Requiem for a Truth

Quite simply put there is something called as unconditional love and it exists only between a mother and her child. Also although unacceptable to younger generation and often contested, there is a lot of wisdom that comes with age, but yes only if you allow yourself to fully immerse and engage in life experiences. Surprisingly enough there are people that stay away from it all and believe abundantly in their own circle of living. I enjoy standing at this juncture so deeply aware hoping for souls to catch up. I see now the differences with which men and women are built and the two sides of the table that they represent. And just like a coin would be faceless and valueless without either one of the sides, so will be the society. I suppose I grew up with more virtual testosterone in me than an average girl. It took my boss just about a month and fewer than ten conversations to realize, get acquainted to, and begin to respect my aggression/passion/assertiveness and my man-like mannerisms. Am I speaking against the feminist wave?

And just like that conjecture, there is also the confusion around creative presence vs organization.. whimsical mind vs logical one. Like many other forms, is this also a dominant vs submissive situation? Or is it lack of practice and/or courage? This constant need to acquire knowledge but the laziness and/or lack of interest pushes to give up. Its a constant struggle but an interesting one at that.

All other kinds of love, if there are different kinds, are quite conditional. Everyone is expected to love the other more than they love them. Everyone wants to be around an easy and quite-so-often-used-word 'nice' company. Its a catch 22 situation, aint it? We all as consumers want the best quality product at the cheapest prices with utmost convenience. Somehow Amazon seems to have accomplished quite well on this road. I suppose its possible.

And then along the road I meet women that are so unhinged by this challenge of life that requires them to ride the wave of feminism and they wear it proudly so even after their understanding of the two sides of the coin quite well... that requires them to do both - be logical and hopeful at the same time.. that allows them to love unconditionally yet at their own terms and conditions. Its peaceful. :)

yeh shaam..zindagi ki

Dhundhli dhundhli shaam hui
Ab toh wapas aa jao..
Dhundhli dhundhli shaam hui
Ab toh wapas aaja na...
Ke is samay toh, parinde bhi... laut aate hai 

Tumhare baad hamara haal aisa hai,
Ke jaise saaz ke sab taar toot jaate hain
Ke is samay toh, parinde bhi... laut aate hai
Dhundhli dhundhli shaam hui 

Tum toh gaye par yaad na gayi,
Zubaan se meri fariyaad na gayi
Guzri na aisi koi saans,
Jismein tumahara naam na ho,
Tab tak karunga yaad main,
Jab tak umr tamaam na ho,
Tumhare haath se mera haath yoon chhuta,
ke jaise bheed mein kuch haath chhoot jaate hai
ke is samay toh, parinde bhi.. laut aate hai

Dhundhli dhundhli shaam hui,
Ab toh wapas aa jao...

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kisko khojti hun main..kya chahti hun main..kiska mujhe intezaar hai.. kyun darti hun main.
is samay toh parinde bhi laut aate hain.. 

The wait seems to be theoretical self-made concept rather than a reality. My deepest emotions are that of fear and hurt rather than of being loved. I wonder do people know love today? Or do they do love? The greatest poets and philosophers talk of pain and yearning with such eloquence that one cant help but fantasize such hurt. Are emotions a good thing or bad? Is it fair to expect and hope for some understanding or even with that we complicate it too much to align with our fantasies like I mentioned earlier allowing no one and nothing to understand. 

...is samay toh parinde bhi laut aate hain... 

From the ashes a fire shall be woken..

There was a reason why my blog's tagline was, "...Not all those who wander are lost.."

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.

- J. R. R. Tolkien

I cant wait. 

Cool quotient

I realized I dont have an opinion anymore.. Is that really sad?
psst.. Am I going to be a boring 30 year old in the near future? I wanted to be cool. Is it un-cool to not have opinions?

A naked Woman

And such is a woman's body. Truly poetic. Truly inspirational. And then we have the younger idiotic younger generation that tries to play around with that image and make woman what she is not - a statue!

The little flab on the tummy, the slightly sagging boobs (umm.. coz they are real), the oblong buttocks (no they are not round and juicy). Love a man who can appreciate this. So sexy that man is and so aroused he makes me. I lay naked in my thoughts ready to make love to a man who is real but who is mysterious. I want to pleasure him back.

Courtesy: the dancing women outside the Herberger Theater Center.

On the Other side

How difficult is it for us to live life and be thankful. Why do we fail to acknowledge what we have today. Why do we take it for granted. Our health, the people we love, our life, our work and what not. It doesnt take too long for it to go away and before you realize, its too late.

