Slow Fart

What will it take for me to stop meeting dumb guys??

For the longest time I have believed or rather been forced to believe by my own mother and my own self-conscience that I must have my head far up my own ass to think that all men I meet are dumb, un-witty, or rather slow. But God forgive me I have given these dumb motherfu*****s enough chances to prove their mettle but they dont stand. Oblivious of the nuances of life and the realities thereof they are so unaware.. its flabbergasting. I am not the smartest kid on the block nor am I a beauty queen. I have no right whatsoever to condemn anyone. And I know how wrong and biased this perspective of mine is. But oh my good lord.. I cannot stand this frivolousness anymore! You can only tolerate stupidity for so long. They sleep like a baby unaware of how much stink their shit has caused not allowing me to sleep. Everything doesnt become ok in the morning!! Its just morning.. its not re-birth. My brain cells havent died to get new life in them in the 'morning' you dimwit! Everything in the world is not "ok". Just coz your tiny little loser of a brain doesnt get it doesnt mean its ok. Its not!! When you dont know something dont argue. Take it for a given that I know life better than you do. Just take it for what its worth. Coz I cannot control myself when I get a chance to say "I told you so"!! And thats almost always! How wrong can you be? And how wrong can you be over and over again not listening to me about things you have no clue about! That dick of a male ego. If only it was ever right. Its not like I dont make mistakes. I do and when I do I make myself sound like a baby and say sorry a gazillion times. But if that only happens rarely dont try to match it. You say sorry for as many times as your sad brain stopped giving you company! And when you do say sorry atleast have the courtesy to self-reflect asshole. Coz I will literally shoot you to honor your slow head for allowing you to do the same thing over and over again. Dont sit in the balcony clicking pictures and posting on instagram while telling me that you were sad and regretful! Im on your instagram.. you know that right or you couldnt even fathom something that simple. And do you feel? You know emotions and shit... coz thats how one determines and solves for all these big questions around life and death, euthanasia, abortion, etc. Do you feel anything asshole?

Aaarghhh... 

done ranting. 

Musings

I thought I should wait an exact year before I wrote my next post, but then I thought it will be very tacky and really no one cares about it.

I have been thinking of moving back to India. But many people are talking me out of it. They say Im forgetting the “little things” that will berate my move to India. And who knows better than me about the “little things” in life. Its true. But I do miss India. I miss the smell. I also recently learnt through an article that it’s the smell that drives sex. If you like the smell of your partner its only then that things get real and raunchy. I don’t believe I just used that word – raunchy! So far I haven’t had a lot of luck with the smells I like in terms of the guys I meet or the places I live in.

I loved my little rooms that I lived in either it be my college hostel or the PG accommodation in Bangalore. They all had a flair. A little something of their own. They weren’t grand but they were real. That huge window in one overseeing the yellow flowers and the grey construction and the small window in the other allowing the rain to freely enter into my room along with its refreshing smell and breeze overseeing the terrace and the NGV park where boys waiting to become men played soccer in the mud.

I like my place now too. Its big with floor to ceiling windows, a great view et al. But it just lacks the smell of the fresh flowers or the fresh air. But well, it oversees the room windows and the pool of the hotel next door and trust me I have seen some people that really like each other’s smell in there.

I have a friend. He is moving back to India. Lucky bastard. He is scared. But I know he will do just fine.

I think I am becoming a workaholic. Yikes!!! Eeeu. A workaholic! Even when I don’t really have to work, I find work to do and tell myself that I need to in order to do justice to my job. But that’s not true. Im fooling myself. I know well enough how to get out of a task I don’t really want to do. No one can make me do stuff except for me, myself!.

I think Im going to read and write more. Afterall I have gotten myself reading glasses. Need to put them to some good use. No, I really cant see. The ultimate year and the penultimate truth.

Cool quotient

I realized I dont have an opinion anymore.. Is that really sad?
psst.. Am I going to be a boring 30 year old in the near future? I wanted to be cool. Is it un-cool to not have opinions?

A read

Now I am not too much of a reader and thus the task of choosing a book to read become mighty difficult. The choice process has to hit the absolutely perfect book and this cannot miss the target, else the book will be dusted more often than read. Through the process of elimination, I have realized that I dont like fictions. I dont know how absolutely true that is but if the book is absolutely situational and has no true setting or substance to it I lose interest. I give myself the "i have better things to do in my life than read someone else's idea of someone else's life who didnt exist". Very cynical, I must say, but still true. And I am no one to talk books. Its like the little 4 year olds who I detest because they come to me with that humor that says "you didnt even know that!!". Yeaa... Hell ya.. YOU little boy, 3 inches off the ground... you dont know how it really works... ! Well, thats my guards up to little kids who try to outsmart me. And I am just like that when it comes to books.

