Snake-like

Its that time of the year when the snake sheds it skin only to get another fresh layer over it.. and repeat!

There isnt a phenomenon as sublime and personal as this one both literally and figuratively.

Amen.

Third World Citizens

The stark difference in treatment of human life is easily noticeable as one traverses from the West to the East. People are more accepting of insults, of lesser convenience, and of ways of life that don’t even make sense.

As I disembark the hugely courteous Emirates airlines in Dubai from US I am a satisfied customer. The airhostesses are the best in quality, the food and drinks are above standard, and the smiles..oh smiles. There are travelators even when walking makes more sense but they are there as they give a sense of service. The deep service and satisfaction that every traveler is entitled to... as I came to believe.

Apparently on the other side of the world... as I had clearly forgotten... thats not the norm. You are an Indian.. a third world citizen.. and you will take what we give you and make it work. I commend us for the innate ability that we have developed during our growing years to accept and adapt. We excel in the world we live coz of exactly this. However we leave behind a lot more we can achieve by not demanding more... by not allowing ourselves to ask for more to align with what we deserve.. by not agreeing that we deserve more.

I used to think that the source of all problems for us is population. Its difficult to sustain anything given the sheer number of people. At some point the patience runs out. But now after giving myself a 7 year break I realize its not just the population ..that adds to the problems for sure.. but thats not the problem. The system is indeed the problem. Why do we have to travel for 15 mins in a bus on disembarking the airport. Real Estate problem? Ok agreed. Why do we have to have 5 different security checks before boarding the plane? Why do we need an OTP for EVERYTHING. When majority (upwards of 60%) of the urban metro population is transient then why an address proof in the form of Aadhar card is required for everything. And if it is then why changing address on Aadhar card not an online solution or an easy solution without standing in line for 4 hours. 

Im only venting on the above. Im sure it will take me less than a month to get used to all of the above. But it was important for me to note it down as I continue to live life in the coming months and years and be able to compare the innate sense of adjustment that is built in a normal middle class Indian life.

...but not guilt..

Despair, helplessness, anger, humiliation, betrayal. But not guilt.

Not guilt: Sometimes you get the strength to stand by yourself. Sometimes someone has to have your back and sometimes its only you that you can trust and fall back on. Faith. In such tumultuous times that's what keeps people going. Thats why people believe in religions. Everyone wants answers even though they are not logical or even believable.

Helplessness: Hate is hurtful. I have hated a lot of things but never hated people. I couldnt. It was too rude to do so even for me. Everyone has their reasons and everyone is in the wrong including me so how could I hate. Is that not good enough. Why is there punishment even for good people. I guess then that that is not good enough. What am I paying for? I thought I already paid my dues. What are my beliefs?

Despair, humiliation: 32 years, you know. Thats a lot of time. Whats the status? A rolling stone gains no moss. That was supposed to be a good thing right? But does it gain anything at all? Is it supposed to? What is a life's journey supposed to gain? ...people, relationships, knowledge, legacy, making world a better place (but how)..... What gives?? I have lost all people and all relationships except the ones that came with birth. Is it over then? Am I done? Is the circle of life done with?

Anger, betrayal: Shame on those that cant see fault of their own. They have a lot of life to live and learn. Losing the person who gave you birth doesnt give you enough perspective I suppose as I had earlier assumed, wrongly so. They are prolly more disillusioned and dumb for the lack of better word and they continue to get fooled.... since being ignorant is the only choice they truly have. Good luck fellow human being. I hope you crumble and die (metaphorically so..).

Slow Fart

What will it take for me to stop meeting dumb guys??

