Third World Citizens

The stark difference in treatment of human life is easily noticeable as one traverses from the West to the East. People are more accepting of insults, of lesser convenience, and of ways of life that don’t even make sense.

As I disembark the hugely courteous Emirates airlines in Dubai from US I am a satisfied customer. The airhostesses are the best in quality, the food and drinks are above standard, and the smiles..oh smiles. There are travelators even when walking makes more sense but they are there as they give a sense of service. The deep service and satisfaction that every traveler is entitled to... as I came to believe.

Apparently on the other side of the world... as I had clearly forgotten... thats not the norm. You are an Indian.. a third world citizen.. and you will take what we give you and make it work. I commend us for the innate ability that we have developed during our growing years to accept and adapt. We excel in the world we live coz of exactly this. However we leave behind a lot more we can achieve by not demanding more... by not allowing ourselves to ask for more to align with what we deserve.. by not agreeing that we deserve more.

I used to think that the source of all problems for us is population. Its difficult to sustain anything given the sheer number of people. At some point the patience runs out. But now after giving myself a 7 year break I realize its not just the population ..that adds to the problems for sure.. but thats not the problem. The system is indeed the problem. Why do we have to travel for 15 mins in a bus on disembarking the airport. Real Estate problem? Ok agreed. Why do we have to have 5 different security checks before boarding the plane? Why do we need an OTP for EVERYTHING. When majority (upwards of 60%) of the urban metro population is transient then why an address proof in the form of Aadhar card is required for everything. And if it is then why changing address on Aadhar card not an online solution or an easy solution without standing in line for 4 hours. 

Im only venting on the above. Im sure it will take me less than a month to get used to all of the above. But it was important for me to note it down as I continue to live life in the coming months and years and be able to compare the innate sense of adjustment that is built in a normal middle class Indian life.

Reliance, Resistance, Resilience

How do you hold people accountable? Or the change that comes with time is natural and doesnt need accountability and is a good thing with a positive connotation vs the negative one that comes with not being true to your self and self-accountability.

My friend, my dear and good friend, with whom the younger, the more innocent, and the more principled 'I' shared deep views about feminism and holding our own. Her views far more stronger and deeper and well read than mine. That friend who was very clear that changing one's last name after marriage is a sign of submissiveness to a society that doesnt really allow women their true place. She never understood why some women wanted to do that, just like why some women would want to wear the burqa. I, being a big proponent of 'to each his own', didnt get so jittered by these societal rules as far as it was the women who wanted to abide by it without any outside pressure or necessity. Now whether that want came out of their upbringing and having these thoughts hammered into their head, or lack of education, or truly feeling comfortable with these norms.. it didnt matter to me.. as far as they wanted to agree to it. She didnt. She argued that they must be taught and made aware and that they shouldnt make a choice in the darkness of knowledge that existed in these women's lives. She felt strongly that if they knew, they would chose better... better being not changing their names and not wearing a burqa. Obviously the reason why I write this here is because interestingly two years after her marriage she did change her last name. Well not truly changed, but appended another identity to it. She said, she loves her husband too much and wanted to make him happy.

I was baffled. My strong sense of me started to question me. Am I the only one not changing. Is change good. Is this change good? Is she right? Is she right now? Or was she right back then? She stated simply - it would make him happy. Then why did she judge these women before? I keep up. I have always kept up with this world. Am I lagging behind though now. Or is she lost? How do I ever know. Every human being uses people, things, places, situations, etc to bring about a sense of measure in their lives. And mine just shook itself up.

Another friend - married and happy - goofed around with her ex on a business trip. She didnt talk about it, but her more chirpy, older, and 'been there done that' ex did. She was the epitome of righteousness. She hated being one. But she always was. There is a strong sense of reason here that I am not going to share in this space for why she could have done what is being claimed here. But it shakes up my sense of measure again. How do I calibrate? No. I cant be my own measure. It doesnt work that way. We are the foolish social animals and we all want that sense of comfort knowing, its ok. 

