Like Father Like Husband

Sometimes you are in a trance in life. You blame it on your busy schedule or that you have been getting less sleep or that you may have been sexually abused (that’s more trauma but I’ll explain more). In the context of this post trance is a feeling beyond one’s comprehension. Where the world seems to move without your control – well that it does every second – but in this case your nearest controllable targets are sort of playing hide and seek or rather a game of roulette where it seems like you are betting on chance. In short – when things are sort of (only sort of) out of your control. Your mind plays tricks and tells you that you could control it. You also create situations that may make you believe that you do in-fact control it. But no, you don’t. And that’s the truth. Take it or leave it.

Yes. Take it or leave it. You cant fix it, You cant work it. You can barely understand it. But you must make a decision.

 

I have never felt this out of control. And people who know me know that that’s a scary weird-ass thought. And the even funny bit is that its not another strong force that’s fighting me on it. It’s the subtleness of a little puppy or a new-born child (not like I would know either of those feelings.. but using public opinion for the same). Its how my Dad convinced my Mom to buy a 2 lakh computer in 1997. It was completely out of blue, most irrelevant, and audacious purchase. Its how he convinced my Mom to buy a 1 cr house in 2010. He believes in God or himself or just takes a leap of faith – whatever it is, he has a power over Mom like no other. But trust me if you see them together you will know The Boss. They say girls seek husbands like their father and boys seek wives like their mother. On this day of my father’s 60^th Bday, I submissively agree to believe that I would be blessed to have found a husband like him. And I think I am beginning to acknowledge this feeling of trance. :)

Unrest

Opposing emotions are such a bitch. 

One can love and the other can only allude. One can peep into the future and the other can only remember the past. One can be at peace and the other at disproportionate unrest… with one another. Just the cacophony of emotions is bewildering to me. How varied and rainbow like can life be. Matching wavelengths and frequencies is such a physics phenomenon that barely holds true to my life. Ugh. Chemistry and biology also isn’t aligned. And math was always a problem. Geography then?

Why such unrest? There are a myriad of explanations, but is it worth to dig further? Is that how things must pan out… by forcing an answer? To find that peaceful space in my gut is such a beautiful feeling.. I hope I have the pleasure to feel that way.. coz opposing emotions are such a bitch.

Fetish Feminism

Im surprised at the uproar Indra Nooyi's recently published article has caused. My facebook wall is full of updates from my fellow female workers. Today's feminist world has all kinds of views on that article. Why? Why do we pick apart every female oriented article. There was a similar situation when Lean In was released - a book by Sheryl Sandberg on Women, Work, and the Will to lead.

I have been in that situation when we (women who believe they are smart, independent, career focussed, pretty, a good guy worthy, etc) feel the need to defend themselves from all the traditions and atrocities barked upon women historically. But more recently after going through life, having a reasonably long career span, and being in the mid-management of a company with clear roads to be a part of the senior management in the near future, I could care less. There are barriers. There does and could exist a glass ceiling. But when you are not there experiencing it then SHUT UP. Why opine on things you can never be a part of or havent experienced. Its not politics. We have made it our job to criticize politics. Politicians are the ones meant to be in limelight. Women arent. They are just women. Why opine every time a woman speaks

But a guy friend recently pin pointed that we stereotype ourselves more than anyone else. I felt the urge to very cynically respond back to him and make a curt remark on his pointless opinion. But he was right. He is right. We, women, talk more about ourselves than any man probably has ever done.

A child's play

I thought I didnt like kids.. But I have been babysitting for 10 years now!!

Dr. Strangelove

Today's learnings:

- Strange how two posts one after the other reference the same person and perception but in totally differently light.

- Men will always be boys.

- How one meeting can change so much in your life. One interview, one date, one phone call, one conversation and your life changes from what it could have been. Sometimes its a life changing turn, sometimes its just a different outcome to the evening. Both still good. :)

- One bad thing always and always leads to another good thing. Have faith.

- Seattle o Seattle. It squirms. Networking - Thumbs up. Dating - Thumbs down.

- Oh.. and strange people like strange movies. I guess thats the road to coolness. Hehe.

- On a different note, I saw Jeff B. No No. Didnt talk to him, didnt shake his hands, just saw him. Pretty cool still. He is leaner than what I thought he would be.

