The Long and Winding Road

...and I have played with bubbles for a long time... just that they dont last too long...!!

Never thought I'd see light at the end of the tunnel. But then faith is what that keeps you going. Faith faltered me. There is in fact no light at the end of the tunnel. But then I liked the journey. It was worth the experience.

And I love that song. Haven't heard it in a while. Guess some are made for just the right time.. like NOW.



Gnite.

Standing Tall in Heels

I don't like the beginnings and I also don't like the endings. I am apprehensive about the beginnings and am sad about the endings. Can things not remain the way they are? And if they can, then for how long? We all know and agree that Change is inevitable. And how much ever I hate to agree, Change is necessary. Isn't it? It was this force that drove me out of Pune. I loved the city and still do but the routine and the people/things involved in that routine can get to you.

I like a fast paced life. Not because it keeps me put but because only then I get to experience the charm of an autumn evening sitting at the ledge of my terrace, listening to my ipod and watching the reflection of the setting sun on the park below. Coz in a fast paced life such times are rare and they are enjoyable coz they are rare. A person living in the countryside doesn't really appreciate it as much as a city person. I love the countryside. Have I ever mentioned that before?

My friend is in China. This is her first visit there. It makes me reminisce about my first trip abroad-to the US of A. I started this blog much later and never got to write about it and so never did. But probably I couldnt pen down what I felt. I could never do justice to that trip if I wrote. I am not such a good writer, you see. My flight over ther Pacific, the rocky seabed of San Francisco and the grand airport-nothing has yet fazed out and it has been two years!! That was the awesomest trip and the most memorable new years - ice skating at downtown SFO with the firecrackers up the Bay Bridge. My peers, my wallet full of dollars, Safeway and Wal-mart, Vegas, LA, towering high red coloured Golden Gate Bridge and not to forget the much less credited Half Moon Bay made my trip the awesomest ever. I see I have used the not-a-word 'awesomest' twice, but there isnt a better word in my vocabulary to describe what I felt. It was one of my most fulfilling experience as a travel freak. I wonder why do I call myself that. I havent really travelled that much per say. But I love it and I will. Well, coming back to her, I wish she enjoys her trip thoroughly. I and, I assume, she too live on ideas. We like the idea of doing something and we do it. I liked the idea of having a hot mug of coffee-so I started having it and liking it although at one point of time I used to not. I know she has always wanted to be on her own and travel and experience and I hope she does just that and nothing more and nothing less.

Friends. Mystery. Weird. Faith. Lots of tears. Coffee. Talk about Boys. Talk about Girls. Clothes. And now shoes. This and much more is what I relate to friends. I have had some really awesome people in my life and I cannot be more thankful. Somehow even though there have been 'friends' who have given me the hardest times of my life, I still am thankfull that they were there coz without them I would have stood where I was years back and not moved. Mom, parents, family have been the pillars to help me stay grounded but friends have taken me ahead. I just finished watching the last episode of the last season of Sex and the City. I like the friendship there. Its not judgemental, its not interfering but yet its there for you always. You are not compelled to tell everything to the other person and even if you do you are not judged. We, in India, are always judging people. We call it a society and we live by its Norms. But if I may ask, who makes this society? Don't we? Then why try and please ourselves with something we don't like?

Scene 1 - A guy and a girl on a park bench --> I saw Mrs Khanna's daughter on the PARK BENCH with a BOY. It was very dark. I dont know what they were doing. But I always had my doubts on that girl. Mrs Khanna gives too much of freedom to her daughter.

Scene 2 - A bunch of girls in a pub --> you know my son saw Mrs Khanna's daughter in the BEER BAR. They were 3-4 girls. How could parents allow girls to go to SUCH a place so late in the NIGHT all ALONE.

Scene 3 - A guy smoking near a tapri --> I saw Mrs Khanna's son SMOKING on the road. He looked so awaara. His jeans were so low as if they were gonna fall.

and many more like this. Why are we judging so much...?? I have been on a godforsaken PARK BENCH with a guy, coz all the coffee shops were full. And sometimes even coz I got bhutta there.

Well, this whole post is inspired by Sex and the City. I hated the damn thing when I started to watch it and I continued to do so coz I had really nothing better downloaded to watch. I never though I was cut for it. A serial about Sex, how lame could that get? But I liked it. Takes a lot for me to accept it here. But, hey I did. What I didn't like was Carrie Bradshaw. She was lame.