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After the break-up last year, which was by far my worst break-up, I have tried to find self. You know that quarter-life/mid-life crisis thing... That. We parted amicably, but it hurt the most. Gym/yoga/reading helped. You know the usual. I had started to find comfort in being by myself...filling that void was becoming a less of a to-do and more of a norm. But this new friend changed the perspective. It always helps when people give you reassurance. He couldnt find anything wrong. Which in itself was a little bit of a stretch but I think I needed that extreme in the interim. Towards the end of our time together, coz he had to move coasts, he said something which turned tables for me. He said meeting me changed his life.. changed him.. that I had influenced and made a dent in the regular that his life was... you know stop and smell the roses kinds. Of course, Im sure it wasnt all of me, but that knowledge...that knowledge was so strong. Even though I was logical and practical enough to not believe it, but sometimes that extreme is needed. We changed a little bit of each other for good and that is rare to find. Im glad it happened. Im also glad it was short lived.. always helps to keep the memories positive.

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Dating men is so much different from dating boys. Doh! Of course, right. Im new to this, I guess. They dont go all out. They are not all over you. You woo them as much as they woo you. It takes forever to become a part of their inner circle. You are just another date to them vs the jar of possibilities. Its refreshing though. It keeps it light and one doesnt have to lose their sense of self. Rather.. there is too much sense of self.. that Im comfortable with. The life that I have lived.. I have been important to people. I dont associate, if I dont think it will take me there. But dating these days is so not that. Its tough to judge intentions, baggage, association, and emotions. They are as complicated as a teenage girl. Man I understand now the young boys' plight in their teenage years.

Im exploring.. as always. 

How to Lose a Guy in 3 months

1. Be mean to him. More than you normally would to anyone coz he needs to see your worst side to better prepare himself for those 5% of the times when you are abnormal.

2. Cry every Friday that you are with him. Just so that those are his best Friday memories.

3. Make fun while/of sex with him.

4. Let him know multiple times that he doesnt get your complicated (read stupid) emotions.

5. Always appear to be right.

6. Make him super uncomfortable in your house and let him know that you feel pressured. 

7. Be super uncomfortable in his house and let him know that you hate his house and hate being there. 

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and I'll keep filling these as I get more an more insight into this. Readers, please let me know if you have some more interesting ideas. Im definitely going to try and test this out on this perfectly awesome guy and play Kate Hudson myself. Who knows may be in the process I will fall in love or worse still this guy would come out to be the likes of Matthew McConaughey. Fun!! 

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In another story apparently married/committed men continue to have a thing for me now. They still assume they possess me while they continue to have dreamy sexy conversations with their significant others. I appreciate their candid burst of emotions but even I believe in what is right is right and cannot do a Roy on myself. (He will be thrilled that he gets a mention on my blog). They truly need to understand that they cannot have the best of both worlds. Your ship has sailed my friend. Enjoy the journey of your life. I need to find my ship. Oh if only, I dont lose it in every 3 months following the basic principles mentioned above. :)

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I heard Shashi Tharoor speak at a debate in Oxford. Man, is he impressive. When i discussed this with a friend he condemned him saying that he doesnt know or understand anything and he is just a good orator and the credit goes to his writers. Sure, I guess. I havent researched much on Tharoor so I could have midguided opinions. But given what I know about him and his education and his opinions, although not the best, he is still pretty impressive. 

Fetish Feminism

Im surprised at the uproar Indra Nooyi's recently published article has caused. My facebook wall is full of updates from my fellow female workers. Today's feminist world has all kinds of views on that article. Why? Why do we pick apart every female oriented article. There was a similar situation when Lean In was released - a book by Sheryl Sandberg on Women, Work, and the Will to lead.

I have been in that situation when we (women who believe they are smart, independent, career focussed, pretty, a good guy worthy, etc) feel the need to defend themselves from all the traditions and atrocities barked upon women historically. But more recently after going through life, having a reasonably long career span, and being in the mid-management of a company with clear roads to be a part of the senior management in the near future, I could care less. There are barriers. There does and could exist a glass ceiling. But when you are not there experiencing it then SHUT UP. Why opine on things you can never be a part of or havent experienced. Its not politics. We have made it our job to criticize politics. Politicians are the ones meant to be in limelight. Women arent. They are just women. Why opine every time a woman speaks

But a guy friend recently pin pointed that we stereotype ourselves more than anyone else. I felt the urge to very cynically respond back to him and make a curt remark on his pointless opinion. But he was right. He is right. We, women, talk more about ourselves than any man probably has ever done.

