Interference

Facebook's smart "People you may know" feature is also pulling a sarcasm at me. Wants me to befriend the person who disrupted the better years of my life. Its not that smart afterall. :)

Switching places

Where is the calm? With so much happening around me and so little happening inside of me, there is this state of unrest that I have become accustomed to. I have literally lost my senses. I cant smell the rain, and neither can I feel the warmth of the sun. There is this sadness that hovers over me. Is this 27?

Life has drifted away in the last 5 hours. At 22 it seemed to be in control. Nothing was planned but it still was so crisp. There were dreams and hopes and willingness to take control. Its so without hopes now. I have crushed everything I ever wanted to be. I have given in to the regular. I feel so distressed. Its lonely in here...this side of the world..this side of the life.

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I dont believe in signs but when in one same night.. you see an episode of friends where the purple house is getting packed up coz they are moving out and everyone now has a life to live and they are all moving on in life... and on the other hand you see Forrest Gump stopping his run coz he has left his past behind and is moving on... gives you a sense if you are forcing yourself to not understand.. to not get it yet.. !!

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I am planning a wine night with my girlfriends in a bar filled with rich dudes.. should be fun. Im giving in.

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He and I share a very soothing relationship. I didnt think I would say this a year back.. but we have grown out of it and Im glad we did. He gets me and makes me feel better. We share in our own special way. But we complain like everyone else. We are there for each other always yet not there. I wish him all the love and luck in life. He has made a great stride and will continue to do so and I know one day will make me super proud..

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Its feels amazing when people acknowledge your presence and give you that respect. When you feel you have earned it, you have won them over. Little rewards of my workplace. I am falling in love with them. They like me. :) I know they do.

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So I got a rishta.. Of course Im turning 27 this year! Now its not such a unheard thing. Perfect guy but he is my height and Im SHORT!! Hehe.. I have always been with tall guys. Not regular height, but tall. Out of habit cant take this one. I should be the last one making an issue out of this. Makes me laugh out loud!

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I love Java chip frappucino. I am addicted to it. Yes I am. Guilty!

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So Yes. I miss myself at 22. Well then, I missed myself at 18. Its the circle of life. And you know what I finally have regrets. The great Miss Principles has finally left sight of each and every of her principles. No wonder I feel so lost. I have become a suffering to my own self. I saw myself a certain way and I dont see myself at all now.

Over and Out.

A double century.

Who will sustain?

Seventeen

And I want to be seventeen again. The innocence with which I loved, the affection with which I fought and the simplicity with which I explained. Was it me or was it him. He made me a better person. I learnt his language and understood his gestures. He either smelt or felt my presence. He was easy that way. But he was a bad teacher. He taught, but didnt teach all. He didnt teach me to adapt. He didnt tell me that world becomes as you grow and you become as the world grows. Im lost. I dont smell him but I feel him.. all around. My friend, my teacher, my guru, my lover, my all... Me.

And now after that drunken dream, I only smile and drop just .. just about one tear.

Love,
Me.

Competition

The comparison will never end.. not in my mind.

A new picture brings new complications. Even physical labor for 12 hours couldnt spoil my evening as this did.

Post Mortem

And I just realized something. And why.. now? Well, there is no directing the mind. It takes a stroll when it wants to.

It wasnt the person...but it was the acknowledgement!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT... Thats all. Thats the answer.

Create

To hell with everyone else. From here on I live for myself.. like I always have!

Happy Badday to me.. !