These days I am putting an extra effort to be positive. Someone told me that I used to once upon a time. And its a good thing right!! And I had it!! So why lose it? I don't like being optimistic but I sure can be positive.

High on LiFe

He did it in style. Style that is peculiar to him. Anticipation had left me very troubled till I saw him take charge his way. I am all smiles now. I know him and I should have known what followed. Nice people do nice things and nice people deserve nice things.
Yet there are things I could tell myself and feel sorry for nice people in question, but I wont. I am happy as it is and HiGh On LiFe.

*****

Too much of Sex and the City has converted the remaining half of me into a typical woman. For one, my ever increasing urge to shop. I like to shop when I need to shop, mostly because I never have enough money to splurge on things for which I don't have space to store. It is definitely not a mood lifter for me. But it's no more the same. I was a clothes girl. I loved them. All kinds. And now I want shoes!! I couldn't care less of what I wore on my feet as far as they were comfortable and I could walk. Further, I don't have a sweet tooth and I don't drool over chocolates, cheese cakes and brownies. Its been a month of watching this darned series and I can't get enough of any of these and more. I should be hitting the gym instead, but the characters indulge into these every time they undergo a break-up. I indulge in them without even a reason. Once I get a place of my own and my own oven/microwave I am going to make brownies. And I know I'll do a fine job at that.

*****

Suddenly the cooking lady in me has woken up and she makes some yummy stuff. Its been a year of cooking for a person who Hated to enter the kitchen. She'd stay without food than ever enter the kitchen. It's different now. Though I would love to experiment than just make the regular khana, our kitchen (shared by 7) with its limited space doesn't allow me to.

*****

I have a hundred things to do. My To Do list couldn't have been longer. But I know I'll work it out. My earlier post 'Closure' is really working for me.

*****

Its a funny routine that I have noticed on my blog. People read and comment and talk much more about posts related to life, feelings and other abstract things. But when I have a thought provoking post there are hardly any takers. Why? More so, the anonymous comments are ever increasing on my blog. Not the right time for me talk about this though :). But why do we want to be anonymous at times? I know, for one, when you don't want the person to know that you visited. And I cant think of more. But why wouldn't you want the person to know that you visited? Because it will flatter him? Or because if your identity is known then there is likely to be a biased reply from the author of the blog? Is it just limited to blogging? Don't we wish at times we were powered to anonymously walk around the entire city? Where you could be yourself and not judged. Yes, its easy to say that one shouldn't care about people's judgements and I couldn't agree more. I don't not care at all, but I sure do far less than others in comparision. But, coming back to the point, don't we all want to be anonymous at times?
But not on my blog...

Moment

I couldn't have been more sorry about anything in my entire life than what I did today, just now. Anger, aggressiveness and thoughtless speaking & writing has always put me in worst of the situations and I cannot face what I did just now.
How I wish I could disappear in the thin air or just melt or somehow become anonymous.
Screw the technology and I wish he ain't aware of it...but I only wish. Screw me.
Shit!! Shit!! Shit!!

Closure

To all those who care about me even the slightest - I Love You.

When days are happy and cheerful, its difficult to think about you. I blame it on the busy schedule and lack of habit. But it doesn't take too long to curl up in the bed in my satin sheets allowing the guilty tear roll down my cheek.

As I had mentioned in my first post and I quote, 'Happiness is a state of mind', I shall strive to be happy and content with life coz I am blessed with much more than most. You must give up your possessions, however precious they might be, to avoid them from giving up on you. Respect, beauty and happiness are as much with you as you think they are. They are your slaves, you are not theirs. Give yourself the credit for who you are coz you must realize YOU are the only one in this universe. You are unique. No one can take that away from you and must be condemned if they ever try to.

Listen, sweet Dove, unto my song,
And spread thy golden wings in me;
Hatching my tender heart so long,
Till it get wing, and flie away with Thee.
- George Herbert

Autumn leaves..

Another year flown so fast
Yet so beautiful was the past

Wishful won't have to live it again
Hoping future will not be a bigger pain

Never believe in something so much that you lose an essence of things that are around you. Nothing lasts for ever..

A regular affair..!!

