Will I ever be able to conquer my insecurities and errors? Is there ever a new start? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? In the midst of all this why do I get caught up in the nothingness of things. I have always wanted a simple straight forward path to follow, but surprisingly when I am involved I dont really let things be so simple and straight forward. I cant expect myself to own! I cant own everything!
Why do people like me? They never have an asnwer. They never do! Is that a problem? Or is it too good to be true? Am I too submissive? Most people will never agree to that, but I do think and know that beneath the superficial layer, I am quite vulnerable. Am I revealing too much? Is this information even true? I am just zapped and confused. I always have been. And there isnt anybody I trust enough to give me a good feedback.
We are learning about feedbacks in our OB class. And Kinicki says that giving a good feedback is the skill most managers fail to master and this is the problem most companies are facing. THIS is the problem? I thought economic recession was the problem. Looks like not!
I see it in their eyes. But I dont know why they dont behave like that. Or may be I dont perceive their behaviour in the right direction. They appreciate what is not me so much that it makes me jealous. Yes, I am being very truthful in saying that it does get me very jealous. Is it really that wrong to be jealous? I remember soemone telling me that jealousy is a vice and will always make one do wrong things. Like how anger makes one take bad decisions. But then how can one not be jealous? Is it a possibililty? Are there people who have never been jealous of anything? Or they probably just call it something better and fancy?
First impression is the most important impression. First impression lasts forever. But what after first impression? ....what after an amazingly awesome first impression? What do you do now? Anticiaption kills me here. Am I asking the opposite question? But that is what I am ineffective in doing.
I hate her. She is all fidgety, giggly, pretty, and pink. She is a girl.. rather in my terms a girlie girl. Cant stand her. And dont go by her looks, she is cunning. Probably the girl that most guys fantasize about but at the same time curse in their bachelorette party coz of how she used them. She is the reason why I detest being friends with a girl. Shrewd, diplomatic, political and a bitch is how I would perceive her. I have NEVER opposed anyone so strongly. I have opinions but they never have been of such extreme nature. But she is an exception. Or have I unnecessarily given her so much importance? Am I dumb?.. or insecure? But for what?.. For who..? Sometimes I just cant stand myself. Am I being too hard on myself? Does this happen to most?
I think of him still. I read what he writes and everytime...let me reiterate... everytime I feel that he writes for me. Just kinda a feel good factor. He was my foundation and the most important, visible, and well etched person in my memory. Good luck to him. He deserves the best.
*********************************************************
Secluded from the above description of my thoughts, I would make a mention of my birthday. It was the most awesome bday. Thanks to everyone who made it this special. And surprisingly, these were people... err .. friends that I was still getting to know. And even more surprisingly, people who I expected to make it special, only ruined it. Irony.. eh? Or wrong expectations? My analysis says that the solution of all my problems are unmet expectations. But I have never really conquered this approach.
But my 25th bday was a time to remember and I will remember it for a long long time.
Adios.
Why do people like me? They never have an asnwer. They never do! Is that a problem? Or is it too good to be true? Am I too submissive? Most people will never agree to that, but I do think and know that beneath the superficial layer, I am quite vulnerable. Am I revealing too much? Is this information even true? I am just zapped and confused. I always have been. And there isnt anybody I trust enough to give me a good feedback.
We are learning about feedbacks in our OB class. And Kinicki says that giving a good feedback is the skill most managers fail to master and this is the problem most companies are facing. THIS is the problem? I thought economic recession was the problem. Looks like not!
I see it in their eyes. But I dont know why they dont behave like that. Or may be I dont perceive their behaviour in the right direction. They appreciate what is not me so much that it makes me jealous. Yes, I am being very truthful in saying that it does get me very jealous. Is it really that wrong to be jealous? I remember soemone telling me that jealousy is a vice and will always make one do wrong things. Like how anger makes one take bad decisions. But then how can one not be jealous? Is it a possibililty? Are there people who have never been jealous of anything? Or they probably just call it something better and fancy?