For the longest time I have believed or rather been forced to believe by my own mother and my own self-conscience that I must have my head far up my own ass to think that all men I meet are dumb, un-witty, or rather slow. But God forgive me I have given these dumb motherfu*****s enough chances to prove their mettle but they dont stand. Oblivious of the nuances of life and the realities thereof they are so unaware.. its flabbergasting. I am not the smartest kid on the block nor am I a beauty queen. I have no right whatsoever to condemn anyone. And I know how wrong and biased this perspective of mine is. But oh my good lord.. I cannot stand this frivolousness anymore! You can only tolerate stupidity for so long. They sleep like a baby unaware of how much stink their shit has caused not allowing me to sleep. Everything doesnt become ok in the morning!! Its just morning.. its not re-birth. My brain cells havent died to get new life in them in the 'morning' you dimwit! Everything in the world is not "ok". Just coz your tiny little loser of a brain doesnt get it doesnt mean its ok. Its not!! When you dont know something dont argue. Take it for a given that I know life better than you do. Just take it for what its worth. Coz I cannot control myself when I get a chance to say "I told you so"!! And thats almost always! How wrong can you be? And how wrong can you be over and over again not listening to me about things you have no clue about! That dick of a male ego. If only it was ever right. Its not like I dont make mistakes. I do and when I do I make myself sound like a baby and say sorry a gazillion times. But if that only happens rarely dont try to match it. You say sorry for as many times as your sad brain stopped giving you company! And when you do say sorry atleast have the courtesy to self-reflect asshole. Coz I will literally shoot you to honor your slow head for allowing you to do the same thing over and over again. Dont sit in the balcony clicking pictures and posting on instagram while telling me that you were sad and regretful! Im on your instagram.. you know that right or you couldnt even fathom something that simple. And do you feel? You know emotions and shit... coz thats how one determines and solves for all these big questions around life and death, euthanasia, abortion, etc. Do you feel anything asshole?

Aaarghhh... 

done ranting. 

Dr. Strangelove

Today's learnings:

- Strange how two posts one after the other reference the same person and perception but in totally differently light.

- Men will always be boys.

- How one meeting can change so much in your life. One interview, one date, one phone call, one conversation and your life changes from what it could have been. Sometimes its a life changing turn, sometimes its just a different outcome to the evening. Both still good. :)

- One bad thing always and always leads to another good thing. Have faith.

- Seattle o Seattle. It squirms. Networking - Thumbs up. Dating - Thumbs down.

- Oh.. and strange people like strange movies. I guess thats the road to coolness. Hehe.

- On a different note, I saw Jeff B. No No. Didnt talk to him, didnt shake his hands, just saw him. Pretty cool still. He is leaner than what I thought he would be.

- We made a Guinness World Record of maximum kazoos in a room. What I learnt? that Kazoo is crazzzzy...

- I love the baby that just walked past me. I can bite her pink cheeks out.

- Beautiful mornings can do so much good to you.

What I havent learnt:

- Answer to Are men dumb?

- What does a man want?

- Why pay for Mix Master Mike when you dont get to hear him play for more than 10 mins?

- Why did I order a Double Chocolate muffin over a less chocolaty scone.. !!!?!!

- Why do people make queues to board the plane? They are not going to get a better seat or get in any faster?

- Why did I not get a call? I expected more. I respected more.

Deep sigh! A Smile! All is well!

Pune Talkies

Was scheduled on 7th June but due to lack of time could not post it. So here it is! A tribute much due to the city that is so close to my heart!

I wrote to a friend of mine, "Pune was just superb. It was a little bit different for me this time. I felt different. Lots of good feelings which is always nice but I felt all grown up and mature in a city which has helped me grow. Seeing my best friends all settled and in some satisfying relationships was overwhelming for me. I wish them all the luck.

The city helps me fall in love with myself.

Also, I met R."

This is the gist of my visit to Pune this year. Unlike my other visits I had time to myself this time. The city talked to me. It was like the old tattered 70 mm reel playing in front of me. So beautiful it was.

I also got the opportunity to show the city to a dear friend of mine through my eyes. Although I must have missed the generic good parts of Pune but I did show him places and things that were closest to me, that made ME. And he was the best friend that he could be to appreciate everything and understand the meaning behind each. Thanks! I love you for sharing my happiness and my nostalgia. It can get quite boring at times, I know.