- We made a Guinness World Record of maximum kazoos in a room. What I learnt? that Kazoo is crazzzzy...

- I love the baby that just walked past me. I can bite her pink cheeks out.

- Beautiful mornings can do so much good to you.

What I havent learnt:

- Answer to Are men dumb?

- What does a man want?

- Why pay for Mix Master Mike when you dont get to hear him play for more than 10 mins?

- Why did I order a Double Chocolate muffin over a less chocolaty scone.. !!!?!!

- Why do people make queues to board the plane? They are not going to get a better seat or get in any faster?

- Why did I not get a call? I expected more. I respected more.

Deep sigh! A Smile! All is well!

Switching places

Where is the calm? With so much happening around me and so little happening inside of me, there is this state of unrest that I have become accustomed to. I have literally lost my senses. I cant smell the rain, and neither can I feel the warmth of the sun. There is this sadness that hovers over me. Is this 27?

Life has drifted away in the last 5 hours. At 22 it seemed to be in control. Nothing was planned but it still was so crisp. There were dreams and hopes and willingness to take control. Its so without hopes now. I have crushed everything I ever wanted to be. I have given in to the regular. I feel so distressed. Its lonely in here...this side of the world..this side of the life.

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I dont believe in signs but when in one same night.. you see an episode of friends where the purple house is getting packed up coz they are moving out and everyone now has a life to live and they are all moving on in life... and on the other hand you see Forrest Gump stopping his run coz he has left his past behind and is moving on... gives you a sense if you are forcing yourself to not understand.. to not get it yet.. !!

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I am planning a wine night with my girlfriends in a bar filled with rich dudes.. should be fun. Im giving in.

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He and I share a very soothing relationship. I didnt think I would say this a year back.. but we have grown out of it and Im glad we did. He gets me and makes me feel better. We share in our own special way. But we complain like everyone else. We are there for each other always yet not there. I wish him all the love and luck in life. He has made a great stride and will continue to do so and I know one day will make me super proud..

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Its feels amazing when people acknowledge your presence and give you that respect. When you feel you have earned it, you have won them over. Little rewards of my workplace. I am falling in love with them. They like me. :) I know they do.

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So I got a rishta.. Of course Im turning 27 this year! Now its not such a unheard thing. Perfect guy but he is my height and Im SHORT!! Hehe.. I have always been with tall guys. Not regular height, but tall. Out of habit cant take this one. I should be the last one making an issue out of this. Makes me laugh out loud!

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I love Java chip frappucino. I am addicted to it. Yes I am. Guilty!

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So Yes. I miss myself at 22. Well then, I missed myself at 18. Its the circle of life. And you know what I finally have regrets. The great Miss Principles has finally left sight of each and every of her principles. No wonder I feel so lost. I have become a suffering to my own self. I saw myself a certain way and I dont see myself at all now.

Post Mortem

And I just realized something. And why.. now? Well, there is no directing the mind. It takes a stroll when it wants to.

It wasnt the person...but it was the acknowledgement!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT... Thats all. Thats the answer.

Bon Iver

Although I have felt it, I still fail to see it. He is not the best looking, rather is actually quite on the bad side.. he is not the smartest I know, rather sounds quite unintelligent at times.. he is also old, not that there is anything wrong with that but compared to me he is quite old. Despite all this there is this innate quality in him that women get attracted to him like the cliched old saying of honey bees getting attracted to nectar. They are young, intelligent, sassy, smart, and extremely beautiful women. Clearly they arent bimbos who fall for a guy praising her hair or her lips. These are independent, extremely educated, and smart women. There is something about this guy which I cannot put my finger on. The fact that he is an awesome kisser, or the fact that he makes them feel like they are the one that his life revolves around, or the fact that he is an outdoor person contrasted with a very subtle and sensitive taste in music. What is it?? He has the most tattered car that can be found in the neighborhood, he dons the most disgusting pair of jeans and shirt (I guess those from a generation before mine..haha), he has a pot belly; a huge one at that. Then what makes him the man who is able to get any women he wants, rather the most respectable women in town. Respect!

He has a very cute, smart, and 10 year younger gf. I hope they last. He deserves it. All the very best.