the times that I dread.

I have been observing people a bit too much lately. Its amazing that how beyond the cultural barrier, everyone has the same way of thinking and delivering. And I was quite amused by it too. But come what may, I have come to realize that culture plays such a big role in a person's upbringing. Underneath everyone is still the same, but the layers that cover them coz of the culture and their upbringing brings about a massive change in people and its not easy to penetrate through.

Americans amuse me with the variety of people they exhibit. But then again, I guess so are Indians (and I say that coz I find it very difficult to explain to Americans how Indians are not just one kind and how not everyone in India touches everyone's feet). A friend of mine, J, constantly believes that every other girl who take an initiative to talk to him even once likes him. He calls this giving himself the 'benefit of doubt'. But how right is that? He looks deep into this girl's eyes, has the gut-smile* on this face, and kisses her forehead and then her cheek. And he clearly has a boner as he shows his affection for this girl. In conversations later, when this comes up he lives in denial and assumes the girl to take the responsibility for not pushing him away! Which girl pushes a guy away who shows such affection on her. .. errrrm he says American girls.. Haah..!! This blew me away. Is it really culture. Just coz that girl was Argentinian and she is more sensitive to other people's needs, she has to take responsibility for his boner.. ! Well I am sure, she is partly responsible. ;). I think all this is pretty immature for a 30 year old man.

And then there is another American friend that I have. He has one of the most atypical history an American guy can have. The way its depicted in movies. (I like I like). But he claims he is far away from there now and has grown out of the nuances of his life (he is well experienced that way..). But he likes it simple!!! Never talks openly about his past. Mystery hovers around him all the time.. and then he asks for things being simple and easy! Hypocrites - most Americans. I know every guy likes the chase better than the commitment. But even if there is no commitment, its difficult to have these American guys tied down the way our poor Indians guys mostly are.

But then there are exceptions. Or should I say the 'other kind'. Going strong for a number of years. Have'nt seen a couple so much in love before. When I look at them, it gives me jitters. I have never liked or loved anyone so much. Am I missing something?

And then there is another friend that I have, W. An overtly ethical kinds. The ones who would look down upon you if you did an individual project in a group! And might even consider complaining. Did I ever mention that Americans have this nasty habit of complaining. They are complaining all the time. Mostly about people around them. Its surprising how guys gossip here and that just increases my respect for my friends back home.

I guess I need to stop observing less and concentrate more on my Managerial Accounting exam that I have day after.

Current status - Disinterested/Confused

*gut-smile - A term that I coined which only I understand -- its the kind of smile that is most genuine, most intense and believable and it mostly is smiled when the guy is expressing his deep passion for his woman.

Miss You

I miss you..

I miss it..

I miss that..

:)

.. the music.. the breeze.. the hugs.. the drives.. the people.. the window.. the terrace.. oh my DG.. the cabs.. the corn.. the cheesecake.. my love.. my life..

P.S. Aboli.. you were somehow on my mind partly when I wrote this..

..not bad.. rather good..

Hmm.. So its been good lately..

No stories to be told, no reasons, and no I am not getting married! but life is just happy.

:D :D

Its good to live without caring about other people's perceptions about you!

Pretend

So.. a story..

There was this senior of mine from school. I dont remember by how many years was she senior to me, but I do remember she being my class prefect and also teaching us a dance to the tunes of 'Ra Ra Rasputin' for the Livingstone (green) house social.* She wasn't startlingly beautiful, but had very different features. She had a squared jaw, doesnt suit many but she carried it off pretty well. And her attitude was not liked by many. But I remember her telling me that she found me very beautiful, a beauty that was different and not clearly visible by many, and so I remember liking her more than anyone else.

Another thing that I remember about her was that she always wore that transparent nailpolish. I loved it. She had a sister, who was junior to me, and people from my batch kinda found her a retard and slow.**

So why am I mentioning her now? Well, recently I added her on facebook and if I remember right this was the second time that I sent her a friend request. And she ignored it! Haha. Now I am very sure that its not coz she doesnt remember me, coz she does. Coz I left her a personal msg which said things she'd know, but coz she is now married to my ex-good friend's elder brother!! How idiotic and narrow minded is that? I didnt kill her brother in-law man. There were misunderstandings and it just didnt work out. And not that I was his girlfriend. These are relationships and things can go wrong. I would understand if she was seeing him (my friend). But she is married to his elder bro!!