Love was in the air. There were married couples, there were couples trying to get married, there were couples trying to understand if they want to get married, and there were few other singles trying to find love...just like me. It was an exhilarating experience. But it all made me so happy. There was this light chillness in the air and everything was so positive and easy. And I smiled. :)

He had changed but he was still the same. I was right! Its such an amazing feeling when you speak for the other person coz you think you know and then you realize that you are indeed right. Its a feeling of accomplishment. You avoid sounding foolish to yourself. He always took care of that..I never felt foolish with him around. :) My onion peel theory. His core was just the way I had left it. Rather, I could still see the carvings that I had made.

On another note, I realized how easy it is for people to fall in love with me. Although the most complicated and coiled up person, I bring to people what they are looking for, I guess. It was fulfilling. I am never this modest. But the feeling was so strong that I am not ashamed to bring it out. I didnt know what to do. People were falling in love with me left, right, and center. I wasnt sure if I was. Although I wished I did. Their eyes spoke to me. I saw it. I wanted to fly with them, I wanted to become weightless and soar high into the air. Just half a day, just a few hours, just one drink... time was plenty.


Phew! Quarter life crisis as they say. I want to break free! Did I really just write this post??

Lovely Mausam

So its been so beautiful these days at Tempe that I have formulated and tested a theory on myself. The theory states: Probability of Lovely mausam has a positive correlation with decline in work efficiency.

And this might be true for a lot of people, but the correlation value is really high in my case.

Current Status - Enthralled by the smell of rain

Itrr aur Sugandh

I know now why I am so pleased, pleasant, and relaxed today. Coz I have three different very awesome perfumes on me.* One must never disregard the power of good smell..a beautiful fragrance. It can kill many and take over an empire..(I am sure the history has one such story out of its so many..!!). That said, I truly just realized - it was like an epiphany - that it was the smell that calmed me and helped me relax and love whats around.
Damn, I didnt intend to sound like this. But come to think of it, a walk seems so much more satisfactory if you can smell raat ki raani. Reminds me of my walks in the dark of the Koregaon Park roads... shhhhhh.. I never said anything.. :)

Adios!

Current Status - Smelly Cat.. Smelly Cat..

*Mom has ordered a few for me to get those to her in Dec..when I go HOME.. :D

Year

Its been exactly one year since the time I stepped into US for my graduation. Time flies. I cant think of any other span of twelve months where I had grown so much. I have grown on a personal and a professional front immensely. I didnt know of so many of my capabilities until now. Its just great to discover and then re-discover yourself over and over again. Just astounding! And at the same time, it sucks to see yourself fall flat on the ground with same problems over and over again!

Its been a year and one week that I have been away from home. I never feel homesick. The last time I did was probably first semester during engineering! That was my first time away from home and that was way long back. Currently I wouldnt call myself homesick, but there is this hollow feeling inside of me and I want to be home, be in my country, among my people. There is nothing like home and I talk of India when I say home. I miss the butt grazing, cotton kurtis, barista, bollywood music, and all that. Cant wait for Dec to come to dance in Munira's wedding!!

I have many more years to go and I intend to stay here for years to come. Past is always missed and should be thought of with fondness but one must move towards future with values learnt from the past. I love my country and my people but right now this is the best thing for me to evolve. Like I said, I havent grown and learnt as much as I have in the last one year ever before. And there is lot more to come.

Current Status - hopeful.

Sunrise

How beautiful can my morning get... to be woken up to this song.. :)

(And to somebody's baritone voice)

Good morning Life.. !! I am smiling at you..

Current Status - Living life.. and loving it..

