The X-Man

I am extremely extremely happy today as I write this. A good friend once told me to write here only when Im happy and to leave all the melancholy for the diaries. And so is the case today.

There comes a time when one is at peace with oneself. When one realizes that they have gone through a full circle and find themselves in the same spot that they were in as young passionate kids but after a whole lot of gyan and wisdom. No, Im not there yet. But something tells me, it sure is going to be a great journey starting just about now.

Happy realizations is what I call it. A curtain lifter, clear of smoke, splendidly wrapped comes a pristine realization of "screw you". I am certain this is something everyone must have felt at some point in their lives for someone or for somethings. Its strange though with all the damned conversations that have happened, it took the visual of someone else realizing it for me to convince me. The candid desperation is written all over it. The respect for the past is a misnomer. It is merely a story for all the jokes and laughs...even if it just brings a gaze or a chuckle, its a story well used. Living in today's hard core capitalist world where the rich are very rich and poor are very poor, if you know what I mean.

I have many theories of my own. They make sense in my head and help me figure things out. One such is the onion peel theory. I will certainly not go into the detail of it here. But that core of innocence..sweet, gentle touch..honest smile and a very giving heart still holds true. I see glimpses of it and its beautiful. I hope the theory bears some truth.

There is so much to do and learn and such little time. I need to start with switching my job. I love my company and everything that comes with it. I doubt I will ever find a job that fits my strengths so well, but there is a need to explore a little bit more before I turn too old and being young isnt an excuse anymore..

For the reference above about the rich and the poor, check out this video. Nothing really new, but a really cool way of drilling information into my slow head that understands visuals better.

Musings

I thought I should wait an exact year before I wrote my next post, but then I thought it will be very tacky and really no one cares about it.

I have been thinking of moving back to India. But many people are talking me out of it. They say Im forgetting the “little things” that will berate my move to India. And who knows better than me about the “little things” in life. Its true. But I do miss India. I miss the smell. I also recently learnt through an article that it’s the smell that drives sex. If you like the smell of your partner its only then that things get real and raunchy. I don’t believe I just used that word – raunchy! So far I haven’t had a lot of luck with the smells I like in terms of the guys I meet or the places I live in.

I loved my little rooms that I lived in either it be my college hostel or the PG accommodation in Bangalore. They all had a flair. A little something of their own. They weren’t grand but they were real. That huge window in one overseeing the yellow flowers and the grey construction and the small window in the other allowing the rain to freely enter into my room along with its refreshing smell and breeze overseeing the terrace and the NGV park where boys waiting to become men played soccer in the mud.

I like my place now too. Its big with floor to ceiling windows, a great view et al. But it just lacks the smell of the fresh flowers or the fresh air. But well, it oversees the room windows and the pool of the hotel next door and trust me I have seen some people that really like each other’s smell in there.

I have a friend. He is moving back to India. Lucky bastard. He is scared. But I know he will do just fine.

I think I am becoming a workaholic. Yikes!!! Eeeu. A workaholic! Even when I don’t really have to work, I find work to do and tell myself that I need to in order to do justice to my job. But that’s not true. Im fooling myself. I know well enough how to get out of a task I don’t really want to do. No one can make me do stuff except for me, myself!.

I think Im going to read and write more. Afterall I have gotten myself reading glasses. Need to put them to some good use. No, I really cant see. The ultimate year and the penultimate truth.

re:introduction

Hi.

My name is G. 

And Im loving it. :)

its the walks and the talks..
the wines and the dines..
the rain and of course the pain..
but its good. its all good.
green finally looks like green and the wisdom is chasing after me.
who would have thought that a summer followed by a fall could lead to spring..
the lights and the flights..
the routes and the doubts..
the dogs and their barks..
and the sun... oh the sun.. with its gleaming ray..
Im happy to meet you once again.
a home so beautiful..so own..
a sense of pride and accomplishment it hones.
true beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
its time..its time for it to beheld.

Too much or too little

It's amazing when your friends start speaking for you. Its amazing when you discover that they might just know you better than you know yourself. It's a scary feeling. But this is a bell curve with their confidence on the x-axis and the correctness of the truth on the y. As their confidence increases in their ability to predict your reactions, at some point in the bell curve which is after the peak they start stating things that are so not true. But their confidence is at an all time high and they vouch to know you better than you know yourself when you argue with them about the truth.

I had a friend who hated it when her friends said, "oh I know you! I know why you said that or did that." it could be that she was just hiding the truth and didnt want to accept it or it could also be that her friends had crosse the peak of the bell curve. The scary thing about this situation is tht neither you not your friends know when the peak is crossed. It gets out with time and the more time it takes to get out in the open the more risky your reputation gets with all those comments your friends have already made.

Humph!! I wish there was an easy way out.

It's heart wrenching to see your friend argue and fight with you to keep the sanctity of his statements especially when he is at the lower right corner of the bell curve. His confidence is still high and all that time that lapse between the peak and the lower corer has not been enough for him to see that he is losing ground. By then you have known of course coz ud be hating urself already if not. He struggles to be your friend by telling all these awful things about you that aren't you. Btw: they are awful not coz he is being mean but they come out to be awful coz it's not you.

On a side note, it's so good to not hate. It's such a great feeling to forgive and let go.

Im smitten! Its been so long that I have felt this way. :)

But the world doesnt seem a better place. This feeling is scary as hell at this point in time.. in this circumstance. 

Cool quotient

I realized I dont have an opinion anymore.. Is that really sad?
psst.. Am I going to be a boring 30 year old in the near future? I wanted to be cool. Is it un-cool to not have opinions?

A child's play

I thought I didnt like kids.. But I have been babysitting for 10 years now!!