Another Bomb Blast..!!!
Its 2:15 pm, mehrauli hardware galli, South Delhi. Two men on a motorcycle manoeuver in through the narrow galli, drop a black plastic bag and tread back the same path. A little boy playing in the street picks up the bag and runs behind the bike only to have his last act of kindness go unfinished. He just was a good boy whose mommi taught him to be kind and helpful. The Indian Police follows the tradition of the hindi movies and reaches 45 mins late. Afterall the movies aren't totally based on foul information.

******

I have a meeting every Tuesday with my onsite (US) client. And for the last 5-6 months, she has been asking me every week, "Oh..!! Another Bomb Blast?? How are you?? How is your family?? Its must be so difficult to live under terror in your home country." How do I tell her that India is beyond all this. India is beautiful and friendly. Its colourful and vibrant. Its warm with a rich cultural heritage. And I love my country. Its just a minority, a few of them who have a different perception of a country.

******

Talking about minorities.. How many minorities are there in India. Come to think of it, if we put all the minorities together, it might come to be more than the 'so called' majority. I might be wrong. These are not statistical figures. But thats not the point. Since a long time there has been enough friction between Hindu-Muslims. And to most of us its become a part of our life in India. It started in 40's and then aggravated every decade. Then came something new to worry ourselves with. In the recent past there have been huge issues with the caste reservations too which our respected Ambedkar sa'ab had included in the Constitution only for the first few decades considering the harijan belief that existed then. This part of the Constitution was extended in the 80's as Congress couldn't afford to lose this vote bank. And one mistake leads to another. There came the Mandal Commission in the 90's. The self immolation by Rajeev Goswami sparked a series of self immolations by students all over India. But nothing defies the greed for votes. And today we have a 49.5% quota for the various minorities. So much so that we are fighting to be a part of it. Lathi dhava, interrupting the trains, burning public property and all that they can do just to be recognized as a part of minority. The qualification to be a groom is not to have a MBA/Engg degree but to have a SC/ST/OBC certificate. The former they say can follow. People WAKE UP..!! We need to move ahead and not take a step back.

******

There is this new ad on TV which asks you to WAKE UP.. (jago re..) and vote coz if we are not voting then we sure are sleeping. I turned 18 six years ago and I have never voted till date. I dont even have a voter's id. Shameful am I? NO. Initially I never wanted to vote coz I felt I am still too young to understand the complexities that follow. And I will wait for the right time. And by the time I understood those complexities and realised who I will be voting for (if i did), I chose not to. Id rather not vote than vote for the wrong person, for a person that I dont completely believe will be a good leader. I will vote not for the 'better' person but for one that I feel can completely lead the country. I will vote the day Rahul Gandhi contests for Prime Ministership.

******

I was talking to a friend of mine regarding the attacks on Churches in Bangalore. The attacks were a reply to the Christian community (read Bishop) for their alleged forceful conversion of Hindus to Christians. The converted dont second this. They are happy to be Christians today just because they are recognised, helped and feel a part of a community. In an effort to protect the culture, Bajrang Dal cannot deny aam junta of their rights. It cannot decide for them. If you are pro Hindutva and think that there is no reason for these people to convert themselves then preach them the same. By reverting to violent ways you are only strengthening their belief. My friend's friend is a pro Bajrang dal and supports their claims. There were exchange of a number of mails between them each trying to prove the other's idea/approach wrong and claiming their's to be right. Well discussing those mail with my friend I could see what they are trying to do and why they are trying to do it and may be in their light they may be right. But the path that they have resorted to is horrendous and will make them no less jihadis or terrorits (as we call them) than their Muslim counterparts.

******

It has come down to this..!!! to this..!!!! Unbelievable..
There is now no value for life. The once considered the most sacred gift is no longer a thing of pride. Its Money, Greed ,Envy, Jealousy, Selfishness and everything but the love for life in today's world (notice the small l of life as against the caps of others). An Indian CEO of an Italian company operating in Noida was beaten to death by anguished management workers. We are all educated people! Now even education cannot tame crime. Well we had an MBA student as one of the bomb plotters in Delhi. And if this was not all, our Labour Minister spoke words of shame as he supported those who were responsible for this hideous act of crime. According to him the labour of India needs to be protected against such management mafia and this was a good example set to them. I agree that I dont consider the CEO to be fairly naive but this is about somebody's life and by no means can statements like this be passed without a ruling.