Sailor's Swallow

I have come a long way since last December. The ups and downs that I have seen are aplenty. B-school, a new country, different people, different standard of living, different priorities et al have all thrown me off the edge and taken me a lot of time to understand. I had questioned my learning graph. B-school kept me so busy that my interest in politics was dying, my ability to be aware of the world around me was dying. All I found myself being entangled in was the politics and nuances of a small community of the b-school. I always wanted to know and experience a US high school feeling and I guess with a bunch of 'popular girls' and a bunch of 'cool guys' and a certain set of 'supporter idiots' all existing in my b-school I got that experience first hand. And I dont want to rule out the possibility that I might have been a part of this high school drama at some point too. You know its so strong a thrust that you just get sucked into it without knowing. And by being so closely involved in all this, I felt that I was losing out on all the good learning. Business learning also seemed to stop after the first trimester and didnt keep me as involved as I thought it should. But now that the summer is here, its doing a very good job helping me recuperate. I still havent had time to breathe, but its still my time!

As I look back to the last nine months that I have spend here in US, I realize that I have learnt so much. I have experienced life first hand. I feel blessed to have lived a life the way I just did. How many get the opportunity to visit countries and cities and meet people and live life completely unfazed all by oneself. I cant bring myself to describe how grateful I am to the freedom that I am enjoying. I am living a life that I want to and I call my shots. Totally unfazed by anything that is binding. Its scary sometimes. We all like some restrictions and as a result create some for our own selves. But currently I have managed to fight that natural instinct and live life that I have designed. And I am loving it. But somewhere I know, this will not last. I will not let it last.

Current Status - Loving the smell of freedom

Nocare..

..Connecting people, but with a disconnect!

Referral

I feel loss of words today as I write this post. My mind is a 'mela' of all sorts of thoughts right now but I cannot bring myself to comprehend what each one of them is indicating and getting at and how can I organize them all. For an overtly organized person, this gives nightmares. These are the times that I dread.

I have been observing people a bit too much lately. Its amazing that how beyond the cultural barrier, everyone has the same way of thinking and delivering. And I was quite amused by it too. But come what may, I have come to realize that culture plays such a big role in a person's upbringing. Underneath everyone is still the same, but the layers that cover them coz of the culture and their upbringing brings about a massive change in people and its not easy to penetrate through.

Americans amuse me with the variety of people they exhibit. But then again, I guess so are Indians (and I say that coz I find it very difficult to explain to Americans how Indians are not just one kind and how not everyone in India touches everyone's feet). A friend of mine, J, constantly believes that every other girl who take an initiative to talk to him even once likes him. He calls this giving himself the 'benefit of doubt'. But how right is that? He looks deep into this girl's eyes, has the gut-smile* on this face, and kisses her forehead and then her cheek. And he clearly has a boner as he shows his affection for this girl. In conversations later, when this comes up he lives in denial and assumes the girl to take the responsibility for not pushing him away! Which girl pushes a guy away who shows such affection on her. .. errrrm he says American girls.. Haah..!! This blew me away. Is it really culture. Just coz that girl was Argentinian and she is more sensitive to other people's needs, she has to take responsibility for his boner.. ! Well I am sure, she is partly responsible. ;). I think all this is pretty immature for a 30 year old man.

And then there is another American friend that I have. He has one of the most atypical history an American guy can have. The way its depicted in movies. (I like I like). But he claims he is far away from there now and has grown out of the nuances of his life (he is well experienced that way..). But he likes it simple!!! Never talks openly about his past. Mystery hovers around him all the time.. and then he asks for things being simple and easy! Hypocrites - most Americans. I know every guy likes the chase better than the commitment. But even if there is no commitment, its difficult to have these American guys tied down the way our poor Indians guys mostly are.

But then there are exceptions. Or should I say the 'other kind'. Going strong for a number of years. Have'nt seen a couple so much in love before. When I look at them, it gives me jitters. I have never liked or loved anyone so much. Am I missing something?

And then there is another friend that I have, W. An overtly ethical kinds. The ones who would look down upon you if you did an individual project in a group! And might even consider complaining. Did I ever mention that Americans have this nasty habit of complaining. They are complaining all the time. Mostly about people around them. Its surprising how guys gossip here and that just increases my respect for my friends back home.