But I truly want to be very careful. I dont want to chose a book too optimistic that makes me feel bad about where I stand today, and I dont want the book to be too pessimistic that makes me feel that there is no hope. Travel and history being my fav topics, they both can be so super awesome or absolutely a drag. I think I will delve into Marketing for a change. Marketing for dummies!! I like kindle coz then I dont have to hold the book in my hand as that and look dumb. I can still sit in Starbucks with my fav cup of coffee and read. That reminds me, Starbucks has totally done away with the whole "cup of coffee" feel. Where are the cups!!

Dr. Strangelove

Today's learnings:

- Strange how two posts one after the other reference the same person and perception but in totally differently light.

- Men will always be boys.

- How one meeting can change so much in your life. One interview, one date, one phone call, one conversation and your life changes from what it could have been. Sometimes its a life changing turn, sometimes its just a different outcome to the evening. Both still good. :)

- One bad thing always and always leads to another good thing. Have faith.

- Seattle o Seattle. It squirms. Networking - Thumbs up. Dating - Thumbs down.

- Oh.. and strange people like strange movies. I guess thats the road to coolness. Hehe.

- On a different note, I saw Jeff B. No No. Didnt talk to him, didnt shake his hands, just saw him. Pretty cool still. He is leaner than what I thought he would be.

- We made a Guinness World Record of maximum kazoos in a room. What I learnt? that Kazoo is crazzzzy...

- I love the baby that just walked past me. I can bite her pink cheeks out.

- Beautiful mornings can do so much good to you.

What I havent learnt:

- Answer to Are men dumb?

- What does a man want?

- Why pay for Mix Master Mike when you dont get to hear him play for more than 10 mins?

- Why did I order a Double Chocolate muffin over a less chocolaty scone.. !!!?!!

- Why do people make queues to board the plane? They are not going to get a better seat or get in any faster?

- Why did I not get a call? I expected more. I respected more.

Deep sigh! A Smile! All is well!

Switching places

Where is the calm? With so much happening around me and so little happening inside of me, there is this state of unrest that I have become accustomed to. I have literally lost my senses. I cant smell the rain, and neither can I feel the warmth of the sun. There is this sadness that hovers over me. Is this 27?

Life has drifted away in the last 5 hours. At 22 it seemed to be in control. Nothing was planned but it still was so crisp. There were dreams and hopes and willingness to take control. Its so without hopes now. I have crushed everything I ever wanted to be. I have given in to the regular. I feel so distressed. Its lonely in here...this side of the world..this side of the life.

**********************

I dont believe in signs but when in one same night.. you see an episode of friends where the purple house is getting packed up coz they are moving out and everyone now has a life to live and they are all moving on in life... and on the other hand you see Forrest Gump stopping his run coz he has left his past behind and is moving on... gives you a sense if you are forcing yourself to not understand.. to not get it yet.. !!

**********************

I am planning a wine night with my girlfriends in a bar filled with rich dudes.. should be fun. Im giving in.

**********************

He and I share a very soothing relationship. I didnt think I would say this a year back.. but we have grown out of it and Im glad we did. He gets me and makes me feel better. We share in our own special way. But we complain like everyone else. We are there for each other always yet not there. I wish him all the love and luck in life. He has made a great stride and will continue to do so and I know one day will make me super proud..

**********************

Its feels amazing when people acknowledge your presence and give you that respect. When you feel you have earned it, you have won them over. Little rewards of my workplace. I am falling in love with them. They like me. :) I know they do.

*********************

So I got a rishta.. Of course Im turning 27 this year! Now its not such a unheard thing. Perfect guy but he is my height and Im SHORT!! Hehe.. I have always been with tall guys. Not regular height, but tall. Out of habit cant take this one. I should be the last one making an issue out of this. Makes me laugh out loud!

*********************

I love Java chip frappucino. I am addicted to it. Yes I am. Guilty!

*********************

So Yes. I miss myself at 22. Well then, I missed myself at 18. Its the circle of life. And you know what I finally have regrets. The great Miss Principles has finally left sight of each and every of her principles. No wonder I feel so lost. I have become a suffering to my own self. I saw myself a certain way and I dont see myself at all now.

Post Mortem

And I just realized something. And why.. now? Well, there is no directing the mind. It takes a stroll when it wants to.

It wasnt the person...but it was the acknowledgement!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT... Thats all. Thats the answer.

My today's facebook status:-
"When time is never ready to wait for us, then Why should we always wait for the right time??" No time is wrong to do the right thing...

I hate you (like I love you)

Another one of my best friends is getting married. People I was so close to, people I worked with, people I shared my innermost feelings with, people who are my friends and who love me, people whose lives were just like mine... they are all getting married. It feels weird.

She sounded just normal as if nothing extraordinary had happened. This was ought to happen, she says. They were in love. They wanted to get married. It wasnt thought or talked about. It just was the next step. They were in love. :)

She called me yesterday and said, "my wedding date is fixed. Its 17th Feb."