A naked Woman

And such is a woman's body. Truly poetic. Truly inspirational. And then we have the younger idiotic younger generation that tries to play around with that image and make woman what she is not - a statue!

The little flab on the tummy, the slightly sagging boobs (umm.. coz they are real), the oblong buttocks (no they are not round and juicy). Love a man who can appreciate this. So sexy that man is and so aroused he makes me. I lay naked in my thoughts ready to make love to a man who is real but who is mysterious. I want to pleasure him back.

Courtesy: the dancing women outside the Herberger Theater Center.

Happy Thoughts

..And with one phone call, the once happy thoughts and happy living..umm rather forgotten thoughts and ignorant living get completely squashed. Wise men once said, ignorance is bliss and it truly is. Truth is a powerful weapon and one must know when to get exposed to it. If you dont have the courage to muster up to its power, then be the submissive one and step back.

Current Status - Lesson learnt. I should listen to Ma. (Muaah.. Love her)

That lasts Forever...

Living away from your home country gives you a different perspective on things and situations you never thought were even a part of your existence. Things that you used to laugh off as they were so umimportant or made jokes about as they were so lame. Now for example take these:

Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Hero Honda Splendor 80km/Litre.

2 Cockroach ICU mein ek dusre ke bagal waale bed mein admit the.
Pehla Cockroach: "Kya dost Baygon se?
Dusra Cockroach: "Nahin re Paragon se."

Now, dont throw paper balls at me. I truly understand the frustration you might have reading these. Even the lamest of the people dont find this funny enough to chuckle at. And I didnt either till about a couple of months back. I dont know what has taken over me. I was in despair and felt grossly sad that the next generation might never know what a legacy Paragon was and how their advertisements were the worst ones ever made. They would never understand what pride those tight pant romeos with rumal around their neck had when they zoomed past by a seedhi saadhi Indian ladki on their Hero Honda Splendor. There are these small things in life that have made me the Indian that I am. I have fallen in love with these things unknowingly and I am fond of them. There lies a beauty in these imperfections.

If I plan to live in US and raise my kids here, how will they ever know the likes of Shammi Kapoor, Dev Anand, and Rajesh Khanna? And worse still they will never be able to mimic any of these lengends in the Uncle-Aunty gatherings. (Oh God.. How much I hated when I had to dance in front of an un-interested audience). Recently I was listening to "Isharon Isharon mein dil lene waale - Kashmir ki Kali" and I couldnt fall in love with Sharmila Tagore once again.

These are all memories from my childhood and my kids will surely will have their own memories, but where will all this go? Who will carry the name of Paragon ahead? I am just getting paranoid. I guess I am growing old. I do see some wrinkles next to my eyes!! Anyway, so this has been my concern for a while. The question is which is better? - The traditional upbringing with my kids fighting the scarcity of water & electricity, crazy bus travels, and love for people - tooo many people. Or the higher quality of life in US with clean air and clean water, higher quality of education but still dumb people around, and lots of beer? Very difficult choice indeed!!

I am too proud of an Indian. I always respected the culture in India but now I appreciate it too. Its bold, vibrant, rich, and deep-rooted.

Current Status - In love with my coutry and my upbringing.

Language of Strength

I never thought I would miss reading newspapers, a habit that I cultivated out of sheer pressure of being aware of things around me. But I terribly miss it. There used to be a time when I would follow the Indian politics and knew the nitty gritties. Its been 7 months and I have no clue. At that point this article came to me and I loved reading it... loved forming opinions.. loved debating with myself and with people. It made sense.

For all those who blame India of being too soft - "we are a stable nation with a single centre of democratic authority, we talk with one voice. And unfortunately each time, that works against us". We just are no madmen.

The Madman Theory of Politics

High on LiFe

He did it in style. Style that is peculiar to him. Anticipation had left me very troubled till I saw him take charge his way. I am all smiles now. I know him and I should have known what followed. Nice people do nice things and nice people deserve nice things.
Yet there are things I could tell myself and feel sorry for nice people in question, but I wont. I am happy as it is and HiGh On LiFe.