I guess I need to stop observing less and concentrate more on my Managerial Accounting exam that I have day after.

Current status - Disinterested/Confused

*gut-smile - A term that I coined which only I understand -- its the kind of smile that is most genuine, most intense and believable and it mostly is smiled when the guy is expressing his deep passion for his woman.

Pretend

So.. a story..

There was this senior of mine from school. I dont remember by how many years was she senior to me, but I do remember she being my class prefect and also teaching us a dance to the tunes of 'Ra Ra Rasputin' for the Livingstone (green) house social.* She wasn't startlingly beautiful, but had very different features. She had a squared jaw, doesnt suit many but she carried it off pretty well. And her attitude was not liked by many. But I remember her telling me that she found me very beautiful, a beauty that was different and not clearly visible by many, and so I remember liking her more than anyone else.

Another thing that I remember about her was that she always wore that transparent nailpolish. I loved it. She had a sister, who was junior to me, and people from my batch kinda found her a retard and slow.**

So why am I mentioning her now? Well, recently I added her on facebook and if I remember right this was the second time that I sent her a friend request. And she ignored it! Haha. Now I am very sure that its not coz she doesnt remember me, coz she does. Coz I left her a personal msg which said things she'd know, but coz she is now married to my ex-good friend's elder brother!! How idiotic and narrow minded is that? I didnt kill her brother in-law man. There were misunderstandings and it just didnt work out. And not that I was his girlfriend. These are relationships and things can go wrong. I would understand if she was seeing him (my friend). But she is married to his elder bro!!

I just found it very stupid. Well, thats my perspective. Some people believe in showing their support for their friends and family members, by limiting their relationships with people who they have no direct problems with and who they knew much before the so-called problem persisted.

I wasnt pissed when she ignored the friend request, I was just sitting by my computer table and grinning in disgust. :)

* Socials: Wow.. its been a long long time that I thought about those. I had almost forgotten that those existed in our school :). How we juniors were always kept away from those and that made us get that same prom kinda feel.

** She had that weird boy cut at that time. But to my surprise, she has turned into a really beautiful girl today. And that teaches me a lesson to not have opinions about people you havent interacted with.

Stretchmarks

And the honeymoon period ends! I am sitting on the shitpot and writing this post.. Yeah yeah.. dont go euu and yikes..! Thats the only place in the entire house where I get some peace and am away from the realization that it has been hypnotized by a pink giant.

Aaah.. Happy one month to me! It was an awesome break and I couldnt have asked for a better one. Everything was perfect..everything was the way I wanted it to be..everything was on my terms and I didnt mind adjusting for the some. But now starts the diplomacy and the cold wars and the unknown acknowledgements of who gets the bigger piece of the pie.

Mom, I love you. Madhav, I love you. I wish I had more people to love. But the world isnt as easy as they make it for me. And I need to learn better. S square are great. I am close to loving them. But it stops right there.

Adios!

Pet Peeve

I cannot stand people who make 'a lot of noise' while they eat. And here I know this girl who I have to spend a lot of my time with, makes like a shit loads of noise while eating. Is she crazy? Is she dumb? Does she not understand what she is doing. I cant even come to tell how loud she is when she is eating. And to top it all, there is food in her hair, all around her plate on the table.. And there are guys who like that.. !! God save the world.. So much so for looking pretty and the giggle power.. !!

First Look

After a while even holidaying can get to you! Really! I have been making so many trips - small and big, for leisure and for work that I am finally looking for some worthwhile work to tell myself that I have a brain (which is losing the essence of being alive after relaxing so much). I am not doubting the amount of effort that goes into planning a trip, considering that I am a perfect planner rather too perfect that it takes away the fun of not being spontaneous (Well, I have had my share of spontaneous trips too - a 4 day trip planned over a coffee on my terrace the previous night), shopping insanely and making sure that all others formalities of entering a B school are met rightly and on time (even when you are cruising away to glory and spending nights watching strip shows). So its one helluva brain activity. But thats not what I mean. I mean propah work.

