Perspectives

Some settings force me to sit back, think, and re-align on life's priorities. Punakha's riverside lodge's wooden bench facing the river was one such setting. And, today this 180 year old villa in Kasauli perched on a little hill with old world charm with wooden log table on its mezzanine right under the trees, sky, and clouds is the reason why I am writing again. 

I was in Kasauli Club yesterday and was quite impressed with their little library - new and old but relevant books neatly tucked away with army like due diligence on tagging and labeling. The club itself reminded me of an era that I had grew up in but left behind almost 10 years ago when Papa retired. The well dressed Uncles with moustaches and beards that felt like they stood for more than today's aesthetic outlook - they seemed to be reminding us of the dignity, pride, and respect that the officers carried.  The creaky wooden floors and ceilings didnt embarrass but instead yielded to conversations about preservation and once again pride of the past. 

Coming back to the books; I saw Two Saints by Shourie and The Third Pillar by Raghuram Rajan that caught my attention. Shourie trying to make a point linking the mystics to science and Rajan insinuating on communal well-being as a lost reality; the later being more personal given the The Internet of Value and my indirect association with it. How knowledge fascinates me and how I hold the well-read in high regard keeps surfacing through such experiences. I want to read and develop opinions.. more than I already have. I feel lost on the excitement of getting sucked into the theories and perspectives of respectable people. In fact my very own first few posts of this blog were my take on my then recent learnings - for instance Groucho Marx's quote: Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend; Inside of a dog, its too dark to read. 

So, circling back to life's priorities, I do find myself continuing to be mystified by the old worldliness and knowledge. I might be more accepting if the newness is wrapped in older ways of communication. The fast and furious learnings through video content and that too wrapped in 60 secs (oh did you say 30 secs?) is a little bit unnerving and out of order for me. My constant need of proof of truth concerns my beliefs. The very reason I took up electronics vs computer science was coz I could see the truth. Hilarious! I am yet to make up my mind on the recent and rather sudden AI movement. I understand it is here to stay and it is in our best interest to make friends with it quickly. And I think I already have an acquaintance with it - which is significant given my lacuna in building friendships easily. Why am I still making up my mind about AI is a narration for a different blog post but in short I do believe AI to be different from the last modern movement of world wide web and the chaos that was smartphones. 

I want to sit in cozy libraries and read; talk to intelligent people that dont question my perspectives but openly share theirs; ruminate and allow myself to breathe, think, reflect; build patience and faith to write long narratives and learn to not question timeworthiness of things that actually could grant me some peace. 

 

 

Transparent

The smell of the unwashed hair, of that raindrop that has fallen on your arm... the touch of the inner thigh, of that of a man's chest.. the taste of a flower petal, of that of beer on his lips... the look of a castle in the middle of a meadow, of that of little puppies playing together... the sound of rain falling and that of Edith Piaf singing La Vie En Rose... these are senses that are so subtle yet so strong taking you with them to this whimsical world, only you know and enjoy.

The simplicity and truthfulness with which Jill Soloway and Jeffrey Tambor have conveyed the little sensations to the audience.. making it a journey of their own. I cant help but feel this innate yearning to be free.. of that tattoo that I always wanted. The freedom that I always found so endearing and something that I have always been thankful for. Where in this commotion of growing up did I lose it. I feel it. I sense it. It smells and feels so orgasmic. How did I ever miss it. How did I not let it caress my body with a feather like touch. Aah. But complicated.. oh so much so of rumination. Like that corner chair and a cigar (in the little room of a hotel in SanJuan :))... that was Freedom.

with a silly smirk.. and a total sexual energy I sign off this beautiful post. Mwah. 

Musings

I thought I should wait an exact year before I wrote my next post, but then I thought it will be very tacky and really no one cares about it.

I have been thinking of moving back to India. But many people are talking me out of it. They say Im forgetting the “little things” that will berate my move to India. And who knows better than me about the “little things” in life. Its true. But I do miss India. I miss the smell. I also recently learnt through an article that it’s the smell that drives sex. If you like the smell of your partner its only then that things get real and raunchy. I don’t believe I just used that word – raunchy! So far I haven’t had a lot of luck with the smells I like in terms of the guys I meet or the places I live in.

