Monday, October 17, 2016

..beyond words...

My vocabulary failed me. I have been looking for a word or words to express what I feel..what I am/have been going through for the past few weeks/months. I cannot express. Two posts in a row I talk about concoction of feelings.Surpring eh?

I have made one of the biggest decisions of my life and since then not one day have I regretted it..yet. I have been happy. I have been looking forward to this crazy new beginning. My boss thinks I am crazy. And I think somewhere somehow coz of this bold step I am being reverred. Coz I am following my heart.. my dreams.. that many fail to do. I am proud of myself. Not many were with me through this decision. But I did it regardless. And I did it for me for reasons that were important to me and no one else.

But as the day is coming closer.. I am feeling sad. I know this feeling. Its just sadness. I am sad to leave my life.. my home here. But that being said, most all relationships I built here I am burying them as I go. They werent worthy enough for me to take back home. Or I wasnt worthy enough for those relationships. However it goes. Its sad that after seven years I take nothing back. A more mature, wiser, jaded version of me now heads back. Its quite a fresh beginning in many ways.

The huge contemplation on whether I take my furniture and entire house as it stands today with me or not. People find me indecisive and exhausting sometimes when I delve so much and spend so much energy into this very small decision regarding IKEA furniture. But its the comfort of taking it all there with me vs starting completely fresh and with an unknown agenda. Still unsure.. Im leaving it all behind. Just like my relationships. 

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