----So much so for long sentences... shows the kind of lull that I am talking about----

The most recent trip that I made was to Kolkatta and then to Bangkok from there. Both new to me. Im normally not so observant of places or things (mind you, I didnt mention people here) but these 2 cities had somethings very peculiar that even I noticed them. Just a few first impressions that I would like to not forget.

Kolkatta:

• The very first thing as I head out of the airport - the terribly SULTRY weather. I have experienced Bbay's weather and that of Delhi's but they were nowhere in competition with this one. It was Horrible.

• The roads - they had a weird make. They were tar for sure but had some hammered nails look making it appear like dots all over the road. I dont know what it was. If it wasnt for the heat which fried my brain cells, I would have tried to figure out.

• The tram's track running through most of the city and vehicles coolly moving over it. Very weird.

• The taxi drivers - They are fast and rash but in full control of their vehicle. Each one of them. And they dont like you telling them to slow down. Its their town and roads and they are aware of its every turn and pothole.

• The bong people - Not a big fan of the bongs but they seemed quite helpful.

• The bong look - sitting at a cafe by the roadside one can pin point each and every 'born and brought up in Kolkata' person. They are so typical.

• The colonial architecture of most of the buildings - beautiful, very beautiful indeed. Its amazing to see the way all this is restored with grace and still in use and not converted to mere museums.

• The hand rickshaw - I did sit in one and handed him a 50 buck note for a less than 50 metre travel. Out of guilt? But I wasnt really so against this.

• Overtly congested city - some parts extremely beautiful and green and some dont give you a single inch more than what is required for you to stand.

• The full Yellow Ambassador taxis - with leather/rexine upholstery that will stick to you the moment you sit on it considering the weather, no AC but obvious, well decorated with kaali ma pictures and phoolmala, smelling of not well scented dhoop and always playing some bhajan.

• The puchkas - This I discovered much later but they were really yummy. Just that the paani was not cold and I prefer it that way. I had 2 full plates standing at a make shift stall outside the Victorial Memorial Hall. One of my bong friend told me that that is a very 'Cal thing to do' and it indeed felt great.

• Flury's - Had heard so much about it. Well, I have been to better bakeries, For ex. the French Bakery in Pondicherry, but this one had its own charm. This also was on the agenda on the second day.

• City is very well connected - taxis, awesome bus service, trams, metros, rail, cycle rickshaws, hand rickshaws. It has almost all the possible trasport systems that there are available in India.

So all in all I consider that I had an awesome typical kalkatta experience. Only thing that really got to me was the heat! Now is definitely not the time to go to Calcutta.

Bangkok:

• First thing that caught my eye were the innumerable PINK cabs - Not only were they a shocking pink from the outside, but even the upholstery was a bright shade of pink.

• Language problem - I somehow manage to communicate with anybody who doesnt understand the languages that I know either through making gestures or just by some common words of English that anybody would know. But man.. these Thais, they are just impossible. You make any gesture and they act SO dumb..! And they dont know any English. Communication was quite a task.

• Extremely expensive commute - Metro, Sky rail, buses, taxis, even the famous Tuk Tuk -- All very expensive.

• They sing songs rather than just talk. Thats a known fact for mostly all South East Asian.

• There are definitely more girls there than boys. God knows what their gender ratio comes out to be.

• Shorts for girls is like a national uniform. Everybody is in shorts there. Its like a rule. But I didnt see much of plunging necklines. Mostly everybody wore regular t-shirts. More so coz they lacked what is to be shown while wearing such necklines.

• Indian girls are considered drop-dead gorgeous there (probably coz they have bigger eyes and boobs than the rest of them there).

• No body hair and that goes for girls as well as guys.

• Women mostly always have a layer of makeup on them.