I just found it very stupid. Well, thats my perspective. Some people believe in showing their support for their friends and family members, by limiting their relationships with people who they have no direct problems with and who they knew much before the so-called problem persisted.

I wasnt pissed when she ignored the friend request, I was just sitting by my computer table and grinning in disgust. :)

* Socials: Wow.. its been a long long time that I thought about those. I had almost forgotten that those existed in our school :). How we juniors were always kept away from those and that made us get that same prom kinda feel.

** She had that weird boy cut at that time. But to my surprise, she has turned into a really beautiful girl today. And that teaches me a lesson to not have opinions about people you havent interacted with.

Stretchmarks

And the honeymoon period ends! I am sitting on the shitpot and writing this post.. Yeah yeah.. dont go euu and yikes..! Thats the only place in the entire house where I get some peace and am away from the realization that it has been hypnotized by a pink giant.

Aaah.. Happy one month to me! It was an awesome break and I couldnt have asked for a better one. Everything was perfect..everything was the way I wanted it to be..everything was on my terms and I didnt mind adjusting for the some. But now starts the diplomacy and the cold wars and the unknown acknowledgements of who gets the bigger piece of the pie.

Mom, I love you. Madhav, I love you. I wish I had more people to love. But the world isnt as easy as they make it for me. And I need to learn better. S square are great. I am close to loving them. But it stops right there.

Adios!

Language of Strength

I never thought I would miss reading newspapers, a habit that I cultivated out of sheer pressure of being aware of things around me. But I terribly miss it. There used to be a time when I would follow the Indian politics and knew the nitty gritties. Its been 7 months and I have no clue. At that point this article came to me and I loved reading it... loved forming opinions.. loved debating with myself and with people. It made sense.

For all those who blame India of being too soft - "we are a stable nation with a single centre of democratic authority, we talk with one voice. And unfortunately each time, that works against us". We just are no madmen.

The Madman Theory of Politics

Resilience

And.. its yet another new year. Another year has gone whooshing by. I have never been so lost and unaware of myself. There had come a point in time few years back when I had decided that I will stop trying to know myself. Coz it was a mystery, almost like a treasure hunt, and it tortured me as I never felt anywhere close to the treasure trunk. The more I tried to solve the mystery, the more I felt I was drifting away from knowing myself. And I decided to not try any further. Thought this to be the best approach as a little mystery in life is always good. Guys like a mysterious girl, dont they? :)

But NO. I aint no guy. And I need to be aware of what I want, what I intend to do, what my aim is and all that. I am a girl with plans. I always have plans. Yes, I love spontaneity. But then again, if it is well planned. How is it that this time.. in this new year... I am lost! I thought of a new year resolution. But I was so distant from myself that I didnt even know what I wanted. In 25 years, I saw my first shooting star. It was beautiful :) But I didnt wish for anything. I didnt know what to wish for. There are, at this juncture in my life, so many things that are of importance. But I cant prioritize. I am being trained to be a manager.. and I cannot prioritize my own life. What am I getting at?

*Oh at that.. some people believe that I talk about my MBA so often coz I want the world to know. But I have never before enjoyed learning as much as I do in my MBA program. I hate finance, Yes. But thats about it. So yeah, I will continue to talk about it.*

So I am still lost. But right now all I know is that I need to show some resilience. Be what I always was and always have been and always will love to be. At this my mom reminded me of her favorite dialog from Jab We Met - I love myself and I am my favorite.

I am not going to allow myself to succumb to the nincompoops that are around me. It is staggeringly difficult though. I thought I could. It was 10 days into the new years with such strong thoughts in my mind and I messed up again. I couldn't do it. But to not give up is what I am aiming at. There you go... ! My new year resolution - To not give up.

Cheesy man.. these resolutions are..but I am reviving a lot of old things. Lets try this one too. And not to forget - Garima, be good to everyone. How much ever you need to fake it, still be good. Thats what the world wants. A flatterer-backbiter friend rather than a true-on the face foe. Although I choose otherwise, the world doesn't and you need to FIT in. Don't you?