I loved my little rooms that I lived in either it be my college hostel or the PG accommodation in Bangalore. They all had a flair. A little something of their own. They weren’t grand but they were real. That huge window in one overseeing the yellow flowers and the grey construction and the small window in the other allowing the rain to freely enter into my room along with its refreshing smell and breeze overseeing the terrace and the NGV park where boys waiting to become men played soccer in the mud.

I like my place now too. Its big with floor to ceiling windows, a great view et al. But it just lacks the smell of the fresh flowers or the fresh air. But well, it oversees the room windows and the pool of the hotel next door and trust me I have seen some people that really like each other’s smell in there.

I have a friend. He is moving back to India. Lucky bastard. He is scared. But I know he will do just fine.

I think I am becoming a workaholic. Yikes!!! Eeeu. A workaholic! Even when I don’t really have to work, I find work to do and tell myself that I need to in order to do justice to my job. But that’s not true. Im fooling myself. I know well enough how to get out of a task I don’t really want to do. No one can make me do stuff except for me, myself!.

I think Im going to read and write more. Afterall I have gotten myself reading glasses. Need to put them to some good use. No, I really cant see. The ultimate year and the penultimate truth.

Im smitten! Its been so long that I have felt this way. :)

But the world doesnt seem a better place. This feeling is scary as hell at this point in time.. in this circumstance. 

A read

Now I am not too much of a reader and thus the task of choosing a book to read become mighty difficult. The choice process has to hit the absolutely perfect book and this cannot miss the target, else the book will be dusted more often than read. Through the process of elimination, I have realized that I dont like fictions. I dont know how absolutely true that is but if the book is absolutely situational and has no true setting or substance to it I lose interest. I give myself the "i have better things to do in my life than read someone else's idea of someone else's life who didnt exist". Very cynical, I must say, but still true. And I am no one to talk books. Its like the little 4 year olds who I detest because they come to me with that humor that says "you didnt even know that!!". Yeaa... Hell ya.. YOU little boy, 3 inches off the ground... you dont know how it really works... ! Well, thats my guards up to little kids who try to outsmart me. And I am just like that when it comes to books.

But I truly want to be very careful. I dont want to chose a book too optimistic that makes me feel bad about where I stand today, and I dont want the book to be too pessimistic that makes me feel that there is no hope. Travel and history being my fav topics, they both can be so super awesome or absolutely a drag. I think I will delve into Marketing for a change. Marketing for dummies!! I like kindle coz then I dont have to hold the book in my hand as that and look dumb. I can still sit in Starbucks with my fav cup of coffee and read. That reminds me, Starbucks has totally done away with the whole "cup of coffee" feel. Where are the cups!!

Dr. Strangelove

Today's learnings:

- Strange how two posts one after the other reference the same person and perception but in totally differently light.

- Men will always be boys.

- How one meeting can change so much in your life. One interview, one date, one phone call, one conversation and your life changes from what it could have been. Sometimes its a life changing turn, sometimes its just a different outcome to the evening. Both still good. :)

- One bad thing always and always leads to another good thing. Have faith.

- Seattle o Seattle. It squirms. Networking - Thumbs up. Dating - Thumbs down.

- Oh.. and strange people like strange movies. I guess thats the road to coolness. Hehe.

- On a different note, I saw Jeff B. No No. Didnt talk to him, didnt shake his hands, just saw him. Pretty cool still. He is leaner than what I thought he would be.

- We made a Guinness World Record of maximum kazoos in a room. What I learnt? that Kazoo is crazzzzy...

- I love the baby that just walked past me. I can bite her pink cheeks out.

- Beautiful mornings can do so much good to you.

What I havent learnt:

- Answer to Are men dumb?

- What does a man want?

- Why pay for Mix Master Mike when you dont get to hear him play for more than 10 mins?

- Why did I order a Double Chocolate muffin over a less chocolaty scone.. !!!?!!

- Why do people make queues to board the plane? They are not going to get a better seat or get in any faster?

- Why did I not get a call? I expected more. I respected more.

Deep sigh! A Smile! All is well!

