To You,
I derive happiness from small things in life. That being said, bigger things in life leave me spellbound and I dont know how to react. I start doubting their enormity. Something similar happened to me a couple of days back when I heard the news that I had been willing to hear for over 4 months now. I was successful at last. But I didnt know if I was happy. I was so well prepared for the worst that I had almost started living the alternate life. To give my reaction a direction, my only critic didnt seem happy either. I decided to not be overwhelmed. And I continued with my preset agenda for the night (which indeed got a push as a result of the sucessful news). I was with friend log, people who dont know me well and who I dont intend to make a part of my successes and failures, and so it was the perfect setting. I was far away from being reminded of anything that I didnt want to think of.
And in all this I forgot that there are people who care for me, people who are willing to be a part of my life, people who deserve to be a part of my life. Its their right and I am no one to decide. Not everything about your life is governed by you. Id say most of it is not. I want to say 'I am Sorry'. I am so so sorry. You have been more than a friend to me. I did say those nasty things about you being selfish et all...well.. I still stand by them ;) , but you still have given to me that which no one could - hope, faith and confidence. I am not those who forget and are long gone. You should know that about me by now. There is not one thing that I have forgotten - Tulips, Pure, Oh Man, Hint, Empire, Eggs etc etc. No one forgets. Priorities change, relationships dont.
It wasnt my success that got to me, but my inability to celebrate that did. I couldnt have done that without you. I have always complained and I didnt even realise when it became inevitable for me to move ahead without you. I am so glad you are there and would not lose you for anything in this world. I love you.
From
Me
Monday, March 9, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
3...
Today is the day that I thought I would never see. But more often than desired you are introduced to a new side of your own and you realise you are a bigger stranger to yourself than anyone else walking on the road. And to accustom yourself to this new something you redefine your principles, your fundas, your focus.. you redefine yourself...!! And what is right and what is wrong? And who decides that? You? And how do you what you have decided is right or wrong? Arrghh!! I have asked this a lot and I dont like to ask no more..coz I never get an answer.
This time it has stretched the longest. I am happy I could stand and fight. But how much longer?
And as is rightly said... 'Teen tigada, kaam bigada'... I am just sitting in anticipation for things to take their turn. Although I have played safe this time but sayings dont falter too often.
This day shall not be forgotten.
This time it has stretched the longest. I am happy I could stand and fight. But how much longer?
And as is rightly said... 'Teen tigada, kaam bigada'... I am just sitting in anticipation for things to take their turn. Although I have played safe this time but sayings dont falter too often.
This day shall not be forgotten.
Monday, March 2, 2009
The Fling
..And all I needed was one large vodka..or may be two.
On a related note I love the song and the video below. That woman is soo very sexy.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Yesterday..
..seems not so far away with its memories vividly etched in my mind. Why does a deja vu occur for each one of them? Why cant I get rid of them? Why does he still exist? I guess coz I still do and everything that is mine will.
I have always loved this song and I still do. But I still dont know why?
What happened today was not new to me. It was like a refresher course wherein you know everything already but are just hazy on the details. And it becomes a drag sometimes and invariably takes you back to the first time you learnt it all. Not always is it a good feeling. Stuck am I? Not really, I say.
I have always loved this song and I still do. But I still dont know why?
What happened today was not new to me. It was like a refresher course wherein you know everything already but are just hazy on the details. And it becomes a drag sometimes and invariably takes you back to the first time you learnt it all. Not always is it a good feeling. Stuck am I? Not really, I say.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Rose Petals
Disclaimer : Its a very off post. And after much consideration, I have decided to post it. I hold no responsibility for the poor read.
And there is this one person who has stormed in. Only a couple of meetings. The internet age has taken its toll on the girl. With an eye for rightly judging people, she stands miffed and confused with the nature and characteristic of this stranger in her life. But hey! They are both grown-ups and know exactly what they want and what they are headed for. Just a little fun in life. No one is bothered about relationships and commitments and truthfulness. Its all about just having some fun and excitement.
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"Am I too conservative and old in my thinking? I still get jitters when I hear the word 'love'. Is it me in wrong here or has the word really lost its importance? I had learnt its meaning the hard way and so I hold it very close to me. I have been in this awkward situation a number of times and it is generally followed by an awkward silence wherein I am just figuring out how one can love someone in just a couple of meetings!! But then he says so.