******

That'll be all MyLord..!!

Kkkkrrrrrr….

So, I am back. After a long long time. And did I miss it – Naa, not really.

So much has happened in the past couple of months. I remember thinking 'Life will be so different on the other side of these 3 months' the last time I wrote here but you know what it is not. It's the same. Sometimes I feel I am just too hard on Life. C'mon give it a break. Its all a matter of perception but I cannot come to change mine. You know the feeling one gets when one is all engrossed into eating his thick gravy dal makhani with butter naan and suddenly gets cracked up by a little stone in his mouth which he by now has chewed enough and converted to powder. And then the 'kkkkrrrrr' he gets in his mouth…. That's how I am feeling today. Like that 'kkkkrrrr'.. Yeah quite detailed..!!

So much so for the sad part.

Went to this really awesome restaurant today – Via Milano. Yes, it was all Italiano. Ambience was beautifulano. And Garimano loved it. I loved the glasses there. They were plain, blood red in colour, translucent and wide mouthed. Very simple but were amazing to hold. Oh, and the food was good too. All so good but yet not so affective to cover up for the little brawl that I had with my dinner partner. The chef was Italian himself and partly owned the restaurant with 2 others. Well, one of the owners greeted me with a rose. I tried to keep my detective eye on him to notice if he was giving to other chicks as well… But he wasn't (Cheeeeeez)…. Oh yes and they were giving free freshly grated cheese as extra topping on everyone's food. I had stuffed pancakes influenced by Marshall of the How I Met Your Mother series with the extra topping of cheese. Weird combination but what the hell it was for free and it was cheese. I can't say no to either.

Note: This is not the post which I had in mind to come out of the little hiatus that I had taken. But what the heck, I need to stop planning.

Lappi, The Puppy

Its finally here..!! All the long discussions with parents, friends, experts etc have finally given way to this. It fought all the delays due to part shortage, colour not available, flight delays etc and finally reached me. I am so happy to be the proud owner of my brand new laptop.

So Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting to you my Dell XPS 1530.




Thanks to my parents for this. Even though I paid for it (and this not being my first big buy), this wouldn't have been possible without them.

(And as far as the title goes... :) ... I find it extremely funny when people address laptops as 'Lappi'. To me it sounds like 'Lappi, The Puppy'... and so I called it that)

Wishful Sinful..

Its 6:30 pm and I am on my 7th floor terrace.

For someone whose Bday it is today.

A Toast

It calls for a celebration when a couple scores a quarter of a century. Though I would try and make my presence felt today by quoting a few lines about them, the fact is that no one beyond the couple really know the value of their journey together. It does sound strange to me but still I would address them as a 'couple' today rather than parents coz it is that day of their life which is exlusive to them and no mother.. father.. daughter can take their share in this..

25 years.. though not so long.. but is still a long time.. To keep together in all the ups and down of life and nurture a bond so strong as that we 3 share today is quite a task..

Although they would love to disagree but to me their's is the most beautiful relationship in all those that i have ever witnessed. They may be different people..they are different people but they fill in for each other's lacunas so well that it is comendable. It is this that makes them so perfect for each other. They may not be the best individuals around..but they make the perfect couple together.

This celebration would be incomplete without a 25th wedding anniversary toast being raised to the eternal couple.. I love you Ma and Pa. And this is for you, for my parents.. Cheers..!!!

And this is not it.... Cake and confetti follows.

"Forever in Love"

Scene 1 : May 2008, UB City Bangalore.
Its a beautiful evening: ladies standing tall in high heels with flowing dresses, men smartly dressed in their crisp shirts, a shade of green splurged on this canvas by the numerous trees planted spaciously in this little open area of UB City in Bangalore. There are neatly erected rows of chairs with the bold demarcation between the sitting areas for the elite group and the young budding professionals. On our left Black Dog has lavishly displayed its golden coloured whisky, a glass of which is complementary with the ticket, along with unlimited yummy snacks. And to top it all the weather couldnt have been more perfect with the cool breeze blowing setting us all in a mood to listen to the best symphonies we ever might have heard.