Snapshots of.... the crepes at Eiffel Tower, the pink flowers in Brugges, the bouquet of roses in the INC room, the guitar playing, the glass of champagne dropping, the socks all over the room, Kenny G on a tattered black player, the blue jacket that was smelt, the music that I never used to listen to, the eyes with the look of pride and sometimes embarassment, Bryan Adams (oh No) and the Manorama stories, the sloppy kiss, bhutta and Vasanthi, the Oh Man jokes and tulips, the green eyes that always stared, the wrong size pink pencil and that smile, pillu and billu, and what not...keep coming back to me. Life is full of these smaller instances and these smaller stories to tell. Its these pieces put together that defines life... Life is not the bigger picture! Then why do we fail to live these moments.. Why do we take these for granted..

It doesnt take too long before life is whisked away from you and then you will regret everything you didnt do and everything you didnt say. Dont have that regret. You didnt live well, and that feeling wont let you die well.

Express and Live.

Love always.

Sharaab

"nasha sharaab mein hota toh naachti botal..."

- As was once reiterated by a friend of mine... good times :) A line to think upon.

The Light's plight

With every passing hour life changes. I feel each moment gushing past me and I still cannot do much.. I still let it go.. I fail to squeeze what it has to offer. And so today I have stopped trying. I am not competing with it anymore. I am not trying to make it perfect! Coz there is no perfect. If the moment is yours it will touch you with warmth and caress you and make you live in it for a century else it will run away making way for the next moment.

Its not settled yet. I doubt if it ever will be settled. "Yes" and "No" are my strengths and weaknesses. It doesnt come easily to everyone. I will always be scared.. always unsettled. Future was never so apprehensive as it is now. Should I be excited or nervous?

I cant take those memories away and I know I cannot make better ones now. How will this survive? I have so much to say. Who do I say it to? I cant preach anymore, I cant bitch anymore, I cant be sad anymore, I cant cry anymore.... cmon, I cant be a doll anymore!! Bottling up is not my characteristic. Id rather speak as it comes. But who do I say it to?

There is need but no interest. Which is bigger and mightier? A poll.

Its read, but never spoken about. Why?

It is going to be ordinary and very standard. Lets face it. And even that is a struggle.

L'chaim!!!

A Tale of Two Cities

When you are two timed, what do you do?

Satyug ki naari - Will weep in her sorrow and will try everything in her power to bring her loved one back to her.

Kalyug ki naari - Will two time him.

Life is simpler :)

Goldfish

So the only way you can find out how much people love you is to see how much they want to talk to you or be with you when you cut ties with them. Or when you dont initiate to be a part of their lives. They come back flocking to you. But what if they dont? What if no one ever does? Have you spent all your life in vain? Trying to make relations that indeed never really existed. What do people in this state do? Beg? Plead? Cry? Yearn? Or just be angry and go their own way looking for more people to make a part of their lives?

Just a thought.

Signs

So, P has it all figured out. She is my age and married for about a year to a guy who had been a friend of hers for the last 10 years. Its intense, the conversations we have. I cannot be her bff (I hate using this term). There are characteristics of hers that I dont appreciate a lot. But then there is this tangent that joins us together.. kinda like the tangent that passes through between the two circles. Our lives, our beliefs, our thoughts, and our opinions are so alike. She seems to be like my mirror image in a few of those aspects. But certainly like I mentioned before she definitely is more sorted out or rather appears to be. She says marriage did that to her. I dont believe her.

Things converge. Six degrees of separation for people? I say, for everything; for every emotion, for every situation, for every moment in time (how the hell will that work now?). Coming back to the point, everything seems to be getting pulled towards this central source of attraction and its not just gravity pulling towards the center of the earth. Its something else. Everything is so interrelated and connected. And I forget but we must value that. That is exactly how it was meant to be. This is how it was designed. I should not put my foot in my mouth and try and segregate these needs and these things/situations/moments etc. The overtly organized person that I am with an almost obsessive compulsive disorder existing, I should still let it pave it own way and with its own time.

I believe that everything in this world happens for a reason. Its important to not dig deep into this pit looking for reasons and answers but rather allow it its due course of time and let it explain itself to you as to why it happened. Oh! such wisdom!

Current Status - Better luck next time

A Sailboat

Not all those who wander are lost...

..A reminder to self..

On the other side..

"Every good friend once was a stranger" - A shady Chinese restaurant's Fortune Cookie

Welcome strangers :)

Oreos

Since childhood I have hated making decisions. I now stand in a position where as a manager making decisions is my bread and butter. This combined with my low risk taking ability only makes the matters worse. Thankfully business school has armed me with enough resources to get over all these anomalies and position myself as a better manager.