Some say this word is just hyped too much and I wouldn't disagree. It so is. I think I need to grow up a little more and like my friend just take the usage more casually than otherwise. And as far as no reciprocation is expected, it should be cool..!!"
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This new guy is keeping the girl occupied. There is suddenly so much excitement in her life. The wait is sweet.. sweeter than she expected it to be. But ignorance here is not bliss and she cannot stand it. His lack of involvement scares her sometimes, but then she is not looking for a camaraderie here. Sheer fun is her motto.
Is it? Does she even know what she is getting into. She always ends it all in a mess with one less person as her 'admirer'. But I guess the journey is worth the disastrous end. And this time she is trying a new approach altogether. All the best to her.
And there is this one person who has stormed in. Only a couple of meetings. The internet age has taken its toll on the girl. With an eye for rightly judging people, she stands miffed and confused with the nature and characteristic of this stranger in her life. But hey! They are both grown-ups and know exactly what they want and what they are headed for. Just a little fun in life. No one is bothered about relationships and commitments and truthfulness. Its all about just having some fun and excitement.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Am I too conservative and old in my thinking? I still get jitters when I hear the word 'love'. Is it me in wrong here or has the word really lost its importance? I had learnt its meaning the hard way and so I hold it very close to me. I have been in this awkward situation a number of times and it is generally followed by an awkward silence wherein I am just figuring out how one can love someone in just a couple of meetings!! But then he says so.
Some say this word is just hyped too much and I wouldn't disagree. It so is. I think I need to grow up a little more and like my friend just take the usage more casually than otherwise. And as far as no reciprocation is expected, it should be cool..!!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This new guy is keeping the girl occupied. There is suddenly so much excitement in her life. The wait is sweet.. sweeter than she expected it to be. But ignorance here is not bliss and she cannot stand it. His lack of involvement scares her sometimes, but then she is not looking for a camaraderie here. Sheer fun is her motto.
Is it? Does she even know what she is getting into. She always ends it all in a mess with one less person as her 'admirer'. But I guess the journey is worth the disastrous end. And this time she is trying a new approach altogether. All the best to her.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Timeless Journey in PINK
Could I ask for a busier life? Could I ask for more travel? Could I ask for more writing? Phew.. Its been one hectic month. And this was December. Looks like I am living a black & white life. Coz this month has been an overtly prolonged vacation. A vacation that was uncalled for. I had the most amazing time when I visited home during Christmas. I wanted it. I had yearned for it. But this recent one has left me with scars. Scars that I am not sure will ever heal.
No, dont let your horses ride too far. I just got down with Chicken Pox. I'm doing fine now. Almost recovered. Thanks for asking. :)
So, its Valentine's day in a few days and I am gonna be home with Mom probably baking brownies. Thats the plan for Saturday! Not that I am complaining but I miss college days when there was more to Valentine's day than just the protest. My earliest memories take me to Junior College days when we ironically celebrated Traditional Day on 14th Feb. I remember I wore a plain pink chiffon saree. Though I hate the colour, I loved the saree. We were soon shooed out of the college as sainiks - the then guardian of the Indian culture and now the pioneers of this movement - were coming. We went to an empty house of a friend in a nearby posh locality and had the most fun. Ofcourse still in the pink saree. Then came the Rose day that we celebrated on Valentine's day in SE as a part of Addiction - our college festival. I am so proud of the way we had organised the event.It was a hit. There was so much enthusiam then for V-day celebrations. Then there was the legendary Mirchi Cola dinner and the leather pen stand the following year. And in the last year of college it was the unforgettable dinner at Le Dolce Vita with the Champaign, thermocol hearts and a lot of nervousness/excitement. It was magical. The worst evening ever turning into the most memorable one I might ever have. And there were Tulips the following year in the chill that was in SFO. Hahaha. I cannot not laugh before I type this. Coz the next year there were two bouquets of flowers from two different sources. So in one way or the other I have had some very memorable V-day moments. I think I might just have a unique one this year too. I hope my brownies bake well.
