..that link..

V says a link is missing... strangely enough.. so is mine.. !

Everything is in the best place that it could be for me as of now, but there is still something missing. And like most things I cannot put my finger on this one either. New job, new apartment (the most beautiful that I have ever lived in), new found freedom and the sudden responsibility of being all grown up, the pleasure of having Mom with me, and he seems at his best in the last one year... but then why is there something missing ..?

I guess I always have preferred to keep the old things/people/places. I try and hold onto them for as long as I can. This particularly happens with people too. I fail to see the good in the new. No wonder I held onto him for this long.

And on a totally unrelated note...this song has been playing in my head since last night.. !!
For that magic moment that I await.. and so does he.. !

My today's facebook status:-
"When time is never ready to wait for us, then Why should we always wait for the right time??" No time is wrong to do the right thing...

I hate you (like I love you)

Another one of my best friends is getting married. People I was so close to, people I worked with, people I shared my innermost feelings with, people who are my friends and who love me, people whose lives were just like mine... they are all getting married. It feels weird.

She sounded just normal as if nothing extraordinary had happened. This was ought to happen, she says. They were in love. They wanted to get married. It wasnt thought or talked about. It just was the next step. They were in love. :)

She called me yesterday and said, "my wedding date is fixed. Its 17th Feb."

************************************************************************************

She called again and they talked. ..... .... and the cycle continues. The never ending, vicious, heart breaking, tiring cycle still continues. Powered by determination, or lack of self esteem, or worse still, the need to regain her self esteem, she continues to disrupt my life. And he watches like a silent observer. He says he is a helper. God sent! Son of God to help the needy and the poor and the desperates!!! Respect!!

God helps those who help themselves.
And, One who cannot help himself cannot help anyone!

************************************************************************************

Two such contrasting emotions in a single day, but all so true.

C'est la vie !!!

Pune Talkies

Was scheduled on 7th June but due to lack of time could not post it. So here it is! A tribute much due to the city that is so close to my heart!

I wrote to a friend of mine, "Pune was just superb. It was a little bit different for me this time. I felt different. Lots of good feelings which is always nice but I felt all grown up and mature in a city which has helped me grow. Seeing my best friends all settled and in some satisfying relationships was overwhelming for me. I wish them all the luck.

The city helps me fall in love with myself.

Also, I met R."

This is the gist of my visit to Pune this year. Unlike my other visits I had time to myself this time. The city talked to me. It was like the old tattered 70 mm reel playing in front of me. So beautiful it was.

I also got the opportunity to show the city to a dear friend of mine through my eyes. Although I must have missed the generic good parts of Pune but I did show him places and things that were closest to me, that made ME. And he was the best friend that he could be to appreciate everything and understand the meaning behind each. Thanks! I love you for sharing my happiness and my nostalgia. It can get quite boring at times, I know.

Love was in the air. There were married couples, there were couples trying to get married, there were couples trying to understand if they want to get married, and there were few other singles trying to find love...just like me. It was an exhilarating experience. But it all made me so happy. There was this light chillness in the air and everything was so positive and easy. And I smiled. :)

He had changed but he was still the same. I was right! Its such an amazing feeling when you speak for the other person coz you think you know and then you realize that you are indeed right. Its a feeling of accomplishment. You avoid sounding foolish to yourself. He always took care of that..I never felt foolish with him around. :) My onion peel theory. His core was just the way I had left it. Rather, I could still see the carvings that I had made.

On another note, I realized how easy it is for people to fall in love with me. Although the most complicated and coiled up person, I bring to people what they are looking for, I guess. It was fulfilling. I am never this modest. But the feeling was so strong that I am not ashamed to bring it out. I didnt know what to do. People were falling in love with me left, right, and center. I wasnt sure if I was. Although I wished I did. Their eyes spoke to me. I saw it. I wanted to fly with them, I wanted to become weightless and soar high into the air. Just half a day, just a few hours, just one drink... time was plenty.


Phew! Quarter life crisis as they say. I want to break free! Did I really just write this post??

Bon Iver

Although I have felt it, I still fail to see it. He is not the best looking, rather is actually quite on the bad side.. he is not the smartest I know, rather sounds quite unintelligent at times.. he is also old, not that there is anything wrong with that but compared to me he is quite old. Despite all this there is this innate quality in him that women get attracted to him like the cliched old saying of honey bees getting attracted to nectar. They are young, intelligent, sassy, smart, and extremely beautiful women. Clearly they arent bimbos who fall for a guy praising her hair or her lips. These are independent, extremely educated, and smart women. There is something about this guy which I cannot put my finger on. The fact that he is an awesome kisser, or the fact that he makes them feel like they are the one that his life revolves around, or the fact that he is an outdoor person contrasted with a very subtle and sensitive taste in music. What is it?? He has the most tattered car that can be found in the neighborhood, he dons the most disgusting pair of jeans and shirt (I guess those from a generation before mine..haha), he has a pot belly; a huge one at that. Then what makes him the man who is able to get any women he wants, rather the most respectable women in town. Respect!

He has a very cute, smart, and 10 year younger gf. I hope they last. He deserves it. All the very best.

Sharaab

"nasha sharaab mein hota toh naachti botal..."

- As was once reiterated by a friend of mine... good times :) A line to think upon.

The Light's plight

With every passing hour life changes. I feel each moment gushing past me and I still cannot do much.. I still let it go.. I fail to squeeze what it has to offer. And so today I have stopped trying. I am not competing with it anymore. I am not trying to make it perfect! Coz there is no perfect. If the moment is yours it will touch you with warmth and caress you and make you live in it for a century else it will run away making way for the next moment.

Its not settled yet. I doubt if it ever will be settled. "Yes" and "No" are my strengths and weaknesses. It doesnt come easily to everyone. I will always be scared.. always unsettled. Future was never so apprehensive as it is now. Should I be excited or nervous?

I cant take those memories away and I know I cannot make better ones now. How will this survive? I have so much to say. Who do I say it to? I cant preach anymore, I cant bitch anymore, I cant be sad anymore, I cant cry anymore.... cmon, I cant be a doll anymore!! Bottling up is not my characteristic. Id rather speak as it comes. But who do I say it to?

There is need but no interest. Which is bigger and mightier? A poll.

Its read, but never spoken about. Why?

It is going to be ordinary and very standard. Lets face it. And even that is a struggle.

L'chaim!!!