And then sharp at 8, the focus light which all this while wasnt sure where to focus knew exactly what to do. A beautiful man he is (err.. man.. umm beautiful.... YES..). All these years I was so madly in love with his tunes but today I fell in love with the man himself. Never seen someone so humble and sexy. There is something about these aged Americans. Its like their charm grows with their age. He looked sexy in a plain white shirt carrying a soprano saxophone and sporting those curly locks which only he can carry. Yes I spent an evening watching Kenny G perform live in front of me.

Scene 2 : March 2003, PICT Girls Hostel, Pune.
Its 11 pm. Me and my roomie are under our sheets trying to force ourselves to sleep. Her bed is right next to the window (the massive window-it stretched across the biggest wall in the room and faced the front of the college campus). And Kenny G's Breathless' old tattered tape is playing on a borrowed cassette player. It had just rained and the smell was fresh in the air. Cool breeze and full moon peeking through the window into our rooms had just kind of set an atmosphere. We start with our usual bed time talks and invariably like every other day our conversation deviates and lands at what is being played and how we cannot get sleep if we dont listen to it every night (atleast me).

And I remember how I then became an ardent fan of his music, of his tunes. And it is today after so many years that I have listened to him again and I still feel that peace, that calm possessing me as it did then and if it wasnt for my friend I would have gone off to sleep at UB City on that chair.

Haunted!!

Have you ever felt that your past keeps following you everywhere you go and it never lets you off? No I am not talking about the people or the associates from the past who cross your way in the present. That would be a pleasant encounter for me. I love reuniting with people I have lost in touch with. But it is absolutley scary when situations from the past are put in front of you in exactly the same form as before. Situations that you dreaded and ran away from or lost to. Situations that you swore you would never want to face. And they come to you at the time when you have almost just started to forget about them, only difference being that this time they involve people who are presently very important to you as someone was in the past and this very thing tore away all the the relationship threads that you shared with them. I dont want to face the same thing this time around as well and lose another something or someone that is precious to me. That is the scariest thing that I have ever experienced. Good or Bad.. It was my past and I am DONE with it. But I guess it is not done with me. This is worse than the feeling of deja wu because here everytime new people are involved and it doesnt last just a few moments.

And today was that day.. after a long long time that I felt numb in my feet and shivered with the realisation that I was reliving my past all over again..!!!! To see it do the dirty dance in front of my eyes in its full fury left me speechless, although I fumbled with some words which didn't make any sense to me let alone to anyone else. For those few moments I had lost sensibility to comprehend what life was presenting to me. For once and for all :

'To Dear Life - I am tired of your Satanic gifts which present my dirty past wrapped in the most colourful of the covers. You rather not give me anything than give me this. Its lot of effort to forget the dread that this act of yours leaves in me and everytime that I think I have succeeded you only get back at me with more of this wrapped in even more beautiful covers. Should I stop believing in you? I dont want to be one of those who have lost faith in Life. But you need to stop troubling me.'

Well does life get any better

More yesterday than today

How I thought the sun would shine tomorrow

But it rained . . .

Any takers for Flattery?

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" is attributed to Charles Caleb Colton (1780-1832). But we still are unaware of the context in which this was said. Was it said with the flatterer in mind or the one being flattered. As far as my experience goes its only the one being imitated who gets to bear a smile as he witnesses his ideas, his thoughts, his style and his originality being stolen..oh did I say stolen? I am sorry, "imitated" it is. Ah! keep the crap aside. This is no imitation. Not acknowledging the genius of someone who dared to think otherwise and not crediting him for something which has caught the eye of many does not refer to imitation. This is stealing.

"So?? Imitation or stealing, I dont care. It sells. I get noticed and become popular." - say many who are on the other side of the court. They say he was foolish enough to not have fully utilized his capacity. "If he wanted he could have done what I am doing. But he didnt. He lost it. His loss was my gain. You see talent never gets wasted. It just gets credited to people who deserve it."

There are some things that I am good at and its nice to see people imitate me or emulate me as far as these are concerned. But when I try my hand at something totally new, to which I am a complete stranger, for which my confidence levels are bare minimum and I rely on my 'much-experienced' friends' advice to do better at it and when I see these friends 'getting inspired' by this approach of mine, the kind of high that gives me cannot be expressed. To top it all, they never accept the 'getting inspired' part and I dont bother to mention it to them. I am elated and believe that 'Imitation is the best form of flattery' whether the accidental flatterer accepts it or not.

Although I have another something once said by someone more popular - "Talent imitates, genius steals" by TS Elliot.