*****

Too much of Sex and the City has converted the remaining half of me into a typical woman. For one, my ever increasing urge to shop. I like to shop when I need to shop, mostly because I never have enough money to splurge on things for which I don't have space to store. It is definitely not a mood lifter for me. But it's no more the same. I was a clothes girl. I loved them. All kinds. And now I want shoes!! I couldn't care less of what I wore on my feet as far as they were comfortable and I could walk. Further, I don't have a sweet tooth and I don't drool over chocolates, cheese cakes and brownies. Its been a month of watching this darned series and I can't get enough of any of these and more. I should be hitting the gym instead, but the characters indulge into these every time they undergo a break-up. I indulge in them without even a reason. Once I get a place of my own and my own oven/microwave I am going to make brownies. And I know I'll do a fine job at that.

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Suddenly the cooking lady in me has woken up and she makes some yummy stuff. Its been a year of cooking for a person who Hated to enter the kitchen. She'd stay without food than ever enter the kitchen. It's different now. Though I would love to experiment than just make the regular khana, our kitchen (shared by 7) with its limited space doesn't allow me to.

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I have a hundred things to do. My To Do list couldn't have been longer. But I know I'll work it out. My earlier post 'Closure' is really working for me.

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Its a funny routine that I have noticed on my blog. People read and comment and talk much more about posts related to life, feelings and other abstract things. But when I have a thought provoking post there are hardly any takers. Why? More so, the anonymous comments are ever increasing on my blog. Not the right time for me talk about this though :). But why do we want to be anonymous at times? I know, for one, when you don't want the person to know that you visited. And I cant think of more. But why wouldn't you want the person to know that you visited? Because it will flatter him? Or because if your identity is known then there is likely to be a biased reply from the author of the blog? Is it just limited to blogging? Don't we wish at times we were powered to anonymously walk around the entire city? Where you could be yourself and not judged. Yes, its easy to say that one shouldn't care about people's judgements and I couldn't agree more. I don't not care at all, but I sure do far less than others in comparision. But, coming back to the point, don't we all want to be anonymous at times?
But not on my blog...

A regular affair..!!

Another Bomb Blast..!!!
Its 2:15 pm, mehrauli hardware galli, South Delhi. Two men on a motorcycle manoeuver in through the narrow galli, drop a black plastic bag and tread back the same path. A little boy playing in the street picks up the bag and runs behind the bike only to have his last act of kindness go unfinished. He just was a good boy whose mommi taught him to be kind and helpful. The Indian Police follows the tradition of the hindi movies and reaches 45 mins late. Afterall the movies aren't totally based on foul information.

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I have a meeting every Tuesday with my onsite (US) client. And for the last 5-6 months, she has been asking me every week, "Oh..!! Another Bomb Blast?? How are you?? How is your family?? Its must be so difficult to live under terror in your home country." How do I tell her that India is beyond all this. India is beautiful and friendly. Its colourful and vibrant. Its warm with a rich cultural heritage. And I love my country. Its just a minority, a few of them who have a different perception of a country.

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Talking about minorities.. How many minorities are there in India. Come to think of it, if we put all the minorities together, it might come to be more than the 'so called' majority. I might be wrong. These are not statistical figures. But thats not the point. Since a long time there has been enough friction between Hindu-Muslims. And to most of us its become a part of our life in India. It started in 40's and then aggravated every decade. Then came something new to worry ourselves with. In the recent past there have been huge issues with the caste reservations too which our respected Ambedkar sa'ab had included in the Constitution only for the first few decades considering the harijan belief that existed then. This part of the Constitution was extended in the 80's as Congress couldn't afford to lose this vote bank. And one mistake leads to another. There came the Mandal Commission in the 90's. The self immolation by Rajeev Goswami sparked a series of self immolations by students all over India. But nothing defies the greed for votes. And today we have a 49.5% quota for the various minorities. So much so that we are fighting to be a part of it. Lathi dhava, interrupting the trains, burning public property and all that they can do just to be recognized as a part of minority. The qualification to be a groom is not to have a MBA/Engg degree but to have a SC/ST/OBC certificate. The former they say can follow. People WAKE UP..!! We need to move ahead and not take a step back.