************************************************************************************

She called again and they talked. ..... .... and the cycle continues. The never ending, vicious, heart breaking, tiring cycle still continues. Powered by determination, or lack of self esteem, or worse still, the need to regain her self esteem, she continues to disrupt my life. And he watches like a silent observer. He says he is a helper. God sent! Son of God to help the needy and the poor and the desperates!!! Respect!!

God helps those who help themselves.
And, One who cannot help himself cannot help anyone!

************************************************************************************

Two such contrasting emotions in a single day, but all so true.

C'est la vie !!!

Sharaab

"nasha sharaab mein hota toh naachti botal..."

- As was once reiterated by a friend of mine... good times :) A line to think upon.

Goldfish

So the only way you can find out how much people love you is to see how much they want to talk to you or be with you when you cut ties with them. Or when you dont initiate to be a part of their lives. They come back flocking to you. But what if they dont? What if no one ever does? Have you spent all your life in vain? Trying to make relations that indeed never really existed. What do people in this state do? Beg? Plead? Cry? Yearn? Or just be angry and go their own way looking for more people to make a part of their lives?

Just a thought.

In the end..

...it doesnt even matter

She lay on his lap with the evening sun shining right through her balcony door and a beam nicely resting on her dull and dry hair making it look like one those L'oreal ad's models. It seemed beautiful and peaceful. She was calm after a long time. Her calm only to be interrupted by the ever so loud beep of the car parked downstairs. His gleamingly beautiful and expensive sedan was apparently getting humped by a SUV. Mind you the word to be noticed here is 'apparent'. But he throws her off his lap and rushes to look through the balcony door to adore his car which was perfectly silent and living a happy and uninterrupted life. She was jealous. And just like that, it was over!

Coffee and some more..

Its a beautiful day today. Nope its not in the 60s.. its actually 75. But thats perfect for me who doesnt like cold one bit. And for some god damn reason this Starbucks is playing some of the most beautiful songs. I am going to pay up more to get my Shazam updated. I need it!!!

So I was chatting with a friend online (yup.. now thats not what I normally do at my time out in a coffee shop but I had to talk to this one).. and this is how the conversation went.

Friend: kya kar rahi hai

Me: starbucks mein hun... coffee.. music.. blog.. people.. dreams... and a little uneasiness from using a tampon

It was just funny. It was a quick thoughtless reply but a funny one. Not one of my general replies. So yes, I dont know how people do it but there is this constant feeling of something inside and how much ever one might think of it to be a good thing, it isnt...!

ok. Yoga time now. Yes I have to write about that. Its been a good experience.

Current Status - Coffee and much more..

A Sailboat

Not all those who wander are lost...

..A reminder to self..

Blue skies..

Its very important for a man to know what he is doing. Experience is the key..but bad/foul experience can kill the joy.

Welcome October

I just love the month of October :) Its gorgeous.

Fo Sho coz it contains my birth date.. But there is more to it than just that.. Its just a beautiful month.. just beautiful.

Tunnel

I dreamt of him.
I never dream! I generally dont dream!
And now that I did, it was him. It was a happy dream though. We hugged. :) And it was a goood hug.
Its unbelievable though.

Does he ever dream of me?

Magnetic

So Mom sent me this forward. Generally I just glance at her forwards, but this one was small so I actually read it. Its very 'forwardy' and not much appreciated by me but I think it does have a good meaning. Its strange how the wrong things fall in your lap at the right time. :) Moms know it all! Hell, how do they?

Here you go.


One day I decided to quit...

I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. "I would not quit." He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant... But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots.

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots."

"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. " Don't compare yourself to others .." He said. " The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern ... Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

Your time will come, " God said to me. " You will rise high! " How high should I rise?" I asked.

How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can? " I questioned.

" Yes. " He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can. "

I left the forest and bring back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

He will never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you happiness

Bad days give you experiences;

Both are essential to life.

A happy and meaningful life requires our continuous input and creativity. It does not happen by chance. It happens because of our choices and actions. And each day we are given new opportunities to choose and act and, in doing so, we create our own unique journey." Keep going...

Speed Racing - Race against time!

I hope I get a place of my own...soon. Its about time!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Optimism is overrated, just like love. I dont want to get entangled in the complexities of either.

-------------------------------------------------------------

A friend!
Sometimes you stand at the threshold wanting to take that leap, but have no idea in which direction.
I want to talk, but dont know what. I want to share, but dont know with who.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Expectations can get you across or can drown you. Such opposing possibilities and so much at stake. All at the mercy of the interpretation and delivery of those expectations.

Current Status - Cul-de-sac

Sunrise

How beautiful can my morning get... to be woken up to this song.. :)

(And to somebody's baritone voice)

Good morning Life.. !! I am smiling at you..

Current Status - Living life.. and loving it..