Flocke

He is by far the cutest polar bear I have ever seen. Look at the way his pom-pom is jutting out. He is called Flocke (Snowflake). Found him here (on page 18).

A tribute to 'Ramble' .... Ramble is still alive

Life can be such a bitch. It has come a full circle for me and I dont like this circle game that it plays. You reap what you sow. Be good to others and good shall happen to you as well. These philosophical statements dont even look good in the books let alone when they start applying themselves to your life.

With time I have learnt to appreciate what people do for me. People....umm..I mean good friends. And as far as the rest of the world is concerned, I have always been very apprehensive when it does something for me. Nonetheless, I spent too much time learning that art and meanwhile lost a lot. I lost him.

I have a lot of good friends who would give their right arm for me. And I feel I maintain a nice symbiotic relationship whereby I return with interest all that they have done for me. But I am never appreciated. Is it coz just like me they are taking their time to learn to appreciate or is it coz they dont have enough to appreciate about. May be I am being too calculative here, but isn't that something which all of us do at some point in time in our respective lives.

First love:
One can never forget his/her first love. 'How cornier can it get?', I used to think. Love is Love. You love this person today and then you love another person later and then another and finally you get married and you love this one person for the rest of your life. And in the middle of all this how can you ever think of your 'First love'. 'Love' has become such an over rated word, I used to think. So much so that I had stopped using it. I wanted to be true to myself. But I wish I had not tried to be so rational and just played the fool every young teenager does and told him that I loved him so dearly. So much so that I agree to the corny statement - One can never forget his/her first love.

But its true that life moves on and it waits for no one. You are smart if you can keep up with it. And I think I have been able to do just that. I may have not done a good job but I atleast have done the job.

Crickets are noisy

Does anyone remember the little creatures (I wonder if they are little coz I have never seen them) that we heard almost every night as kids. I dont know about the rest but the army kids definitely would have as the army quarters were almost always in the midst of a jungle. The krrr-krrr sound of theirs was synonymous with the eerieness of the night. It was a signal that the evil night has crept in and the warmth of the sun is now a distant thought. But in a way they kept the liveliness alive else the silence of the dark was so profound that it had the power to swallow you. This is something which one generally doesnt experience these days in the big cities but it still is part and parcel of every person's night life in the smaller towns. And when you talk about 15 years back, Crickets definitely existed and tortured you. Yes! Crickets is what I am talking about. Creatures that I have never seen or may be I have but the reason that I talk about them even today is because of their ability to make their presence felt.

And at some point of time in my life I used to wonder 'why are they called Crickets?' Indifferent creatures and the most valued and popular sport in India and a big part of the world share the same name!!! One of them must have got their name from the other. There had to be something - some similarity or reason for them to have a commom name between them. And I know now. They are both noisy.

It isnt for a long period that Cricket in India doesnt remain in the news. It could be for the right reasons or the wrong but Cricket has always made news. Starting right from the T20 win over Pakistan where Dhoni supposedly followed the captain's tradition of removing his Tee to his haircut which made waves among the local junta to his alleged liking for Deepika Padukone to Yuvraj stealing away the gal to blah blah.. And then the media ran out of topics but not for very long. It came back with a bigger bang. The sydney Test - partial umpiring by Bucknor and ponting umpiring by Benson. The Symonds-Harbhajan controversy over racial abuse where by the Indian newspapers are contemplating that Bhajji must have said 'teri maa ki..' and not monkey. I should give all the credits to our man Bhajji for having the English newspapers flash 'teri maa ka..' on the front page. This made a hilarious read. And if this was not enough for the media to handle, it was followed by the Perth test - a historic win as was said by Sunil Gavaskar. We dont even get the time to digest this when the news about the British PM's remark of honouring Sachin Tendulkar with knighhood comes tumbling by. And I am sure as I am writing this there is more news brewing up somewhere about Cricket.

As far as I am concerned, I am happy to have found the answer to my 15 years old question. I know now that they are both noisy. Although I yet dont know who got the name from who?

I fail to understand...

I fail to understand
Am I slow or is it too much to comprehend
Years have flown in the blink of an eye
But they still are enough to comply

I felt the surge in pain
But I chose to stay
Not aware of the repercussions
The heat of which has made me go astray

Loved I sure am
It being the only living emotion between us
But how effective is it
When I fail to understand...

