Resilience

And.. its yet another new year. Another year has gone whooshing by. I have never been so lost and unaware of myself. There had come a point in time few years back when I had decided that I will stop trying to know myself. Coz it was a mystery, almost like a treasure hunt, and it tortured me as I never felt anywhere close to the treasure trunk. The more I tried to solve the mystery, the more I felt I was drifting away from knowing myself. And I decided to not try any further. Thought this to be the best approach as a little mystery in life is always good. Guys like a mysterious girl, dont they? :)

But NO. I aint no guy. And I need to be aware of what I want, what I intend to do, what my aim is and all that. I am a girl with plans. I always have plans. Yes, I love spontaneity. But then again, if it is well planned. How is it that this time.. in this new year... I am lost! I thought of a new year resolution. But I was so distant from myself that I didnt even know what I wanted. In 25 years, I saw my first shooting star. It was beautiful :) But I didnt wish for anything. I didnt know what to wish for. There are, at this juncture in my life, so many things that are of importance. But I cant prioritize. I am being trained to be a manager.. and I cannot prioritize my own life. What am I getting at?

*Oh at that.. some people believe that I talk about my MBA so often coz I want the world to know. But I have never before enjoyed learning as much as I do in my MBA program. I hate finance, Yes. But thats about it. So yeah, I will continue to talk about it.*

So I am still lost. But right now all I know is that I need to show some resilience. Be what I always was and always have been and always will love to be. At this my mom reminded me of her favorite dialog from Jab We Met - I love myself and I am my favorite.

I am not going to allow myself to succumb to the nincompoops that are around me. It is staggeringly difficult though. I thought I could. It was 10 days into the new years with such strong thoughts in my mind and I messed up again. I couldn't do it. But to not give up is what I am aiming at. There you go... ! My new year resolution - To not give up.

Cheesy man.. these resolutions are..but I am reviving a lot of old things. Lets try this one too. And not to forget - Garima, be good to everyone. How much ever you need to fake it, still be good. Thats what the world wants. A flatterer-backbiter friend rather than a true-on the face foe. Although I choose otherwise, the world doesn't and you need to FIT in. Don't you?