A naked Woman

And such is a woman's body. Truly poetic. Truly inspirational. And then we have the younger idiotic younger generation that tries to play around with that image and make woman what she is not - a statue!

The little flab on the tummy, the slightly sagging boobs (umm.. coz they are real), the oblong buttocks (no they are not round and juicy). Love a man who can appreciate this. So sexy that man is and so aroused he makes me. I lay naked in my thoughts ready to make love to a man who is real but who is mysterious. I want to pleasure him back.

Courtesy: the dancing women outside the Herberger Theater Center.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

Years after I still remember Valentine's day as the day I wore the pink saree :)

Nevertheless, here is wishing a good day to everyone in Love.

The Subway Station

The many interpretations of nature and what its worth. I recently visited Roger W. Koon’s gallery in downtown SFO. A rich and beautiful culmination of his travels around the country mostly of the wild. Quite a prime location for some such new art. Of course what went through my mind was how well he must be living selling these pictures, but also how lucky was he to capture what he saw and how he saw it. Although sadly that’s not how I saw it and I was verbal about it. Standing in his space, I spoke my mind. I didn’t see what he saw; not in nearly most of his pictures. But I still was inspired to better capture my travels.. in mind, heart, or soul.

On the Other side

How difficult is it for us to live life and be thankful. Why do we fail to acknowledge what we have today. Why do we take it for granted. Our health, the people we love, our life, our work and what not. It doesnt take too long for it to go away and before you realize, its too late.

Snapshots of.... the crepes at Eiffel Tower, the pink flowers in Brugges, the bouquet of roses in the INC room, the guitar playing, the glass of champagne dropping, the socks all over the room, Kenny G on a tattered black player, the blue jacket that was smelt, the music that I never used to listen to, the eyes with the look of pride and sometimes embarassment, Bryan Adams (oh No) and the Manorama stories, the sloppy kiss, bhutta and Vasanthi, the Oh Man jokes and tulips, the green eyes that always stared, the wrong size pink pencil and that smile, pillu and billu, and what not...keep coming back to me. Life is full of these smaller instances and these smaller stories to tell. Its these pieces put together that defines life... Life is not the bigger picture! Then why do we fail to live these moments.. Why do we take these for granted..

It doesnt take too long before life is whisked away from you and then you will regret everything you didnt do and everything you didnt say. Dont have that regret. You didnt live well, and that feeling wont let you die well.

Express and Live.

Love always.

Seventeen

And I want to be seventeen again. The innocence with which I loved, the affection with which I fought and the simplicity with which I explained. Was it me or was it him. He made me a better person. I learnt his language and understood his gestures. He either smelt or felt my presence. He was easy that way. But he was a bad teacher. He taught, but didnt teach all. He didnt teach me to adapt. He didnt tell me that world becomes as you grow and you become as the world grows. Im lost. I dont smell him but I feel him.. all around. My friend, my teacher, my guru, my lover, my all... Me.

And now after that drunken dream, I only smile and drop just .. just about one tear.

Love,
Me.

Competition

The comparison will never end.. not in my mind.

A new picture brings new complications. Even physical labor for 12 hours couldnt spoil my evening as this did.

Pune Talkies

Was scheduled on 7th June but due to lack of time could not post it. So here it is! A tribute much due to the city that is so close to my heart!

I wrote to a friend of mine, "Pune was just superb. It was a little bit different for me this time. I felt different. Lots of good feelings which is always nice but I felt all grown up and mature in a city which has helped me grow. Seeing my best friends all settled and in some satisfying relationships was overwhelming for me. I wish them all the luck.

The city helps me fall in love with myself.

Also, I met R."

This is the gist of my visit to Pune this year. Unlike my other visits I had time to myself this time. The city talked to me. It was like the old tattered 70 mm reel playing in front of me. So beautiful it was.

I also got the opportunity to show the city to a dear friend of mine through my eyes. Although I must have missed the generic good parts of Pune but I did show him places and things that were closest to me, that made ME. And he was the best friend that he could be to appreciate everything and understand the meaning behind each. Thanks! I love you for sharing my happiness and my nostalgia. It can get quite boring at times, I know.