Taare Zameen Par

Amir Khan has done it yet again. Some of his movies are such that I crave to be a part of them. They challenge your creativity (even if it is miniscule in you). Off late I find myself venturing into a lot of new areas, viz. reading books(thats a big one for me), getting an insight into Indian and world history, politics, economy, watching and appreciating good movies etc. So that makes me think - why not be a part of a film? Here I dont mean to be the skimpily clad item girl of a Emraan Hashmi movie , but be behind the scene and experience the making of a film. And watching Amir Khan's directorial debut only strengthened my thought. The attention to detail showed and the result was a classic. Amol Gupte's script was the strongest contender for the topspot in the movie but not the only one. The direction and the protagonists' acting stood equal chance. When the credits rolled in at the end what caught my eye was the fact that all of Ishaan's paintings were a result of Amol's artistic work. Somehow that made me believe that Amol himself is dyslexic and I could relate the story, he narrated through the film, to him. I guess like every Indian mind I was trying too to add some masala to the very simple but yet meanigful story of Taare Zameen Par. But even after enough googling I couldnt find a suitable proof for my last statement.

But that was not the only thing that caught my attention while the credits were rolling in. Everyone has been talking/writing about the movie and the new something that it has given to the Indian cinema. But I wonder how many viewer's attention did the documentary at the end of the movie catch. I am not fond of kids. Their antics is something that I detest. Toddlers are a nuisance with their potty routine but they are cute and gentle and moreover they cant talk. I find them adorable. But these four/five year olds, with their oozing confidence of knowing the world better than you, put me to shame. And their questions leave me tongue tied. I think its not them but its my inefficiency to match up to their expectations that makes them unlikeable to me. And to negate these feelings in me would definitely take a lot of convincing and education. But the 4 mins documentary did just that. This is what is truly called 'Art' and this is why it is not everyone's cup of tea. Child's innocence is the most difficult to capture as it cannot be enacted. It comes like a whisk of fresh air and goes away as quickly as that. My perspective changed in a matter of 4 mins and trust me I am not so easy. Kudos to the documentaty maker/director. I sure am inspired.

Potpourri and Christmas Vs Goa and New Years

Year end always sets in a festive mood. More than being festive its the party season that December is longed for. And after all its the end of the long, fruitfull for some and unlucky for some, year. Its the time for Christmas celebrations and new year resolutions. Even as the winter chill sets in, it cannot push people indoors. There is love in the air which dances to the rythmic tunes of the music faintly heard from the near past and the coming future. The feel in the air is such. There are flowing gowns, sweet fragrance, champagne glasses cluttering and lots of laughter. There...!!!! I just described a scene from Cinderella or was it some other fairy tale. But last year's end was quite like this for me.

I had an amazing Christmas (I have had better but this one was good). Santa came by and shoved my little red sock by my bedside with a huge packet of 'ocean' scented Potpourri along with an exquisitely shaped glass bowl. I think it was the best 'Kimmas gift' I ever received after a story book(dont remember the name) that I got when I was seven. Thats a different story and the sentiments go beyond explanation. My room is small and could not make space for the huge bowl but when there is a will there is a way. Old and clichéd phrase but always makes sense to me and I swear by it. I made space and it is a part of the 'recently added attractions' of my room. You can see for yourself.

[photo would come soon]

And I was a good girl and treated Santa to Mainland China.

And then Go GOAAAAA........
I wont be exaggerating if I would use 'dream' as the word to describe my desperation to go to Goa with friends. I was there for a very short period but I think I made the most of it. Somethings still left undone and somethings went wrong this time and need to be corrected next time..(yeah I am sure now that next time will happen, also as my desperation levels have reduced).

2 guys...yes u heard it right 2 good looking decent guys flirted with me. And I responded to none. What on earth is wrong with me?? I have been single for long now and I have no past memories haunting me anymore then why did I NOT respond. I am a libran!! I am made to flirt. I have been sent on this earth to flirt, I am supposed to be flirtatious..then why didn't I??? Heehee. Ok! Its not that bad. But I really do wonder sometimes if I am too good a girl and don't want unknown guys getting near me or that I have just lost the ability to charm. Haaah!! thats not the truth..how else do you think I got my job at IBM?