First impression is the most important impression. First impression lasts forever. But what after first impression? ....what after an amazingly awesome first impression? What do you do now? Anticiaption kills me here. Am I asking the opposite question? But that is what I am ineffective in doing.
I hate her. She is all fidgety, giggly, pretty, and pink. She is a girl.. rather in my terms a girlie girl. Cant stand her. And dont go by her looks, she is cunning. Probably the girl that most guys fantasize about but at the same time curse in their bachelorette party coz of how she used them. She is the reason why I detest being friends with a girl. Shrewd, diplomatic, political and a bitch is how I would perceive her. I have NEVER opposed anyone so strongly. I have opinions but they never have been of such extreme nature. But she is an exception. Or have I unnecessarily given her so much importance? Am I dumb?.. or insecure? But for what?.. For who..? Sometimes I just cant stand myself. Am I being too hard on myself? Does this happen to most?
I think of him still. I read what he writes and everytime...let me reiterate... everytime I feel that he writes for me. Just kinda a feel good factor. He was my foundation and the most important, visible, and well etched person in my memory. Good luck to him. He deserves the best.
*********************************************************
Secluded from the above description of my thoughts, I would make a mention of my birthday. It was the most awesome bday. Thanks to everyone who made it this special. And surprisingly, these were people... err .. friends that I was still getting to know. And even more surprisingly, people who I expected to make it special, only ruined it. Irony.. eh? Or wrong expectations? My analysis says that the solution of all my problems are unmet expectations. But I have never really conquered this approach.
But my 25th bday was a time to remember and I will remember it for a long long time.
Adios.
7 comments:
On Feedback in professional life - Only those who like you / care about you give you an earnest feedback. Such ppl are few. Without context (for me) your posts leave a lot to imagination. Makes for a good read nevertheless. Keep us guessing :)
Thats true.. But even then.. the ppl you know have biased feedback a lot of times..
And Yes.. I like to write that way.. An explicit statement becomes a fact and is definitely not considered a good read in my perspective. Like for example, my last post was very to the point and explicit.. I cant afford to be like that .. !!! Its a public blog afterall.. :)
Yeah, they suck! But if it weren't for the girly girls the other kind (read: you/me) wouldn't be appreciated by guys/girls who can see through that facade and want to be friends with someone of substance :)
Never trust feedbacks, no one knows us/our actions/circumstances better than ourselves. We should learn to look at our actions objectively and introspectively.
He prolly doesn't write for you any more. (I know I am being ridiculously pessimistic without knowing who 'he' is or 'what' he writes :P) But I've been there, thought that. Sometimes this kind of feel-good factor helps us get through rest of the agony in life :)
Hatred takes up too much space, try indifference towards her :) I know easier said than done, but give it a shot. You'll be much more peaceful.
:) Thanks for taking so much time and giving a good analysis of everything.. I appreciate it.. :)
Let me take it point by point..
I AGREE!!.. Some girls are just such bitches.. I dont have a better word for them..
I agree to this as well.. But You can Never be your own critic.. Atleast not the only one of your critic.. I avoid it myself.. but experience has told me that it will really not help you improve much..
He probably doesnt.. I have reached that point in life where I dont really care if he does or he doesnt.. :) I dont care about him.. But I care for myself and I care for waht I feel for him.. May be 'him' has changed now.. But I still know him the way I knew him.. :)
Indifference is tried.. Doesnt work when you spend more than half of your day with such a person.. :)
Why do people want to be older than they are !!!
Too much of Sex and the city isn't good !!!
For the same reason that ppl want to be kiddish... Anonymous.. !
Well, I was trying to not think ahead of what my age lets me think.. I think these are the questions that I should have answered by now.. !
And Sex and the City.. well that was really long time back.. you are closely following my blog.. I have my own style of writing, and I dont really, rather cant, copy others'. So except for those 2 posts, all the posts are not associated with Sex and the City..
So this was just me... I didnt realise how closely it related to her, until now.. :) Thanks for bringing this to my notice..
And moreover I am back to thinking that Sex and the City is crappy.. :-| Some impressions just dont change... !
fucking whore
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