This year there is suddenly such an uproar. I am very happy and content. Atleast people are waking up. If there are people who are willing to decide for us, then there are also people who are willing to decide things for them. I like the idea of the Panther Party in Delhi. Pepper sprays and Judo Karate specialists to round the streets. But I really cannot fathom the idea of the Pink Chaddi Campaign. I am surely with them, however unrealistic they might be, as far as they are fighting the cause. But I dont just get it. Why? Whats the point? But hey...lots think it might help. So it might just. Wouldnt cost me too much. Just some for the cheap PINK chaddis.
www.thepinkchaddicampaign.blogspot.com
I am suddenly in a lull in my life. I really have NOTHING to do. Infact, I CANNOT do anything. I am not allowed to. So, I am talkin to people. On phone, online and whichever way possible. I suddenly like people. I have yet again started to like to socialise. But the sad part is I look like such a mouse right now that it is not really the right time for me to go in the direction that I am intending to. Sigh!! I now understand what Aboli felt once upon a time when I used to give her sermons that I hate to receive myself now. I suddenly am in love with everyone. And I like it. :)
Good night.
No, dont let your horses ride too far. I just got down with Chicken Pox. I'm doing fine now. Almost recovered. Thanks for asking. :)
So, its Valentine's day in a few days and I am gonna be home with Mom probably baking brownies. Thats the plan for Saturday! Not that I am complaining but I miss college days when there was more to Valentine's day than just the protest. My earliest memories take me to Junior College days when we ironically celebrated Traditional Day on 14th Feb. I remember I wore a plain pink chiffon saree. Though I hate the colour, I loved the saree. We were soon shooed out of the college as sainiks - the then guardian of the Indian culture and now the pioneers of this movement - were coming. We went to an empty house of a friend in a nearby posh locality and had the most fun. Ofcourse still in the pink saree. Then came the Rose day that we celebrated on Valentine's day in SE as a part of Addiction - our college festival. I am so proud of the way we had organised the event.It was a hit. There was so much enthusiam then for V-day celebrations. Then there was the legendary Mirchi Cola dinner and the leather pen stand the following year. And in the last year of college it was the unforgettable dinner at Le Dolce Vita with the Champaign, thermocol hearts and a lot of nervousness/excitement. It was magical. The worst evening ever turning into the most memorable one I might ever have. And there were Tulips the following year in the chill that was in SFO. Hahaha. I cannot not laugh before I type this. Coz the next year there were two bouquets of flowers from two different sources. So in one way or the other I have had some very memorable V-day moments. I think I might just have a unique one this year too. I hope my brownies bake well.
This year there is suddenly such an uproar. I am very happy and content. Atleast people are waking up. If there are people who are willing to decide for us, then there are also people who are willing to decide things for them. I like the idea of the Panther Party in Delhi. Pepper sprays and Judo Karate specialists to round the streets. But I really cannot fathom the idea of the Pink Chaddi Campaign. I am surely with them, however unrealistic they might be, as far as they are fighting the cause. But I dont just get it. Why? Whats the point? But hey...lots think it might help. So it might just. Wouldnt cost me too much. Just some for the cheap PINK chaddis.
www.thepinkchaddicampaign.blogspot.com
I am suddenly in a lull in my life. I really have NOTHING to do. Infact, I CANNOT do anything. I am not allowed to. So, I am talkin to people. On phone, online and whichever way possible. I suddenly like people. I have yet again started to like to socialise. But the sad part is I look like such a mouse right now that it is not really the right time for me to go in the direction that I am intending to. Sigh!! I now understand what Aboli felt once upon a time when I used to give her sermons that I hate to receive myself now. I suddenly am in love with everyone. And I like it. :)
Good night.
Friday, December 12, 2008
The Long and Winding Road
...and I have played with bubbles for a long time... just that they dont last too long...!!
Never thought I'd see light at the end of the tunnel. But then faith is what that keeps you going. Faith faltered me. There is in fact no light at the end of the tunnel. But then I liked the journey. It was worth the experience.
And I love that song. Haven't heard it in a while. Guess some are made for just the right time.. like NOW.
Gnite.
Never thought I'd see light at the end of the tunnel. But then faith is what that keeps you going. Faith faltered me. There is in fact no light at the end of the tunnel. But then I liked the journey. It was worth the experience.
And I love that song. Haven't heard it in a while. Guess some are made for just the right time.. like NOW.
Gnite.