• Shoes with high heels is another rule out there. Whether they are in the bus or selling peanuts on the roads or are heading for an expensive party, they are all in high heels. They can run, jump, twist, twirl and do all acrobatics in their heels. They are a pro and its a must learn from them. I tried and gave up and got back to my flip flops.

• Mankut (mangosteen) is an awesome fruit and I loved it.

• Their king is next to their God.

• That place is full of cats. So many of them there.

• Shopping is everywhere. Shopping is the second thing that Bangkok is known for.

• First being their sex industry. Its full of shows. Lots of them. Not really quite so interesting.

• Extremely patient and calm people until when it comes to eating their head with bargaining. But bargaining is a must there.

• Great hangouts for a mug/bottle of beer. Singha was strong.

• They are quick shoppers. It takes a Thai an average of 3 mins to pick up something from a shop as against the 20-25 mins that I spend deciding on one item. I can irritate an Indian so a Thai's irritation is valid, I guess.

• Everything out there is Pink. Now I know why Nokia/Samsung/Dell come out with Pink phones and Laptops. They have a huge market in places like these.

• Great respect for their elders. You will nearly always see an elderly figure on a wheelchair enjoying a swim or a game of pool with his/her children. They are never left alone.

• They have the cutest kids. Second best to those of Chinese.

So these are a few things that I noticed about this new place until I got down with fever. Bangkok is just a better version of Delhi. It isnt as great a city as Singapore. Singapore was heaven.

Now there is more to come in another fortnight. I wish it to be a better trip.

A Letter to a Friend

To You,

I derive happiness from small things in life. That being said, bigger things in life leave me spellbound and I dont know how to react. I start doubting their enormity. Something similar happened to me a couple of days back when I heard the news that I had been willing to hear for over 4 months now. I was successful at last. But I didnt know if I was happy. I was so well prepared for the worst that I had almost started living the alternate life. To give my reaction a direction, my only critic didnt seem happy either. I decided to not be overwhelmed. And I continued with my preset agenda for the night (which indeed got a push as a result of the sucessful news). I was with friend log, people who dont know me well and who I dont intend to make a part of my successes and failures, and so it was the perfect setting. I was far away from being reminded of anything that I didnt want to think of.

And in all this I forgot that there are people who care for me, people who are willing to be a part of my life, people who deserve to be a part of my life. Its their right and I am no one to decide. Not everything about your life is governed by you. Id say most of it is not. I want to say 'I am Sorry'. I am so so sorry. You have been more than a friend to me. I did say those nasty things about you being selfish et all...well.. I still stand by them ;) , but you still have given to me that which no one could - hope, faith and confidence. I am not those who forget and are long gone. You should know that about me by now. There is not one thing that I have forgotten - Tulips, Pure, Oh Man, Hint, Empire, Eggs etc etc. No one forgets. Priorities change, relationships dont.

It wasnt my success that got to me, but my inability to celebrate that did. I couldnt have done that without you. I have always complained and I didnt even realise when it became inevitable for me to move ahead without you. I am so glad you are there and would not lose you for anything in this world. I love you.

From
Me

3...

Today is the day that I thought I would never see. But more often than desired you are introduced to a new side of your own and you realise you are a bigger stranger to yourself than anyone else walking on the road. And to accustom yourself to this new something you redefine your principles, your fundas, your focus.. you redefine yourself...!! And what is right and what is wrong? And who decides that? You? And how do you what you have decided is right or wrong? Arrghh!! I have asked this a lot and I dont like to ask no more..coz I never get an answer.

This time it has stretched the longest. I am happy I could stand and fight. But how much longer?

And as is rightly said... 'Teen tigada, kaam bigada'... I am just sitting in anticipation for things to take their turn. Although I have played safe this time but sayings dont falter too often.

This day shall not be forgotten.

The Fling

..And all I needed was one large vodka..or may be two.

On a related note I love the song and the video below. That woman is soo very sexy.