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There is this new ad on TV which asks you to WAKE UP.. (jago re..) and vote coz if we are not voting then we sure are sleeping. I turned 18 six years ago and I have never voted till date. I dont even have a voter's id. Shameful am I? NO. Initially I never wanted to vote coz I felt I am still too young to understand the complexities that follow. And I will wait for the right time. And by the time I understood those complexities and realised who I will be voting for (if i did), I chose not to. Id rather not vote than vote for the wrong person, for a person that I dont completely believe will be a good leader. I will vote not for the 'better' person but for one that I feel can completely lead the country. I will vote the day Rahul Gandhi contests for Prime Ministership.

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I was talking to a friend of mine regarding the attacks on Churches in Bangalore. The attacks were a reply to the Christian community (read Bishop) for their alleged forceful conversion of Hindus to Christians. The converted dont second this. They are happy to be Christians today just because they are recognised, helped and feel a part of a community. In an effort to protect the culture, Bajrang Dal cannot deny aam junta of their rights. It cannot decide for them. If you are pro Hindutva and think that there is no reason for these people to convert themselves then preach them the same. By reverting to violent ways you are only strengthening their belief. My friend's friend is a pro Bajrang dal and supports their claims. There were exchange of a number of mails between them each trying to prove the other's idea/approach wrong and claiming their's to be right. Well discussing those mail with my friend I could see what they are trying to do and why they are trying to do it and may be in their light they may be right. But the path that they have resorted to is horrendous and will make them no less jihadis or terrorits (as we call them) than their Muslim counterparts.

******

It has come down to this..!!! to this..!!!! Unbelievable..
There is now no value for life. The once considered the most sacred gift is no longer a thing of pride. Its Money, Greed ,Envy, Jealousy, Selfishness and everything but the love for life in today's world (notice the small l of life as against the caps of others). An Indian CEO of an Italian company operating in Noida was beaten to death by anguished management workers. We are all educated people! Now even education cannot tame crime. Well we had an MBA student as one of the bomb plotters in Delhi. And if this was not all, our Labour Minister spoke words of shame as he supported those who were responsible for this hideous act of crime. According to him the labour of India needs to be protected against such management mafia and this was a good example set to them. I agree that I dont consider the CEO to be fairly naive but this is about somebody's life and by no means can statements like this be passed without a ruling.

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That'll be all MyLord..!!

Any takers for Flattery?

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" is attributed to Charles Caleb Colton (1780-1832). But we still are unaware of the context in which this was said. Was it said with the flatterer in mind or the one being flattered. As far as my experience goes its only the one being imitated who gets to bear a smile as he witnesses his ideas, his thoughts, his style and his originality being stolen..oh did I say stolen? I am sorry, "imitated" it is. Ah! keep the crap aside. This is no imitation. Not acknowledging the genius of someone who dared to think otherwise and not crediting him for something which has caught the eye of many does not refer to imitation. This is stealing.

"So?? Imitation or stealing, I dont care. It sells. I get noticed and become popular." - say many who are on the other side of the court. They say he was foolish enough to not have fully utilized his capacity. "If he wanted he could have done what I am doing. But he didnt. He lost it. His loss was my gain. You see talent never gets wasted. It just gets credited to people who deserve it."

There are some things that I am good at and its nice to see people imitate me or emulate me as far as these are concerned. But when I try my hand at something totally new, to which I am a complete stranger, for which my confidence levels are bare minimum and I rely on my 'much-experienced' friends' advice to do better at it and when I see these friends 'getting inspired' by this approach of mine, the kind of high that gives me cannot be expressed. To top it all, they never accept the 'getting inspired' part and I dont bother to mention it to them. I am elated and believe that 'Imitation is the best form of flattery' whether the accidental flatterer accepts it or not.

Although I have another something once said by someone more popular - "Talent imitates, genius steals" by TS Elliot.

Blogger's Blog or What??

I happened to read an article sometime back and this is what it said, "Most of the people in the world are lonely. With thousands of them you see on the road, almost all are feeling lonely inside. Why do you think that so many people have fallen to the idea of a blog? They put out their innermost feelings over the internet in the hope that someone would read it and may be acknowledge it. The idea that a total stranger would get to know their intimate details/feelings/ideas does not scare them because in the end they are all lonely and want that little recognition from whoever they can........ blah blah".... and it went on.....

Well i must say that it was in-the-face but very well written. I happen to like such writings which leave me speechless and then my thought process begins. I could debate on this and i knew it would go on and on but i chose not to. I chose to start a blog of my own instead.