But what happens when in your real life (considering that the professional life is only a dream or a virtual game on an expensive gaming console) you cannot make those decisions...cannot move out of this mould. Calls for disaster.

Take a step away Garima. I think its worth it. Loosen the strings and stop entangling yourself in the imaginary ties. Coz if at all they exist, they will bring you back...hopefully when there is still time and your wings aren't clipped already. And if not, then your destiny was only to fly away.
(Did I say destiny.. Since when do I believe in it? I no more know where I come from.. As far as I know where I am headed)

Current Status - Looking for determination

Blue skies..

Its very important for a man to know what he is doing. Experience is the key..but bad/foul experience can kill the joy.

Lovely Mausam

So its been so beautiful these days at Tempe that I have formulated and tested a theory on myself. The theory states: Probability of Lovely mausam has a positive correlation with decline in work efficiency.

And this might be true for a lot of people, but the correlation value is really high in my case.

Current Status - Enthralled by the smell of rain

Persistence

If I tell myself something everyday, every minute... Will I start believing in it at some point of time.. ? Does it work like that?

I hope it does for world happiness.

Itrr aur Sugandh

I know now why I am so pleased, pleasant, and relaxed today. Coz I have three different very awesome perfumes on me.* One must never disregard the power of good smell..a beautiful fragrance. It can kill many and take over an empire..(I am sure the history has one such story out of its so many..!!). That said, I truly just realized - it was like an epiphany - that it was the smell that calmed me and helped me relax and love whats around.
Damn, I didnt intend to sound like this. But come to think of it, a walk seems so much more satisfactory if you can smell raat ki raani. Reminds me of my walks in the dark of the Koregaon Park roads... shhhhhh.. I never said anything.. :)

Adios!

Current Status - Smelly Cat.. Smelly Cat..

*Mom has ordered a few for me to get those to her in Dec..when I go HOME.. :D

Su..Su.. Su...

And I just closed one of the most beautiful chapters of my life. I am ignorant. Forgive me, o dear lord, coz I don’t understand. But how I wish, I could turn that page back and re-read every single word of that chapter. I wish for a puff of wind to turn the pages for I am too stubborn to tread the same path all over again. More so, I am just exhausted.

I like myself a lovely poem and not a suicide note. I fear that reading it all over again will open up a side of it which I am not willing to see and so I chose to close the book instead.

Love is not lost. But life is cruel. Aint gonna make you the happiest person on this earth. Wish that particular chapter came with a translation to make certain that I understood the love poem as its meant to be. I aint no scholar. I am just a layman.

I hope I can keep the book till all of it is read. I hope those last chapters still have love phrases in them coz I am a lovebud and I can only get that far without it.

Wish you all the luck and love in the life to come. You deserve the very best. And I don’t insult myself when I say that I have loved you with all I got and I always will.

Current State: I sincerely wish that I am dreaming. I don’t dream much, but these days I have been. And I so wish that I get woken up to your sweet voice reading those pages again.


Dated 11/02/10
Haha.. In hindsight, I feel sorry for this post.. Nothing is stronger than the power of time. And indeed I woke up to his sweet voice.. :)

Another Day in Paradise

Has anyone ever seen what paradise looks like? Well, it was beautiful! But prolly because it doesnt exist in reality, it doesnt last. Its like a dream within a dream. Yes, just like Dicaprio's inception. Surreal.

If there exists paradise, then there definitely exists its opposite. Is it called hell? And indeed it does exist, coz its haunting me.

Today has been a roller coaster ride coz such varied and extreme emotions were visible in a span of 20 hours. Very intense!

I do understand the concept of "the balance". To experience the good, you have to experience the bad. But I dont want to. Id rather not have the good, to not have the bad.

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Does everyone have a limit to being indifferent? How long can one be indifferent towards something? 1 day, 1 week, a month, a year, 10 years..or it depends? But is there a finite limit? Is it limited by time or is it limited by quantity? How much can one take? If its time, then do things and people start mattering to you after a certain period of time? You could choose to either like them or dislike them. But you cannot be indifferent towards them! You do feel, don't you?
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Is it just me or does it happen to everyone? How long can one continue to give an ear to someone. They sure need it and they are your people, but are you invincible? Dont you have enough problems of your own? Will they stop being your friend if you refuse to be a part of their mundane talks? Well! Its entertaining, dont get me wrong. But you are a human too. Or arent you?

Current Status - Irritated