Since I returned from Goa I have been happy and content. I used to never understand how a holiday can refresh you. What did people mean by - you need a holiday. I know now. This three day trip with friends has given a boost to my otherwise monotonous life and I am looking forward to the year again. I am so full of energy and everything seems bright and beautiful again. Now I need to see how long can I hold this feeling.

Pune chi mulgi

:) I like the title. Not that I literally mean that for myself, but then I definitely am more of a Puneite than anything else. Having spent almost half of my living years there so far, the city has gotten into me. I am today what that city has made of me. My thoughts, my approach, my reactions, they all talk of the ways Pune has moulded me into a different person. Not that if I was brought up somewhere else I wouldn't have been 'upto the mark' but I would rather say, Pune has given me space to grow and become, what I would call, a better person.

Last week on my trip to Pune, more official than personal, the above sentiments were seconded. I felt so much more confident and aware. But then strangely I didnt feel the urge to come back to it. I was satisfied staying away from it. I can relate these sentiments of mine to the popular U2 song - 'With or Without You'. Yeah, its a different thing that there are lot many moments, instances and people that I can relate this song to. But that is beside the point. The point is that I have so many memories attached to that place that it pulls me back and hinders me from moving forward. And I dont want my past to obstruct my movement instead I want it as the foundation to my happy future...(yeah yeah...).

The day I was to fly to Pune I had this 'not so positive' feeling. I was a little scared. I don't know of what. May be because I was apprehensive about the response the city and its people (my friends and acquaintances) would give me or because I was dreading running into some one I didnt want to. But to my surprise my apprehensions were proved wrong and I didnt run into anyone I didnt want to.

Though it was a 7 day long trip, I fell short of time to meet everyone I would have liked to meet. I was clearly overwhelmed to be there. Not just for the people, but for its wada pav and kachchi dhabeli, for Bombay Store and Wonderland, for Koregaon Park and Kalyani Nagar, for Flags and Toaks and also for that small, tiny Hanuman Temple at MG Road. I had tears in my eyes as I stood in front of that disoriented Hanuman idol recalling the times when I used to visit him so often and fight with him for everything that I thought went wrong in my life. I was infused with emotions which I cannot even explain. There were only two people who knew exacty what I felt - my Mom and Madhav. I was going berserk trying to cover every part of the city and experience all aspects of it. And I am happy that I could manage to squeeze in quite a lot.

Debjani, Charu and me finally had our 'Niiiiiiiiice' dinner followed by a stayover at Charu's place. It had been pending for quite sometime. And I must say it went out pretty well and it would be something that I will cherish for quite a while till a similar something would happen next. Chantili Merlot, a corner table with the right amount of light, elegant dresses and well suited fragrances - best way to meet up with old friends and cherish those long lost college memories. The night came in with each of us sharing our experiences on the much hyped topic - love. Naaa, that actually was not the topic. We still haven't gotten that lame. Well, we were talking about relationships - Our relationships, a topic which has never been a part of our conversations for the 3 years that we knew each other. Some long distance relationships dont work and some grow stronger. I guess the latter is the case with us. I was happy I met them - my beloved Prozzhect Parrrtnerrs.

Munira's/Anjali's place was like an abode in heaven. By Bangalore standards, the rent was reasonable for the posh locality that it belonged to. A nice 2BHK with a homely feeling which I am sure is Munira's and Anjali's effort. Munira's room was very well kept. It forced me to gather my scattered thoughts of how I would have liked to have my own place/room once I start working. A lamp would be on top of the list and she had just that - a very smart lamp. I was surely impressed. But then some practicalities have to be lived with. I cannot have a room that I had dreamt of in my college days and before in the near future. Thats the end.

A surprising 'good' visit was that of Honnatti's. We were together for 4 hours and we spoke non-stop without either of us getting bored or running out of topics. There are some friends with who the distance in the time dimension doesn't matter. Even though you meet that person after a time span that is long enough to have forgotten his/her face, you can still relate to him/her without that awkward feeling of 'not being in touch' haunting you. Pranav is one of them and I felt the same for Honnatti.

All in all I had a fun time in Pune. Thanks to IBM that made my stay there so comfortable and inexpensive (I was in love with my Hotel room). Heehee. Although I got MicroStrategy Certified in this trip (which is a big thing), there would be other things/feelings that I would remember this trip by.