Love was in the air. There were married couples, there were couples trying to get married, there were couples trying to understand if they want to get married, and there were few other singles trying to find love...just like me. It was an exhilarating experience. But it all made me so happy. There was this light chillness in the air and everything was so positive and easy. And I smiled. :)

He had changed but he was still the same. I was right! Its such an amazing feeling when you speak for the other person coz you think you know and then you realize that you are indeed right. Its a feeling of accomplishment. You avoid sounding foolish to yourself. He always took care of that..I never felt foolish with him around. :) My onion peel theory. His core was just the way I had left it. Rather, I could still see the carvings that I had made.

On another note, I realized how easy it is for people to fall in love with me. Although the most complicated and coiled up person, I bring to people what they are looking for, I guess. It was fulfilling. I am never this modest. But the feeling was so strong that I am not ashamed to bring it out. I didnt know what to do. People were falling in love with me left, right, and center. I wasnt sure if I was. Although I wished I did. Their eyes spoke to me. I saw it. I wanted to fly with them, I wanted to become weightless and soar high into the air. Just half a day, just a few hours, just one drink... time was plenty.


Phew! Quarter life crisis as they say. I want to break free! Did I really just write this post??

Little joys

I sat in the back seat of the ancient Maruti Zen. There were no tinted glass and the a/c barely managed to keep pace with the crazy Delhi heat. But there in the front were my parents of 27 years bickering and fighting about paying toll tax on the Gurgaon highway.

It was amazing how well we knew each other. How well we all could not only interpret each other's actions but also predict them. You can run but you cannot hide.

It was just like old times. My parents and I and our small family. We have been through so much in these past years and bonds have strengthened or threads have broken, but at the end we are still treading the path each day as it comes and living each moment as it delivers.

Arent these the small joys in life?? As I sat there in the back seat now all grown up and pretty, I felt complete after a long time. What else did I want? Why did I ever want anything else? This is it! Here they are!

Seasons

Fall came with betrayal and true to itself as a sign of change

Winter brought with it some cold revelations

Spring bloomed with new flowers and a new love story yet to begin; some hope, some direction

Summer should be warm, earthy, and happy

It all seems to be falling in line. My ducks are getting in a row :)

In the end..

...it doesnt even matter

She lay on his lap with the evening sun shining right through her balcony door and a beam nicely resting on her dull and dry hair making it look like one those L'oreal ad's models. It seemed beautiful and peaceful. She was calm after a long time. Her calm only to be interrupted by the ever so loud beep of the car parked downstairs. His gleamingly beautiful and expensive sedan was apparently getting humped by a SUV. Mind you the word to be noticed here is 'apparent'. But he throws her off his lap and rushes to look through the balcony door to adore his car which was perfectly silent and living a happy and uninterrupted life. She was jealous. And just like that, it was over!

Coffee and some more..

Its a beautiful day today. Nope its not in the 60s.. its actually 75. But thats perfect for me who doesnt like cold one bit. And for some god damn reason this Starbucks is playing some of the most beautiful songs. I am going to pay up more to get my Shazam updated. I need it!!!

So I was chatting with a friend online (yup.. now thats not what I normally do at my time out in a coffee shop but I had to talk to this one).. and this is how the conversation went.

Friend: kya kar rahi hai

Me: starbucks mein hun... coffee.. music.. blog.. people.. dreams... and a little uneasiness from using a tampon

It was just funny. It was a quick thoughtless reply but a funny one. Not one of my general replies. So yes, I dont know how people do it but there is this constant feeling of something inside and how much ever one might think of it to be a good thing, it isnt...!

ok. Yoga time now. Yes I have to write about that. Its been a good experience.

Current Status - Coffee and much more..

On the other side..

"Every good friend once was a stranger" - A shady Chinese restaurant's Fortune Cookie

Welcome strangers :)

That's Why

The little things you do for me
And nobody else make me feel good
The little things you do for me
Making me smile when no one else could
That's why, I like to sit next to you
And hear your mad stories
I know they're not true
And I like that we share a secret or two, together...The little things you do for me.

HT: A

Current Status - Skipping a beat